Thankfully, the following day is Saturday.

I don't know what I would do if I had to go to school after what happened yesterday with Luke. Having to face him in the hallways, during lunch, in class. It would only be a matter of time before our friends noticed the hickeys the two of us are sporting and put two and two together. Not to mention, I'm definitely not ready to face Liam yet. I'm sure that he's going to be done with me—I'm sure Kendall will be telling him what she saw happen with me and Luke, if she hasn't already—and I'm simply not ready for things between us to end yet.

My actions haven't much reflected how much I care about Liam, but I really do. A lot. He's the first person I've met since moving here whom I feel really understands me. We're similar in all the ways that matter most, yet different in ways that make the two of us together interesting. Around him, I feel comforted. Safe.

Then there's Luke . . .

I'm not sure if the kiss (or kisses) we shared were real on his end, or merely some twisted mind game of his. If I really get to thinking about it, I think I have everything figured out. Luke came over to my house to pretend our agreement was off, knowing I'd no doubt be confused. He manipulated my anger so that I'd have enough adrenaline running to not be too shocked when he kissed me. Things probably went farther than he thought they would, which seemingly only ended up better for him in the long run. I'm sure he was counting on word getting back to Liam, therefore ending my relationship with him, and leaving Liam so hurt he'd be much too distracted for lacrosse tryouts, leading to him losing team captain and guaranteeing Luke the spot.

I mean, it sounds like some sort of evil-genius plan Luke would come up with. Yet part of me won't stop wondering if maybe I just want to believe this explanation because the alternative—Luke actually being attracted to me—is almost too scary to believe.

And with that thought, I roll out of bed. I wander over to the mirror, studying the faint dark marks along my neck. I run my fingertips over the skin tenderly, willing the bruises to disappear. Of course, they remain intact, and I begin to feel as if my reflection is mocking me.

I turn away from the mirror and get ready for the day, summoning enough courage to wander downstairs. I wish I could spend the day holed up in my room, but I can't. I'll have to face my sister someone, and hiding out in my room will only make me seem all the more guilty.

Kendall is in the kitchen when I get downstairs, sitting at the bar and eating cereal. She's not even on her phone like she usually is, simply sitting there . . . as if she'd been waiting for me. She glances up at me as I enter the room, though doesn't say anything. Her nonchalance only adds to my nerves.

I reach in the cabinet and grab myself a bowl and pour some cereal into it. I'm not necessarily hungry, but I'm waiting for Kendall to mention something about telling Liam I cheated on him and that she's happy to have no doubt ruined my relationship the way I ruined her life by being the reason our family had to move out to New York.

Only, she doesn't say a word. Nothing at all.

After a few moments pass, I can't take the silence any longer.

"You told Liam, didn't you?" I ask, unable to help myself. My voice sounds weak, as if it may break at any given moment.

Kendall raises an eyebrow at me questioningly, like she doesn't know what I'm talking about. "Tell Liam . . . what?"

I set my bowl down on the counter before me, wondering if my sister is experiencing brain damage or a sudden contraction of amnesia.

"You told Liam about me and Luke . . . kissing?" It's less of a statement than a question, as Kendall's attitude is setting me off.

Kendall rolls her eyes like I'm wasting her time. "Oh, don't remind me. I still can't believe you got to kiss Luke Bradford before me. I mean, I thought he hated you."

I'm stunned into silence. Exactly what is going on here? Where is my sister, the girl who never so much as hesitates when she gets her hands on evidence that could ruin my life? She's acting extremely calm about this situation, which is so unlike her it's almost funny.

"Wait." I have to take a moment to wrap my head around what's happening here. "Let me get this straight . . . you didn't tell Liam that I cheated on him with Luke?"

"Cheated?" Kendall repeats, raising her eyebrows. Then she laughs, genuine laughter, like she finds me hilarious. "Why would I tell Liam that you and Luke kissed? I didn't even think the two of you were serious. I thought Liam went on, like, one pity date with you. What are you getting so worked up about?"

I take in Kendall's words for a moment. I guess she's right . . . I mean, if we're going by technicality, then I really didn't cheat on Liam, as we're not official or anything. Though we have been seeing a lot of each other, and I feel like things between us could become more.

