《Until I Met You》22 | "i feel awful."
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"Oh my God," Kendall mumbles to herself as she opens my bedroom door, letting herself in without bothering to knock. I wish she would have for once, as I'm not exactly proud of the state my sister finds me in.
Though it's daytime, my room is pitch black. The curtains are still drawn, blocking any form of light. My hair is a mess, and I haven't gotten out of my bed since the night before. Empty wrappers are strewn across my comforter, the only sound in the room coming from my TV where The Vampire Diaries has been playing nonstop, because Stefan Salvatore is basically the only thing giving me joy in my moment of crisis.
"You're still in bed?" Kendall questions, glancing down at me with a disgusted expression. Before I have the chance to answer, she marches into my room and heads straight for the window. It's like I myself have turned into a vampire, as I shriek and hide from the light beneath my blanket the second Kendall pulls open my curtains.
"Oh no you don't!" Kendall chides, tugging on the end of my blanket. I fight her, pulling back as hard as I can. Unfortunately for me, I'm weak from spending so many hours in bed, and Kendall manages to easily tear the blanket away from me.
"Go away," I groan, burying my face in my pillow.
"Not until you tell me what's wrong with you," Kendall argues, taking a seat next to me on my bed. I hadn't expected her to ask me such a thing, as it normally seems as if my sister couldn't care less about me. She must realize it's a strange thing for her to say, because she elaborates, "You've been moping all weekend, Jade. I mean, I know you're weird. But normally not this weird. So tell me what's wrong, or you're not getting your remote back."
I gasp, noticing that Kendall indeed has my TV remote held captive in her grasp. Which totally sucks, because the TV is paused on a blurry scene in which Stefan is shirtless, and I kind of want to make the screen a little less blurry so I can enjoy the image.
"Like you care," I mumble in response, forcing myself to sit up and shooting Kendall a glare.
She merely rolls her blue eyes, glaring right back at me. "There you go again," she mutters. "Always choosing to believe that everyone is out to get you. Always seeing the worst in people. I'm trying to be nice to you, Jade. Can't you make it a little easier for me?"
I exhale slowly as I hold my pillow close to my chest. "If I told you what was wrong," I say slowly, unable to meet her gaze. "You'd just make fun of me and call me stupid."
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"Newsflash, Jade," Kendall snaps, "I already make fun of you and think you're stupid. What's your point?"
I shoot my sister an offended glance, which she is quick to mock. Oddly enough, this makes some of the tension around us fade.
I sigh. "I feel awful," I admit, the words forming a lump in my throat.
"And why do you feel awful?" Kendall questions, her tone slightly snippy, though I see a gleam of concern in her eyes that wasn't there before.
"Because." I hesitate before going on, the lump in my throat having doubled. My voice is thick with oncoming tears, my vision blurring as I feel tears pricking the corners of my eyes.
"You gotta give me more to work with than because," Kendall edges me on, shaking her head.
"Because I have this amazing boyfriend who is so good to me," I whisper while looking down at my hands. "And I like him. A lot. And I don't want to hurt him."
"Then don't hurt him," Kendall mutters, as if things are that easy. "Problem solved."
"It's not that simple," I retort. "Last night, when Luke was helping me with the dishes? He told me he still has feelings for me, Kendall. And I feel awful, because I have this perfect boyfriend, but there's this other boy in the picture. And I don't want to hurt Luke, either. But I also don't want to string him along. I feel like nothing I do is right, and I'm going to hurt someone no matter what. Luke told me he still has feelings for me, and . . . I just don't want that to change anything."
My words hang in the air like storm clouds threatening rain. I inhale a shaky breath, almost afraid to look over at my sister now that I've set the truth free.
"Well," Kendall starts, glancing at me pointedly. "Does it?"
"Does it . . . what?"
"Does Luke admitting he still has feelings for you change anything?"
I open my mouth to respond, though find no words. I sit in silence for a moment, thinking about my answer. Finally, I settle on, "I don't know."
Kendall shakes her head. "Wrong answer."
I furrow my eyebrows, my expression conveying my confusion.
"You were supposed to say that it doesn't change things," Kendall clarifies. "Because Luke having feelings for you doesn't change anything. Unless you want it to."
