The truth about life is, that it is inconsistent and filled up with so much inevitable shit. Whether you stay alive today and dead tomorrow, happy now and miserably sad the next second or hopeful for a lifetime but despairing, counting the days for eternal rest.

And, right of now—hell, I think for a long time—I'm mediant. Physically alive and living the best life anyone could visualize. But, mentally I'm fucking dead and much happy than I should be. Maybe it's because that in my head I still wake up to dark brown—almost black—chunks of wavy hair fanning my bare chest, soft fingertips tracing outlines of my tattoos sending an ache straight to my chest, hurting way more than a needle drawing on my skin or that, fresh air of breath hitting my body and igniting every atom, every nerve and every bone. It's eccentric and deranged how a certain thought, a memory makes you feel better than climaxing or anyone kind of physical pleasure.

It's a constant picture. Like watching the same movie over and over again. Maybe it's because it's my favourite memory—which I like to believe—or that it is the only one I could remember—which I refuse to believe. I feel so mad, hurt and fucked up that I don't remember much of her, even if it has only been five years. So, the only memory I have engraved to my head is the little feelings. Like, how I felt her skin against mine, how her breath made me feel alive, how her smile lighted up the whole fucking world and her brown eyes aligning my way of life. She's not even alive but fuck, my life still depends on her.

Calling the bartender for another refill of scotch, I gulp down the rest of the liquid, missing that burning sensation. The things I'd do to drink alcohol for the first time.

"Take it down a bit, will ya?" Jason nudged my elbow before bringing back the weed bud to his mouth.

"Unlike you, I'm not getting high every single fucking day," I retort. He squint his eyes at me looked at his phone for the umpteenth time. Apparently, Jennifer for some psychotic reason kicked my step-brother out of their apartment and Jason being... well, Jason is scared shitless with an engagement ring in his pocket.

"Maybe she found out you're going to propose and freaked out?" Mason suggest, tending his own drink. We have been solving this 'Jennifer freak out mystery' for what seems like hours since Jason called an emergency meeting and it had to be on a day I'm in town. There's so much shit I'd rather do than sit here, in a club surrounded by all my addictions other than a specific one. An addiction I wouldn't be able to devour, ever again. The thought stings in my chest and I felt a wave of anger pent up, the more this bartender takes time to fill up my empty glass.

Think good things, Damien. Like, the sound of her laughter, her delicate voice, smooth skin.

God, I hate the fact that Rhea is my only cure. It has been years and to this day no doctor or therapist has been able to ease me up without letting me outrage and lose my shit. The mere thought of her cools me down a bit. But there were times when emotions win over thoughts, over Rhea. It's getting harder day by day hence, the alcohol addiction.

All hail the lord, the bartender filled up my glass with an apology for the delay which I politely dismiss.

"You know who'd have some sort of idea about this?" I ask them, my eye strained on the water beading down the glass. "Jared," I tell.

"The fucker is smarter than us twenty-three-year-olds," Mason backed me up.

"Alright, then let's tell him to meet up?" said Jason.

"Can't. He's not eighteen yet," I tell. Jason smirked and dialled Jared's number on his phone.

"Everyone I want is eighteen in my club. Hell, we could even tell him to bring Honey too," he said in giddy. I didn't know he was joking or not, but I smacked the back of his head either way. My own phone vibrated in my back pocket. Sparing a glance at the caller ID, I was quick to get on my feet and move away from the blasting music.

"Hello?"

"Mr Jones?"

"Speaking" my chest pounded against my rib cage in heavy beats.

"Congratulations, sir. Your application has been accepted by the McLaren team. An acceptance letter will be emailed," he said and my heartbeat felt normal. Relief floods through me with immense happiness, I couldn't help the wide grin taking up my face.

"Thank you," I tell.

"Hope to see you next season, Mr Jones." I decline the call and in impulse, my eyes lift up to the star-lit sky.