"You seemed so freaked yesterday, though," I point out. "I was so sure that you were going to . . ." I trail off, unsure of what to say.

"What?" Kendall rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed with me by now. "Going to run to your side dude and tell him what you were doing with boy-toy number one? God, Jade. I'm a lot of things, but I'm no gossip. I got the feeling that you wanted to keep what you did with Luke private, but also that you regretted it. I mean, I don't like you and we fight a lot and I'm definitely still mad at you for making us leave California for stealing, but I'm still your sister. Do you seriously think I'd want the fact that you nearly slept with Luke Bradford while seeing Liam Wellington to get out? People would start slut-shaming you, and calling you awful names. And I don't want to be known as the thief and the slut's sister . . . and besides, if people started saying things like that about you, I'd have to defend you. And I don't wanna do that."

I'm shocked by my sister's words in a surprisingly good way, and I don't think that's something that's ever happened before.

Kendall stands and goes to set her bowl down in the sink, turning to me with her arms crossed over her chest. Her blue eyes are narrowed as they meet mine, her voice snippy as she mutters, "You know, I don't get why you always see the worst in me, Jade. I get that we don't get along, and maybe we never will. But sometimes you should give me some credit. I'm not the monster-bitch you've painted me as in your head. You should think about that sometimes."

I'm left stunned yet again, this time because Kendall sounds a lot like . . . well, she sounds a lot like Luke. I realize now that two people have pointed out this flaw of mine. I really do often choose to see the worst people have to offer. I mean, I got out of bed this morning with no doubt in my mind that Kendall had told Liam about everything that happened with Luke. In reality, she'd kept my awful secret. My sister was being nice to me and doing something she didn't have to do merely to protect me, and here I was assuming she'd been elated at a chance to ruin my life.

"You know what else, Jade?" Kendall turns back around to face me, as she walked off toward the staircase sometime when I was lost in thought. "You should open your eyes so you can see what's right in front of you. You're so intent on Liam, claiming that he 'understands' you and whatnot, but in reality you've only gone on a few dates with him. You're not even official or anything. You're so preoccupied trying to turn this boy into what you want him to be, you've failed to see that there's someone else standing right in front of you. And I have the feeling there's nothing you could do to make them turn their back on you."

"What do you mean?" I ask in a weak voice, though I have a vague idea of what my sister is getting at here.

Kendall merely shakes her head in response, and I notice that she looks almost . . . envious. My sister—perfect and beautiful Kendall—jealous of me? Yeah, right.

"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about." And with that, Kendall wanders off up the stairs, leaving me alone within seconds.

I'm not sure what scares me more: the fact that I think I do know what my sister is talking about, or that I know who she's talking about.

»»----- -----««

I'm not looking forward to school when Monday rolls around.

Thankfully, the marks Luke left on my neck have faded somewhat. Enough so that I can cover the spots with minimal amounts of makeup, sure no one will notice. At least, I hope not.

In the morning upon arriving at school, I stop by my locker as usual. Emma appears within seconds, and we strike up conversation. Then Piper shows up, which only makes our conversation all the more interesting.

Around my friends, I begin to feel at ease. They always manage to help calm me down when I'm facing stress—such as the thought of running into Luke after what happened the last time we were together.

It's as if my thoughts summon him.

One minute, I'm talking and laughing with Emma and Piper as if nothing in my life could go wrong. The next, I'm absentmindedly staring at Luke as if he's suddenly my whole world.

I hate myself for the way my heart flutters at the sight of him. I'm unsure if this is because Luke looks gorgeous, as usual, or because my heart remembers the way he had it racing the last time I was alone with him.

Luke walks down the hallway as casually as ever, and if he notices me staring he doesn't acknowledge it. In fact, he doesn't seem to have noticed me yet.

Our gazes lock in seconds. It feels as if time stops around me, because I'm suddenly only aware of the boy before me. I don't know how he manages to do that, to make everything around me just . . . stop. I wish he didn't have that sort of power over me, because I can't let myself feel for him these emotions that have been surfacing around him as of late.

