I had arrived a little too early to class today which meant we were still waiting for our teacher to arrive.

I looked at my left: a group of students including Simon were having a conversation. And by a conversation I meant laughing their fucking kidneys out.

A boy who was sitting beside Simon had his arm wrapped around his shoulder and was practically cuddling with him. I frowned.

Simon was laughing so hard it made me ache. Did I ever make him laugh this hard?

Suddenly he turned his head and caught my eye. I quickly looked away and then regretted it. I wanted another glimpse of those brown eyes.

"Can I sit here?"

I snapped my head up, it was a boy from the Society. I nodded.

I leaned closer to him, "Hey, do you know who that new guy is?"

"Who?" he looked around, "Oh him? Joined this year I guess, and got a dorm in Hillerska," he jutted his chin out, "with the guy sitting beside him."

"Simon," I said automatically.

"Yeah, whatever," he looked at them, "I don't know his name but I'm a hundred percent sure they are fucking."

I glared at him.

He threw his arms in the air, "Right. You did not ask of my opinion."

At that moment, the teacher walked in and we stood up to greet him. On my left, both of them were still trying to hold back their giggles. I stared sourly at my feet.

I leaned back against the wall and breathed softly as Casper's kisses went from my jaw to my neck to my bare chest. We were in our dorm room and he was sitting on my outstretched legs.

God, he was so different from everything else I had ever experienced. He was so comfortable with being who he was, completely unlike Wilhelm. He was the kind of guy I dreamt of getting married to.

Keyword: dreamt

Yes, he was amazing, but whenever I was with him, something, something just didn't fit right.

"What are you thinking?" Casper asked, gently playing with my hair.

"Nothing," I said, rubbing my hand along his thighs.

"Liar."

"Ugh, really."

"Alright."

I looked into his eyes and swallowed, "Casper?"

"Hmm," he said, looked at me fondly. He liked it when I called him by his name.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

I played with his fingers, weighing my words, "Umm, what do you - uh - what are we actually?"

He intertwined his fingers in mine, a warm smile playing on his lips, "What do you want us to be?"

"I don't know really," I said honestly, "I like you but I - I don't think I would want to, like, get serious about this...and it is not because I care about what people say...I just, I just want things to stay casual."

"Well, if being casual includes making out and cuddling with you every night, I'm in," Casper said, smiling playfully.

"Oh, I'd love that," I said. I looked into his eyes, letting myself drown in those deep ocean eyes and then leaned in for a kiss.

"Is there someone else though?" he asked softly after breaking the kiss. There was a strange melancholy in his eyes.

He knew my answer.

"Erm," I hesitated, "I don't really wanna talk about it right now."

"It's alright," he said, getting off my legs and walking over to his bed.

God, I hate upsetting him, but that's what I always end up doing.