Recap:

Should I push him away?

____________

Without a word, his hands untuck my white blouse to make way for his hands to explore my bare skin inside. My breathing hitches as his warm hands get into contact with my naked skin. His touches and kisses are soft than ever. It is like feeling something strangely good. I am feeling an out-of-the-world feeling, and I am liking it. Even though I know if I don't stop now, I may regret it later for sure, but I somehow can't resist his touches at all. For the first time, he is being soft, and I am not resisting him. What is this?

I feel his hands getting out and unbuttoning my blouse, slowly making my breath shallower and prominent. I open my eyes as I feel his kisses going further down to my breast valley and then my upper abdomen. "Jungkook," I unintentionally moan his name. He stops on his track and looks directly into my eyes. I am feeling a little embarrassed and awkward at the moment. I feel a little insecure about exposing my whole self to him. Even though he has seen me in the minimum amount of clothing but never naked.

"Sorry, I went too far," He lets out, leaving me in pure shock. Before I can say anything, he swiftly leaves the room shirtless.

"What just happened?" I ask myself, not able to comprehend the shock at all. I agree. I am happy that he didn't force me for the first time, but his abrupt change in behavior like this is just too complicated for me to understand.

I felt my heart pacing when he hugged me, or maybe I was just flustered by the action. I felt heavenly under his soft touches and kisses, or I was just carried away because he never touched me like that. My head is playing games with me.

When you feel such things, you always try to avoid the answer love. I am trying to do that as well because being in love with him is dangerous. He doesn't love anyone. Why would he love me? I am nothing to him.

- Jungkook -

Walking back and forth in his study room, having a mess of thoughts going in his head, Jungkook is trying to not make it obvious that he is being troubled by his thoughts. He knows he has something for Hana ever since he met her in college, but it wasn't that strong as it is now. He never wanted to admit, why? Of course, if he had, then what would he do with it? He can't force Hana to live "happily" with him knowing he messed up everything from the start.

What type of girl would love a guy who almost took advantage of her drunk self, almost raped her last time, treated like his slave. He curses himself for not realizing that Hana was someone who changed him drastically.

When he found her, he knew he wanted to keep her for more than a night. When she was helpless, he knew he wanted to care for her and help her. When she got weak under him, he knew he wanted to kiss her and tell her he wouldn't do it again. When she was being touched by someone else, he knew he wanted to rip the soul of the guy right then and there. When she was abducted by his rival, he knew he was scared for the first time.

He is well aware of all these but never actually acknowledges it and ignored them. He thought it wasn't something permanent. But what could he do now? He fucked up for real this time. He sighs, feeling tired and exhausted by all the thoughts. "Whatever," He whispers and walks back to see Hana sleeping with a frown on her face. Jungkook can't help but walk to her and scrutinize her facial feature with a small smile.

Everything about her makes Jungkook think she is perfect for him, only for him. He slides into the sheets and watches her closely.

Her closed eyelids, her chubby rosy cheeks, her small nose, her pink lips, her small chin, he just wants to peck all those places and hear her lovely giggles. While thinking this, he chuckles softly, catching himself falling for her.

His lips quiver back to a straight line with sadness in his eyes, he wants to love her with all his heart and soul, but he knows that Hana would never accept a jerk like him, ever.

- Hana -

A week later

I zone out after reading my textbook for an hour. I am thinking about how Jungkook started to ignore me past a week. It isn't like I noticed it right away. After two days of that night, I noticed him being silent and unapproachable. I somehow felt alone without him, even though I went to Hyuna's or Namjoon's house when I have time rather than staying at home this week. I noticed Jungkook never protested for it.

I don't know why but I miss his presence next to me now, I should be happy that he is letting me stay with him without any trouble, but it's like I am longing for his troubles now. I snap out of my dreamland after gracefully wasting time and go back to study. Exams are coming up, and I don't wanna fuck it up as well. Life is already fucked up.

I look for some references for my test online but can't find anything reliable. "Study room must have some useful books," I say while scrolling through the web. I give up and go to the study room to find some books. But never in a million dreams, the thought of Jungkook in the room came into my mind ever. He is sitting in his white shirt while skimming through some documents. He looks up and sees me standing near the door.

"I—" I clear my throat and start again. "I just came to take some books," He nods and goes back to his work. As excepted, he would have called him to him, but he didn't. Are my intuitions working correctly?

Is he bored and fed up with me?

****

My mother said:

She showed us an ultrasound photo-

A PHOTO OF A FETUS... WHAT THE FUCK?

~ˣₒˣₒ Pals~ ♡