Then Luke is moving again, and it feels as if he takes a little piece of my heart with him. I'm thinking he's merely going to pass me by, certain he doesn't want to talk to me. Maybe Luke has forgotten to put his guards up once again or maybe I've finally learned how to read him, but I can sense that he is hurting with one look into his blue eyes.

Hurting because of me.

For a moment, I try to see things from a different perspective. Luke claimed that he wasn't using me when we kissed, that the ordeal wasn't part of a bigger plan. And if that were true it would mean Luke was sincere; that he really did want to kiss me because he felt . . . that way about me. I shut him down, calling him a liar to his face. And if he really did have feelings for me . . .

Well shit.

He doesn't, I tell myself, unsure of if I believe the words or merely trying to make myself feel better about potentially having hurt him. Luke hates you. Duh. He was using you. Luke only cares about what Luke wants, and he'll do anything to get it.

"Hey, Luke!" Emma exclaims brightly as the boy of my thoughts passes our small circle, bringing me back to reality.

I notice that Luke looks pained, though stops for a moment to respond. "Hey, Em."

I also notice the way he refuses to so much as glance at me. I almost want him to look my way, just so I can be sure I didn't break his fragile little heart over what happened between us in my room. I mean, I couldn't have. There is no way Luke Bradford has actual feelings for me. He can hardly stand me, and he's proven that many times.

So why do I still feel so unconvinced?

"What? No 'Hey Pipes'?" Piper teases as she playfully punches Luke's shoulder in greeting. He rolls his eyes, though mutters a hello in return. Though he still ignores me, and I wonder why his silence is hurting me so much.

Closing my eyes, I'm suddenly back in my bedroom with him just days go. I can feel the way he held me against him tightly, like close wasn't close enough. And the way he kissed me . . . as if he knew it was the only chance he would ever get and he had to make the most of it.

Coming back to earth, I realize that Emma and Luke are immersed in conversation. Out of nowhere, Emma abruptly stops talking, narrowing her eyes as she peers at Luke intently. Even Luke seems to sense her sudden shift in attitude, because he takes a hesitant step backward.

"What?" he asks, sounding worried. Glancing at him, I find that he's finally looked my way. Only, his expression is almost . . . caught. For just a second we share a look, and then his gaze dips to my neck. That's when it hits me.

Emma rises to her tiptoes, studying Luke's neck closely. "Oh my God!" she exclaims suddenly, her eyes wide. "Who gave you that thing?" She almost sounds impressed, and I try my best not to blush.

Piper glances up from her phone as she takes Emma's side, staring at the visible hickey dotting Luke's neck—the one I gave him—and exhales a low whistle. "You didn't tell us you were seeing someone, Luke?"

"Because I'm not," he responds stiffly, and for some reason this is what has my face flaming. My fingers absentminded drift to my neck, and I try to remember if I put concealer on this morning.

"Really? Because that mark on your neck begs to differ." I silently plead for Piper to drop the subject, promising God I will abstain from kissing boys for at least the next three days if he just allows this torture to end.

"It's just a bruise," Luke mutters, clearly uncomfortable. "Nothing to get all worked up about. I have to get to class now."

"Hey, we weren't trying to—"

"I seriously have to go," Luke cuts Emma off before she can finish her sentence, without so much as a glance in her direction. He merely whirls around on his heel, turning his back to the three of us. He doesn't look back once, and suddenly I just . . . know.

Luke really wasn't using me. He was being genuine about his feelings. The reason he can't stand me so much is because he likes me too much, and doesn't know how to handle that. If anything, I'd been the one to use him. I hurt him when I decided to start going out with Liam. Then I hurt him by kissing him, leading him on, and then just . . . dropping him. I told Luke our kiss had been a mistake. I'd claimed to know he had a secret agenda meant to harm me.

Kendall pointed out that I have a habit of seeing the worst in people. But maybe that's because I've been trying so hard to avoid seeing the worst in me. And now that I have, I'm not sure how I'll ever look in a mirror again.

»»----- -----««

a/n: rip grandma. i'll always be your turtledove. love you forever.