"Thank you," I whispered, giving the best smile I could put up

"Thank you so much, my love." Gripping the silver necklace around my neck, I close my eyes and let the breezy air kiss my face, imagining that it is my Lia's sweet breath, her small hands placed on my face, plump lips forming into a proud smile. She places her forehead against mine and whispered, "I'm so proud of you, baby."

"I love you so fucking much, Lia," I tell into thin air. Opening my eyes been met with nothing but the night sky but all I see is her. Because, the sky, the sun, the moon and all the fucking stars is my Rhea—the love of my life, my soulmate, most of all my angel.

The doors into the bar flapped open and Jason along with Mason joined me, both of them looking back at the sky.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" asked Mason, tucking his hands into his hoodie.

"The most beautiful," I said with a ghost of a smile and both of them knew I wasn't just talking about the sky. Jason's hand came around my shoulder, taking a heavy breath of air, he didn't look away.

"God, I fucking miss her," he said.

"You have no idea," I tell. Moments pass just three grown men admiring the sky but we all know, we just missing one specific girl.

"I got accepted by McLaren."

"What!" both of them shrieked, looking at me in shock.

"Yeah," I mutter. Mason was first to hug it out, patting my back.

"Congrats, man!"

"Brother, you're lying," said Jason, his mouth still agape.

"Want me to open up my emails?" I ask.

"Congratulations, dude this is great. Fuck my life this is amazing." He came in a bro hug and muttered, "fuck you! you're going to be the favourite son again."

"Little brother, I was always the favourite," I laugh.

He held a hand up and turned to face Mason.

"Tell him, I was the favourite son, right? you know when he refused to go to college?"

"Screw both of you. Lily is a milf and loves me more than any of you," he said proudly.

"Fucker, that's our mom!" said both me and Jason in unison, going for his neck.

+++

I have been waiting for this exact moment for quite some time. The day I finally have something to do with my life, something that will not only me but would make Lia happy too. If you're thinking that it's the day I move on? it's not. There wouldn't be a day I 'move one' because in heart, to this day I am still overly and irrevocably in love with, Rhea. As crazy as it sounds yes, I am in love with a dead person. But that is all that my life has been, crazy and so much in love with one specific girl.

"I am going to miss you." Tiny hands wrapped around my pinky. Honey looked at me with an overly exaggerated pout and flapped her long eyelashes.

Bending down at her height I placed a kiss on her small palm.

"Who's my strongest and smartest girl?" I ask.

"Honey is the strongest and..." she took a heavy breath "smartest. And I will hold my head high and and—"

"Screw everyone," I finish for her with a light laugh. "You will remember that right?" she nods and wrapped her hands around my neck. I hug the smartest three-year-old anyone would know, tighter because fuck, I am going to miss this little ball of sunshine and sass.

"Go on," I urge her inside. "You'll catch cold and nana would kill me." With a little wave and a dimpled smile, Honey sprints inside.

"You take care of her for me," I tell Jared who was leaning against the door frame and now joined me in the patio.

"Really?" he cocked an eyebrow, laughing at this absurdity he came into a bro hug.

"Take care of yourself too."

"Sure," he muttered and moved away. Standing tall as I am. I'd be lying if I didn't say Rhea's little brother has come a long way, even with a shit ton of battles and things I can not even imagine going through. Rhea would be so fucking proud of him and I do too, after all, he is another little brother to me.

"Alright, brother we're all packed up," said Jason closing the trunk of my car.

"Call me when you land," Mom commanded and wiped her teary cheeks. I hug her in consolation. "I will," I whisper.

Finally, saying all my goodbyes to my family, this town and all its memories I walk down the patio stairs and into the lawn.

I turned around one last time.

"Hey, little brother, if Rhea was here, she'd tell you to stop being a pussy and just get on one knee," I tell for which everyone laughed and waved goodbye. Getting into my car I turn on the engine and hit the road.

With the blessings from my angel, I think everything's going to be fine.

Fuck, I can't wait to see her again.

A/N - Hellooo my loves. God, has it been long getting in here again. But, here's a bonus chapter for yall. My baby Damien is making everyone proud and as he should.

- E