"Who's Nathan?"

"Uh... he was Noah's boyfriend. And a brother to me."

"What makes him so special?"

"You know I told you I didn't have many friends. No, I didn't have any friends. But Nathan was a friend and over time without me knowing I opened up to him... a lot. He gave me the love of an elder brother that I didn't get from Noah. He told me how I should be my own friend. He gave me hope and in time I knew that everything would be okay. Nathan was the first-ever person that I told about Damien. When Damien left I thought I will be alone for the rest of my life and I was sick of it but Nathan came in and... he promised that he would never leave. He told me he loved Noah so much and he would never leave him either but he did. And then I lost both my brothers."

"Did he tell you why he left?"

"Yes. Yes, he did."

"Hey, little sister I wanna talk to you. Meet me near the river?" he asked through the phone.

"Nathan, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just want to talk to you." Okay, something had to be wrong.

"Okay. I'll be there in five," I tell him, wore my shoes and walked to Noah's room.

"Noah, it's me. Open the door" I asked knocking on his door.

"What do you want?" he yelled just as he opened the door. Alright, this is nothing new.

"Are you and Nathan... okay?" I asked softly hoping that he wouldn't be pissed and yell at me again. What can I say, I am nothing but a punching bag for him.

"Why would you care? Now, get the fuck out of my face!" he snapped and slammed the door at my face. I walked out of the house to meet Nathan.

"Hey loser" I called and sat down next to Nathan at the bench near the river.

"Hey little sister," he said with a small smile but his enthusiasm was missing. Nathan would always go loud and extra but it seems like that had died out.

"we broke up"

"What! No." They can not break up. Nathan was the only person that actually made Noah happy. I know my brother hates every living breath in me but that does not mean that I hate him as well. I hate to see Noah without Nathan. I don't even know what is Noah without Nathan because they were so happy together and their happiness brought happiness to me. It is because of Noah that I have Nathan in my life. Someone I could rely on and someone I would trust more than life.

"It was complicated and um... I'm leaving."

No.

"W- what? You know you can't do that." I felt the tears flowing down my cheeks. The pain going on in my chest is indescribable. He promised he would never leave me. What am I going to do without my big brother?

"You can't just stand up and leave! I trust my life on you. You were my brother and brother's don't leave their sister!" I yelled because all I felt was anger and pain. I felt the wounds of last week reopening. The pain I felt when I didn't know what was wrong with me or what happened that night— the pain I didn't tell anyone about... not even him, I feel the pain when Damien left, I feel what was it like to go out in the world all by yourself with no one to hold on to. I could feel my whole world crashing down at my feet.

"I am not your brother! " he yelled back. How dare he?

"Why?"

"Look Rhea, I am doing this because I love you" ...

"What happened next?" Lily asked.

"What happened next showed me what true heartbreak was—" I couldn't finish my sentence as I heard the sound of glass breaking from downstairs. Me and Lily both got on our feet and walked down to see what is happening.

"A school for troubled kids? Are you fucking insane!" Damien yelled holding up a letter towards Kevin. Glass pieces shattered all over the floor and it didn't make me think twice that Damien is the one who smashed it against the wall.

"Yes! and you are going because I am sick of dealing with your shit and so is your mother"

"don't you dare speak of my mother" Damien yelled and walked up to Kevin, gripping his neck. I was going to stop him but Lily's hold in my arm stopped me. Her look told me that this is not something that I could stop.

"Kevin please—" lily spoke.

"No! Lily. You don't know what he has done. Just because he is sick, does not mean he could bring shame to my name!" Kevin yelled with gritted teeth. He pushed Damien out of his hold.

"What have I done? Care to enlighten" Damien asked.

"Are you sure you want me to speak in front of your mother and your little girlfriend here" he pointed towards me and Damien gripped Kevin's collar yanking him to the wall.

"You will keep your hands and mouth away from Rhea. If you don't you will see my true horror," Damien said in an almost whisper. "And, I don't give warnings but my mother does not deserve another dead husband."

"You got no right to threaten me, boy. I should take you to the police." Damien let him go and Kevin stood straight adjusting his suit and I could see he was trying to hide the fear from Damien's words.

"The fuck do you mean?" Damien said and gripped his hair. He does that all the time when he feels rising anger and I know at this point he should calm down. He paces back and forth fighting the urge to throw something at the wall and let out his anger and not to blackout.

