《Drawing The Line》chapter 20
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Quinn kills the engine to her car and takes off her seat-belt. She grips the steering wheel and takes a deep breath as she stares at Rachel's front door.
They haven't spoken since the night before, when Quinn stormed out after their fight. She needed time to calm down and collect herself. God knows Rachel needed to do the same.
But Quinn was here now and she needed to fix this. They needed to fix this. She knows that they won't last much longer if they keep going on like this.
She grabs the bouquet in the passenger seat and gets out of the car. Rachel had mentioned before that the white gardenia was her favorite flower. Quinn knows it might be silly and cliché to get flowers after a huge fight, but she was ready to pull out all of the stops.
She even had a speech prepared in her head. And if Rachel was willing to meet her halfway and everything went according to plan, things would end up great between them.
She knocks on the door and steps back, waiting for Rachel to answer. When Rachel doesn't appear, she knocks again.
A few moments pass and Quinn frowns. She then takes her key and unlocks the door to let herself in.
The whirling sound of a blow dryer tells her that Rachel obviously couldn't hear her knocking. Quinn pushes into the bedroom and goes to the bathroom, where the door was open.
She watches as her girlfriend continues blow drying her hair, oblivious to Quinn's presence. When Rachel's finally done and turns the device off, Quinn quietly says, "Hey."
"Ahh!" Rachel shrieks as she jumps back, clutching her chest. "Quinn! You scared me!"
"Sorry," Quinn murmurs. "I tried knocking at the door, but I guess you didn't hear me. So I let myself in if that's okay."
The woman nods, but doesn't look at Quinn directly. "Of course it's okay."
"And I got these for you," Quinn says as she awkwardly holds out the bouquet between them.
Rachel smiles softly. "Thank you, Quinn. Would you mind putting them in water for me?"
"Sure thing."
Quinn goes into the kitchen and gets the extra vase out from underneath the sink. She then fills it partially with water and delicately places the flowers inside.
She carefully sets the vase in the center of the dining room table, leaning the card she got for Rachel as well against it. She figures Rachel will read it when she has the chance. Right now, there were other things on Quinn's mind.
She returns to Rachel's room and leans against the doorway of the bathroom, watching as her beautiful girlfriend applies some makeup to her face. Quinn can tell that she's nervous. Or perhaps uncomfortable. So she may as well get the ball rolling, so to speak.
She clears her throat. "Listen, Rachel. I am so incredibly sorry about last night. I know that we were both really worked up and upset. But that's no excuse. I shouldn't have said those things to you. You know I didn't mean them."
Quinn pauses when Rachel nods her head slightly. But when the woman doesn't say anything and continues putting on her makeup, the blonde keeps going.
"I understand why you wanted me to leave. And I hate myself for making you feel that way. I love you, Rachel. Will you please forgive me?"
Rachel finally stops and turns to look at her. "What did you do after you left?" she asks timidly.
Quinn knows what she's really asking. She wants to know if Quinn really went through with her words and did something with Marley. The younger girl feels a sting knowing that Rachel even has to ask. Did she really think Quinn would do something like that?
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"I went home and locked myself in my room all night," she answers.
"By yourself?"
"Of course by myself." She approaches the woman and gently grips her by the shoulders. "Rachel, I would never do anything like that behind your back. I want you to trust me."
Rachel feels relief wash over her and tilts her head up to press their lips together for a fleeting moment. "I do trust you. And of course I forgive you."
Quinn sighs. She wants Rachel to apologize for her behavior as well. But she decides that it's probably best not to bring it up until later. She's just glad that they're at least speaking at all.
Rachel starts applying lipstick and Quinn frowns, just realizing that she's getting ready for something.
"Are you going out?" she asks.
The woman puts the cap back on and nods, unable to meet Quinn's eyes.
This confuses her even more. "Oh. Did you make plans with Kurt or something?"
She can't really be upset if Rachel was already planning to do something with her friends. It's just not ideal for Quinn right now, as she wants to spend more time together and talk this out more.
She feels anxiety building up when she sees Rachel swallow before turning to her with worried eyes.
"Quinn...please don't freak out."
She can hear her heart pounding in her ears. "Rach, you're scaring me. What's going on?"
"Finn's in town."
Rachel knows that Quinn is going to initially be upset no matter how it came out. But she's hoping that she'll at least be understanding in the end.
"Finn? As in your ex-husband?"
The betrayed look on Quinn's face is one that she's never seen before.
"Yes, we briefly spoke on the phone earlier," she explains quickly. "It's not what you think! We just agreed that it would be good for us to get together and talk through everything. Just to clear the air, you know?"
"Without telling me first? Without even asking me?"
Quinn storms back into the bedroom with her back to Rachel, feeling like she's about to have a panic attack.
"Look, you and I weren't exactly speaking. And –"
"Is that why you're doing this?" Quinn whips around suddenly. "To get back at me? To make me jealous? Because this is pretty fucked up, Rachel."
"Quinn," she says carefully. "I'll admit, I only even considered speaking with him because I was angry with you. But he made a good point. This isn't about you and me, I swear. I just want to find closure with him."
"You left him. You signed the divorce papers. Was that not enough 'closure' for you?"
The mocking tone in Quinn's voice was starting to anger Rachel once again.
"I've already said this has nothing to do with you, Quinn."
Tears spring from the girl's eyes. "I'm not letting you go with him."
"Excuse me?"
"Look at you," Quinn gestures to her attire. "It's like you're going on a fucking date. I'm not letting you go."
