his cigarette smoke

thick and swirling ribbons

turns blue in the sunshine

the filter has melted

carcinogens creep their way in

sweet and disgusting

like his gaze

i dreamt we met in a casino

and made love as strangers

i spent the rest of my life

trying to find him

but never did

instead i sat with fishermen

watched fireworks explode

over the purple sea

& something about the clandestine

ring of the church bells

revived me—

you stand outside my front door now

under the porch light

like a love letter

desperate to be sliced open with a knife

we love what keeps us bleeding

you were always a midnight drive

no destination in mind

going over the speed limit

excusing our recklessness for youth

but now i see the red light

now i see the broken glass

the broken bones

the blood on the cement

now i see why my mother was screaming

on the phone for me to come home