I sit there unmoving as I watch them drag him out. Never has my life seemed so bleak. A hand pulls me away and once we are out of the viewing room, I throw my hands at Shamus. He grabs my hand before it connects with his face, and he yanks me to him. it is only by the goddess my shoulder isn't dislocated. He barrels down at me with his murderous gaze.

"I will have your head one day." I growl.

"You and what army?" His face dissolves in a sinister grin.

"One day you will be on your knees, and you will meet your end." I snarl.

"Is that so?" Shepherd's voice comes from behind me; deadly, malicious, combative.

"Let me see him." I demand over my shoulders.

"You want to see you kidnapper, wife? Now why would I ever allow that?" I hear the victory in his voice.

"Come, queen Aria. It will be dinner soon and we wouldn't want your subjects to see you crying for your capturer." Shamus says.

Shepherd takes my hand, and he drags me to the private exit. I quicken my steps after him. He doesn't even care about his guards. But why would he? They would probably hide my body if he killed me right now. And indeed, I am reminded that I am in the midst of my most deadly enemies. Shepherd, Shamus and the royal guard.

I follow after him and I am made ready for dinner. Another celebration that I am home. I sit through massages and make-up, and I hate every minute of it. My mind is solidly with Igor. I don't want to be, but I am in distress for him.

All the beating he took, and he looked so out of it and there was so much blood. They must have poisoned him; it has to be and it must be very strong to subdue him and I am certain all of it is all the work of Hanser. I swear on the goddess's name, I will have revenge on all of them.

I try to think about what I can do, who I can talk to, and I am coming with empties once more. The only people friendly to me in this kingdom can't help me exactly.

My family won't help me. The palaces servants won't help me. The council won't help me either. And my alliances with these people are what is preventing me from being in jail alongside Igor or dead.

But I need to find an ally. I need to find someone who can give me access to Igor. I need to talk to him. I don't know how, but we need to get out of here.

Just as I am almost ready for another pointless meeting with the nobility of this kingdom, one of the guards announces Shepherd's mother. I am half tempted to not allow her in. When we met yesterday, she was too sweet for my taste. She kept rubbing my belly and telling me how she knew I could do it.

I wanted so badly to remind her this isn't her son's child, but I don't know how that will work out because that woman's villainess isn't something I want to be reacquainted with, so I kept quiet. I gesture for them to let her in. I am getting prepared in one of the other guest chambers in the royal wing.

Two servant girls walk before her. One carrying white roses and another a container with sweet treats.

"Oh dear, how are you on this beautiful day and how is my grandson?" She beams at me. She has told herself that I am carrying a boy child and there is no convincing her otherwise. I haven't commented or disputed it.

I don't find it anywhere inside of me to smile at her or be friendly. This show she's putting on is mad. She knows better than most there isn't a possibility this is Shepherd's child; I don't know if she's working with her son, or she really is delusional.

"Queen, hello." I greet her back. While in the past I refused to call her 'queen' because it was my title, I now find that it is a title I very much want to return to her.

I am no longer the queen of this kingdom, and it repulses me to be addressed that way. I bear it again for my family. But she doesn't cease to amaze me as she beams even brighter at the title.

"I brought you both some treats and flowers from my garden. I remember how much you used to love white roses." She points where she wants the items to be placed and I don't comment.

"Your kindness floors me, queen. How has your day been?" I zone out after I ask the question, hoping she takes an hour talking about her tedious life of endless social gatherings and her society meetings.

I miss my life. I miss my life in the forest with Igor. I miss cooking together. I had started teaching him how to make basic baby food in case I am too weak to make food after the baby is born. He was still bad but not as bad as he was before.

His soup was getting there at least. I miss him holding me in his arms and how attentive he was to all my needs. In fact, everything that pertains to me: from my emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual and sexual needs, and all with equal fervor, determination and interest.

I miss bath time and the little massages he would give me. Our child misses him too, I can tell. Though they still move but it isn't with the enthusiasm like when their father would be nearby.

I sigh, my child must be distressed. I don't even know how to not be distressed when we are in the situation we are in. Once again it feels like that day I almost died. When the river was pushing me to the waterfall. When I saw my death the closer I got and when I fell, the fall felt never-ending but also too soon my body collided with the water and I couldn't move my body.

As I sank to the blackness, I knew it was over. But then Wolfie and Igor saved me. I wonder if it will be like that this time, or I am holding a candle for a stroke of luck I'll never experience again.

