RECAP:

And before I could escape his hold and return to filling all of my belongings into a single suitcase, Ashton whispered once again.

"I would die for you Becca. If that is what it took for you to be mine. Because I love you. I promise it'll all make sense soon."

I couldn't take it anymore.

More word games.

More unanswered questions.

"I promise." He said once more as I slammed the bathroom door in his face like I did on my first day living with the Miles family,before proceeding to slide down against the wall.

1 hour and 20 minutes somehow felt shorter when floating 32,000ft in the air. That is compared to sitting in my room and staring blankly at the wall for the same amount of time.

I flipped my phone around once more.

No more notifications other than Maisy sending me yet another tiktok.

After all, it had only been two minutes since I last checked the time.

Was I stupid for waiting?...Maybe. But what Ashton had said wasn't him. He wouldn't say that. He loved me. And if you love someone you don't just leave them at the click of a finger.

So I guess that's what I'm doing in this very spot, refusing to leave.

Refusing to accept his goodbye.

Because I love him. I've always loved Ashton.

I loved Ashton in my childhood despite how he began to pick on me and tease me at the age of six.

I even loved Ashton for how he discreetly tried to turn away boys who spiked an interest in me as we grew up, even though he couldn't make it anymore obvious.

I loved Ashton for finding me on the night of Vinnie's houseparty and the way that it goes mutually unspoken between us, despite the hints that Ashton drops for me to open up to him about it. I knew after that night, that deep down, Ashton loved me as well. Maybe it was in a little sister or platonic way, but for those last two days before he moved to Marseille, something in our dynamic changed ever so slightly.

Such as the way that he would 'accidentally' stumble into my room on both of those mornings when I was in only a towel because he claimed to be looking for the same bathroom which he had used hundreds of times. Or how we would even hold eye contact across the halls at college until one of our friends would pull us elsewhere.

But most of all?... I remember the evening where they caught their plane and how tightly Ashton hugged me before they left as if I would never see him again.

So after all we have been though, why did he leave now?

"This isn't real." I muttered beneath my breath, tracing the tops of my knees that sat tightly wrapped in my arms.

Without thinking, my hand shifted to the skin on top of my knee and pinched it firmly between two fingers.

After a minute of stinging, the area momentarily turned numb as I exhaled a frustrated sign.

I guess that I wasn't dreaming after all.

With my body still paralysed on the carpeted floor, my eyes flicked to the packed suitcase a couple of metres away from me.

I never want to leave. I thought as I gritted my teeth to turn my sadness into anger.

However, my eyes remained glossy when a blur of a body rushed through my door.

Rapidly blinking to clear my vision, I was met with a tear stained figure.

"Josie?" I croaked.

"Y-You already know don't you?" She wailed, her hands visibly tugging at her hair in a fit.

"Know what Josie?" I replied, finally moving to comfort my unstable friend.

"T-The ambulance. A-Ashton." She cried again, her petite body violently shaking in my arms as her red bloodshot eyes blinked more tears that welled from deep inside her and coursed down her cheeks.

I lifted her back to her feet and gripped her hand before pulling us towards the door but she quickly pulled it from my own.

In a moment of confusion, I took her hand again, only for it to slip once more.

"I can't." She broke down to the floor. "I can't see him like that again."

My eyes scanned the room before they met hers.

"What's happened Josie? You need to tell me what has happened to Ashton." I begged.

"I thought you knew." She questioned, the tears now slowing down. However what took me off guard was the way a forced smile now stretched across her blotchy face. "After All, the note was only addressed to you." She finished and let out a hurt chuckle before I hugged her like she did to me on the night of Vinnie's houseparty.

After pulling away, the journey to the beach was a blur.

I found myself counting every step, every crack that I stepped on to occupy my pounding head.

This can't be goodbye.

This can't be the end of our story.

Our chapter hasn't even been written yet.

It was only when my feet curled around the damp sand that I noticed myself gasping for air.

I paused.

Each breath felt like a dagger through my chest, the sharp blade re-piercing me with every inhale.

Suddenly I found myself coughing and spluttering as the deep grey clouds above me wrapped around my frame and squeezed all the oxygen from my lungs.

With my throat burning and my eyes heavy, I continued to force myself towards the flashing blue lights.

A few hundred meters from the house, several coloured vehicles surrounded the beach as people dove into the unforgiving waves dressed in black skin-tight suits.

My stomach churned at the sight.