"Gillian" Kevin spoke and Damien stopped in his tracks and looked straight at him. Shock and a fear I could say flashing in his eyes.

"The girl from next town. I heard about it."

"About what?" I asked because Damien's silence and the confident look on Kevin's face did not sit right with me.

"Rhea—"

"Gillian is a sixteen-year-old girl. Last year, she was abused and assaulted... sexually which made her lock up in her room due to the trauma to this day, by Damien." I didn't know what hit me most; Damiens hard gaze or the shattering words of Kevin. I felt the tears trickling as I locked my eyes with Damien's waiting for him to speak up and tell him that it's wrong. I walked away from him until my back hit the wall when he didn't refuse it. "T-tell me you didn't do it," I said softly and covered my mouth with my hand to keep in my cries.

"Rhea I—"

"Tell me you didn't do it!" I screamed at him. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it back again. No no no, please. He didn't do it. He would not. The stinging pain in my heart surged the more I felt his presence in front of me.

"Please," I tell again for him to prove what I am feeling right now and what Kevin said was not the truth. I want him to tell me that no matter how hard it is to control his emotions he would never do that to anyone. I want to hear him say that he did not sexually assault a girl. But the look on his face told me I would never hear those words so I ran. I ran out of the house getting far far away from him.

I didn't know what to do or where to go but I am standing in front of the last place that I would want to be... home.

"I'm just staying for a few days only," I tell my mother and ran up to my room. I close the door and dropped down to the floor with tears flowing down my cheeks. There were so many questions going on in my mind. Why did he not say 'no'? why didn't he stop me like always? was he feeling guilty because what Kevin said was the truth? No, it cant be. He wouldn't do that... right?

He was all so sweet and caring with me. he loved his mother so much and then How can someone who holds so much respect for these women do that? I have known him for five years and Damien with his anger could do anything. He would black out and not have any control of what he is doing but out of all reasons the boy I knew when he was fourteen would never do that or is that what I'm convincing myself as?

***

It hurts.

Lying down on your bathroom floor in a foetal position and your throat aching from throwing up because of pain, fear, disgust and hate; not hate to Damien but hate for my own self. I hate that I am still trying to defend his actions because how can I? I myself know what it feels like to be abused and sexually assaulted. I know what that poor girl is feeling. I have been there and I would hate and despise every single sick fuck who had made a woman or maybe even man go through that horrendous fear and pain but it's not that easy when that sick fuck is the person who you love most in the world. The person that you would die for. So yeah, I fucking hate myself for it.

I lean back on the toilet as I felt a gag on my throat and I throw up again, my throat aching and burning, my eyes tired and swollen and my body arid.

***

It has been three days. Three days since I ran off and locked myself in my room. Three days since I talked to anyone. Three days since I had any proper food. Three days hating myself more than I do. Three days since I saw him.

For these three fucking days I have ignored my mother's knocks and maybe Emma, ignored all the text messages and calls blasting up my phone, finished almost five packs of cigarettes, starved myself, watched the wounds in my palm heal from digging my nails into them out of anger.

My bed, my room, this town, this world and my fucking life is a downright mess. What's shittier is that I don't even want to mend and make it okay. Maybe because it's way too damaged and fucked up to be riveted. Maybe it's way out of my hand. Maybe it's a problem that has no solution.

The pain I feel right now, is... different but painful nevertheless. I guess it's because I feel a pain that was caused and ricocheted by someone else. For all the pain I have felt I found myself at the root of it but now I know being hurt by yourself is better than being hurt by someone you love dearly.

I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions this fast but these past three days there was one thing that was itching in my brain— the look Damien had when he locked his eyes with mine. That look had been imprinted in my head and it speaks of something that I don't want to hear. He had a look that says 'it's bitter but it's the truth.' How can I accept that? How can I erase that look? How can I think that he did not do it? or How can I convince myself he did?

I am trapped. Trapped in between two lines that get closer and closer. Once they collide it will take me down. So, there are only two endings to this, either they collide and crumble me up until I'm merely nothing or I keep them apart and eventually I will have to take a side— Do I accept that the love of my life ruined a girl's life? or Do I forget about it and still chase after him?

Yeah, I cant make a choice now can I?

A/N - EEYY SHORT CHAPTER.

WTF DAMIEN.

THANK YOU FOR READING! ? PLEASE

- PEACE