In the arena, Igor mouthed that he would save me. But I worry. I trust him and his determination where we are concerned, and I know he will do everything in his power to make it happen, but I worry. I worry about all the forces we are against.

Shepherd and Shamus clearly have a plan to make me, and Igor suffer in the foreseeable future, and we are surely dead in a month. But will we even make it till then? Will he be alive then? It is clear from Shepherd's talking that he intends to make the arena a usual occurrence.

"Aria!" Shepherd's mother's voice brings me out of my thoughts, and I am brought back to the present.

"Yes, queen? Did you say something?"

"I have been talking to you, have you not heard a word I said?" I see annoyance but hidden under her new sugary sweet exterior that isn't real. I see the cracks now.

"Sorry, I must have dosed off. I hardly had great sleep last night and I am a little tired." I say in my small show of vulnerability.

She frowns. "Is it the baby keeping you up?" she asks.

"No, me and..." I look to the servants in the room, and I lower my voice. "your son last night." I smile a fake smile.

She chuckles a confused chuckle. So, the truth shows itself: she knows exactly what's going on. She knows there is no way Shepherd would have bedded me or been near me. This old witch knows it all and she is just putting on a show.

"Oh dear, that is wonderful news. I hope that son of mine was...ahem, gentle." She wiggles her eyebrows and I give her my fakest smile.

"So, anyway, I was saying about the ladies' society, they miss you and you have to come with me." She says expectedly. Like I am supposed to beam and say yes.

I remember her society very well and I hate those women almost as much as I hate her. A lot of them were mothers disgruntled whose daughters were not chosen and they relished me not falling pregnant. They hated that my family was coming from upper middle class instead of the high society like they expected the next queen to come from.

Their taunts were never obvious, riding just under the veil of niceness and performed politeness but they were there, and they hurt me a lot at the time. I doubt I'd care now but still, if I never see their faces again, it would be too soon.

"I don't know, queen. With my belly so big and after everything, I don't know if I will have the energy to keep up with your ladies." I smile my disingenuous smile.

"Nonsense, dear, you don't even have to stay long. Just come and say hello."

I know I won't win this discussion, so I nod because there is no way I am escaping this.

"Wonderful!" she claps that annoying clap she used to do. Since I'm back I have been reminded of everything I use to hate and somethings I used to not find as annoying but now I can't stand them.

She drones on and on until the servant girls are finished with me, and they drape me in a gold dress for this dinner, all together with the royal crown. A crown I only used to wear on special occasions.

They tie my hair at the back and the heavy-jeweled monstrosity sits on my head. It makes me wonder about Igor's homeland. I know all the stories he's told me about it, but I wish I could see it one day. I wonder if their royalty is as exhausting as this one. I wonder how it would be to be queen of such a people.

I wonder if they would accept me at all as a human. I wonder if it would be as suffocating as this one. From what Igor has told me, they are very loyal to their kind and there aren't many outsiders allowed in. With only two tribes, there isn't really much room for much else, I guess.

But that is a future too far from me now any way. I can barely see two months into my future. And if we escape, we will have to find somewhere else to settle and raise our child. I will miss our little house. With the remodels it was really beautiful and spacious.

It provided enough room for everything we required. The baby's room was almost ready too and my corner where I had a desk and Igor built me a shelf for the few books he'd gotten me. I hadn't been writing as much as I was when I lived here.

It turns out my inspiration may come from sadness – and I wasn't sad with Igor so I didn't have much to write about – which explains my itch to write again since I've been back here. We were happy. We had everything I could ever want.

The goddess is cruel for having me taste true paradise before snatching it from my fingers. If we don't make it and we die, I will get to the other side and I will curse the goddess for making me taste the life of my dreams only to snatch it from me. I am no longer able to be happy with just anything after tasting Igor.

Me and Shepherd's mother walk together to the dinner, and it is a spectacle like I expected. Shepherd wouldn't let me out of his sight, and he made a public show of giving me attention.

Though most fools bought it but there were some people who knew us before who seem to be uncomfortable with it and saw right through it. My gaze was mostly on Hanser and his wife. He looked uncomfortable with the spotlight Shepherd and Shamus kept shining on him for saving me and I know they were doing it on purpose because of how uncomfortable he looked.

But it serves him just right. I kept thinking if I had known he'd betray us then I would have forbidden Igor from helping him. if only I knew. If only. But none of that matters. The only fight is staying alive for now.

But one day and hopefully soon we will make it out of here.

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