Inching closer, a bitter wind resulted in me squeezing my sore eyes shut.

And for that second, I imagined for everything to be ok.

I imagined myself wrapped in Ashtons arms on this very beach. The sun casting a bright glow onto the two of us as he looked down on me with a mischievous grin. I imagined for him to tuck a single curl of hair behind my left cheek and him to lean into my lips.

Opening my eyes, my strides became faster although my body struggled to fight the violent gusts of wind.

Did I even tell him how much I care? How much I already miss him?

My mind continued to recall his last words to me.

"I would die for you Becca. If that is what it took for you to be mine. Because I love you. I promise it'll all make sense soon."

I didn't understand.

I didn't want to understand.

I just wanted him.

I needed him.

"Vous devez prendre du recul madame." An officer dressed in black uniform commanded me.

"English?" I asked, tugging my hand across my teary eyes in a pathetic attempt to stop the crying.

I must look so weak. I told myself.

The officer stared blankly at me for a moment before holding up a finger towards me and tapping his colleague on the shoulder.

The friendly faced woman told me to take a step back but her words quickly sounded distant when I turned back towards the sea.

"Are you ok madam?" She asked yet again but once more I was spinning. The woman proceeded to ask me many questions, however her voice was just a soft echo that I couldn't quite interpret.

Focusing on the water, I caught the slightest glimpse of a body ascending from the crashing waves.

Ignoring the woman's efforts to stop me from entering the crime scene, I ran beneath the displayed yellow tape and towards the body surrounded by divers.

Four men in wetsuits appeared from the angry sea carrying a thin stretcher.

As I ran towards them, all I could think about was the poor person who had their life taken in such a fast approaching storm.

It wasn't him, I thought.

Even though I was at least 40 meters away from them, I knew that it wasn't Ashton.

It couldn't be.

Ashtons body wasn't purple and swollen. It wasn't cold and bloated.

Ashton's hair was golden and floppy, It didn't drape over his skeleton-like face in wet knots.

Asnton's hands were warm and could rub small circles on my own, they weren't white and wouldn't hang off a stretcher so lifelessly.

The body before me, the body that I refused to recognise, that wasn't Ashton.

Yes, the body wore the same swim shorts that I saw him take from a draw earlier today, but Ashton would have known better thanks to swimming into the storm.

One million heartbeats condensed into a single second as I looked over my shoulder to see Josie's body protected in Ethans strong embrace.

My eyes dared to let more tears out when his eyes found my own.

I bit my lip... And I bit it hard.

I had to be strong for Ethan, just like he has always been for me.

Within moments, a metallic taste surrounded my mouth, Good.

I didn't dare walk over to where they stood, for they were alongside Ashtons parents who also held onto each other as if they were next.

Another breeze made me wrap my shaking hands around myself.

Unlike the others, right now, I only had myself to hold onto. For the cold body on the stretcher couldn't hold onto anyone anymore.

The body let go. They found another world. A better world.

Glancing back over to the familiar faces who were all broken with loss, I thought that they were probably asking the same question as me.

That question being: Why?

Maybe the answer was in the note that Josie talked about.

Maybe he had it planned for a while.

Maybe I will see him again just like he promised.

"I promise" He told me.

I swallowed the blood on my tongue before the woman officer guided me to a foldable chair and handed me a plastic cup filled with water.

I swirled the liquid around imagining what drowning to death must have felt like.

Peaceful? Quick?... I imagined how the panic would have faded into numbness as my heartbeat slowed. I would quickly find the shimmering walls of water and soundlessness beautiful. Would I sink rapidly? Would my lungs burn with their desperate desire for air?

A sound of thunder boomed over the already unsettled beach which made me jolt in my seat.

I pulled the blanket given to me by the officer over my knees and looked around once more.

The last person who I expected to see, stood against a nearby tree overlooking the entire scene.

Their once familiar eyes carried a look of hope.

Sam.

He offered me a smile but I couldn't bear it anymore.

My eyes snapped back to the red patch on my knee before I decided to give it one last squeeze.

Another sound of thunder echoed.

My touch had no effect on the area and I couldn't feel a thing.

Is this what it feels like to be numb? To be empty?

Soon I found it hard to focus on these thoughts no matter how hard I tried.

Was something put in that water? I tried to think but everything was turning dark.

Forget that... everything was already pitch black.

And when I finally managed to regain my vision, I rubbed my eyes and confusion struck.

Suddenly I was back on the plane.