It takes a moment for her words to sink in, and when they settle they hit me hard.
"Luke could be madly in love with you, and you know what? That's okay. Because you can't control how he feels. You can't control how anyone feels but yourself, Jade. And if you're with Liam and want to be with Liam, then that's great. It's your decision. And the only person who can change that decision is you."
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I'm kind of surprised, as so far Kendall has been . . . well, she's right. And, ironically enough, the words I've most been needing to hear are coming from my sister.
Kendall rises from my bed then, evidently ready to move on with her day. I don't get the chance to say a word before she is speaking again, her words hitting me harder than before.
"But you know what I think?" Kendall questions nonchalantly, lingering by my bedroom door. "I think that your reaction to Luke admitting he has feelings for you proves the truth. It does change things. But the question is: What are you going to do about it?"
»»----- -----««
"So, the first game of the season is Friday," Liam tells me as I shove my book-bag into my locker. I nod in response as I reach for a few of my notebooks, closing my locker to face my boyfriend.
"Good to know," I tease, biting back a smile. "Any particularly reason you're telling me this?"
"Well." Liam shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, a nervous habit of his I've since become accustomed to. "I was hoping you might be interested in going."
"Let me think," I murmur, lifting a finger to my chin. "Spend my Friday night watching a bunch of boys run around with sticks, or spend my Friday night in bed watching The Vampire Diaries?"
Liam rolls his eyes, grinning and making his dimples appear. "It was one thing when I had to endure your endless Percy Jackson rants. But now I'm losing out to Stefan Salvatore?"
"I'm only teasing," I assure Liam, shoving his shoulder playfully. "You know I'll be at your game."
A deep voice clearing its throat a few feet away startles me, and I turn around to find Piper, Luke, and Peter all huddled around Emma's locker, the four of them staring at me and Liam as we break apart from a lingering kiss.
I pull away from Liam, blushing.
"Oh, hey guys," I say, trying to sound casual. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Not long," Emma says as Peter remarks, "Just long enough to watch you guys suck each other's faces."
My cheeks flush red.
"We were just talking about the game," Liam changes the subject in an attempt to make things less awkward. Unfortunately, things are always awkward when Luke and Liam are within at least two feet of each other.
"The lacrosse game?" Luke speaks up, which is more than I thought he'd say. Normally, around me or Liam, Luke tends to pretend he is invisible. I guess he's changed recently, however, considering how blatant he'd been with me the other night.
"Um, yeah," I say, forcing myself to meet Luke's gaze. He wears an amused expression, a strange light gleaming in his eyes. What's more unsettling than this is the fact that he's actually smiling, which is a rarity from Luke Bradford.
"First game of the season and all," I continue, feeling the need to elaborate for some reason.
"Yeah," Luke says, leaning against the locker behind him. His eyes on mine suddenly make it hard to breathe. "Are you going?"
I see his lips moving, yet I don't hear the words. I'm too busy getting lost in his eyes, drowning in those ocean blue irises of his. All the while, my boyfriend is standing next to me, a thought that immediately snaps me out of my daze.
"Um, what?" I stutter, blushing furiously.
Luke smirks, as if he knows exactly what I'd previously been thinking. Repeating himself, he asks, "Are you going? To the game?"
"Uh, yeah. I'm going." I find it strangely hard to speak. Why does Luke have this effect on me, and how do I make it stop?
"Interesting." By the tone Luke uses to say the word and the expression he speaks with, it's clear that he means it. It's so obvious that his words seem to have some sort of double meaning, even Liam doesn't miss it. He stiffens next to me, eyes wandering from me to Luke, as if trying to figure out what's going on between the two of us with nothing but a look. I wish him luck with that, because even I don't know what's going on between Luke and I.
"I guess?" I murmur, unsure of what to say in response.
"Well, I should head to class. But I'm looking forward to Friday." Luke's smirk is much too wicked to stand for anything good. He shoots me a pointed glance as he brushes past me, purposefully rubbing his hand against my exposed leg. I curse myself for feeling sparks at his touch.
With that, Luke turns to go. He only stops once more in front of Liam, patting my boyfriend on the chest as he mutters, "I'm sure we're all going to have a lot of fun."
»»----- -----««
a/n: my head hurts.
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