i have lost

so much of myself.

fingers,

toes,

whole pieces of

my soul.

my own reflection

is a shattered mirror

that i'm too scared

to look into.

what will face me

when i finally find the courage

to look into eyes

that are supposed to be mine

but

don't feel like mine.

what will i see?

will it be the shadows

of every broken

past life i've lived?

pieces and pieces

of all the mistakes i've made?

what am i

if i am not a sum of regrets.

i don't know

how to exist outside of

my own sadness.

how do i look myself in the eyes,

and tell myself that i'm strong

when really

i am a pitiful fucking mess.

mirror,

mirror,

on the wall,

please don't show me

anything at all.

-i might just break.