"I am a grown woman," Rachel seethes. "I can do whatever I want."
Quinn grabs her wrist and softens her features. "Please don't do this, Rachel. I'm begging you."
"You don't need to worry! Don't you trust me?"
"What if he convinces you to take him back?"
Rachel sighs, "Quinn..."
"What if you decide that you don't want to be with me anymore and go back to New York?"
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"You're being ridiculous."
Quinn throws her hands up. "I'm being ridiculous?"
"Yes! You are!"
Rachel's never seen her girlfriend act like this before and it was extremely unsettling. A part of her was even frightened.
"Look," Quinn suddenly takes both of her hands between her own. "If you don't go tonight, if you stay here with me instead, I promise that I'll never talk to Marley again. Okay?"
Rachel jerks her hands away in frustration. "Seriously, Quinn? You're willing to do that now?"
"Yes. I don't care. I'll do whatever it takes to keep from losing you."
"I told you that I trust you. It's your turn to trust me now."
"This isn't the same thing! This is you going out to reconnect with your ex! Did you even tell him that you're seeing somebody?"
The surprised look on the woman's face answers Quinn's question on its own. "It didn't come up when we talked. And I don't think it would be a good idea to tell him, because he might find out that it's you and –"
Quinn chuckles dryly, "Of course you didn't tell him. Rachel, why are you being so stupid?"
She feels the rage inside of her reaching its peak. "Fuck you, Quinn," she growls out.
"Well it's true!" Quinn calls out as she chases after Rachel to the living room. "You can't put your fantasy life with your New York husband in the past where it belongs. This is the real world, Rachel."
Rachel scoffs, "And what do you know about the real world? This is how it works, Quinn. This is what adults do. We talk things out and then move on, which is why I'm going to see Finn. You would understand that if you knew how relationships worked."
She really didn't want to play the age card as well as Quinn's inexperience. But she had no choice.
In the end, she knows that there's no getting through to the girl right now.
"Can you please just go? We'll talk about this later, okay?"
She marches back towards her bedroom, but is stopped when she feels a pair of arms wrap around her from behind.
"Quinn, let go of me."
"Please don't go." She squeezes tighter.
"Get off of me!"
Rachel turns around and shoves her as hard as she can, causing the girl to fall back.
As Quinn falls to the floor, she holds her right hand behind her in an effort to break her fall, but feels a sharp pain in her wrist when she lands on it at an odd angle. She lets out a strangled cry and clutches it with her other hand.
She deserved this, she thinks. She should've let go when her girlfriend requested. She doesn't know what's gotten into her for doing something insane like this.
"Quinn! Oh my god! Are you okay?" Rachel's worried voice breaks her out of her thoughts and she looks up to see the woman kneeling over her. She quickly scrambles to pick herself up off the floor.
Rachel stands as well and immediately takes her right hand for inspection. "Are you hurt? God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that, baby." The woman was on the verge of tears again.
Quinn pulls her hand away and takes a step back. "I'm fine."
She looks at Rachel, then down at herself in shame. When did they become this kind of couple?
Rachel tries to examine her hand again, but Quinn just shakes her head.
"I'm gonna go now."
"Quinn..."
"That's what you wanted, right?"
She doesn't give Rachel the chance to respond as she quickly turns around and leaves the house in spite of Rachel's protests.
Rachel takes a cab to meet Finn at some dive bar across town, which she couldn't help but roll her eyes at. Apparently it was close to the hotel he usually stayed at and would frequent this place whenever he was in town.
He had offered to pick her up, but she had declined, luckily without too much arguing. She knew Quinn would have thrown an even bigger fit if he were to suddenly show up.
Quinn.
Her heart aches at the thought of her girlfriend. She never wanted all of this to turn into the mess it was. But they can work through it. She knows they can.
She enters the run down building and looks around in search of the man she used to share a life with. It doesn't take long because he stands as soon as he sees her.
And there he was, as tall as the day she met him, and as handsome as ever. Why is it that men get better looking as they age? It just isn't fair.
"Hey! Rachel!" Finn excitedly waves her over and pulls out the stool next to him at the bar.
She scrunches her face as she sits down and grabs a napkin to carefully wipe down the bar surface in front of her.
"Hello Finn," she says dryly.
"Can I get two more beers over here?" he calls out to the bartender. He then turns to her and smiles, "I'm so glad you actually came."
"You know how impolite I find it to cancel on someone without notice."
"Yeah, right," he nods. "You look great by the way."
She smiles smugly to herself. She wanted him to see what he was missing as soon as he saw her. But she thinks she may have overdone it, if Quinn's interaction was anything to go by.
"Thank you."
"Anyway, what have you been up to? There's not really much to do around here."
She nods because that was true. In the grand scheme of things, Lima wasn't very exciting. "I've been working. I actually just got this teaching job at my old high school. Well, sort of." She didn't want to go too specific because it wasn't actually a job job.
"That's so cool. Teaching music?"
"Yes, music." Their beers finally arrive and Rachel takes a quick sip. "How's New York? Is it beginning to fall apart without me?"
Finn chuckles, "No, not yet at least. I got another promotion at work. So that's been keeping me pretty busy. Haven't really had much time for anything else."
"Congratulations."
"Thanks." He takes a swig of his beer. "I'm surprised you didn't stay in New York since you loved it there so much."
"Well after being hurt and humiliated, I needed to be somewhere that I felt safe and secure."
Finn shrinks back in his chair at her harsh tone. "Rachel, I am so –"
"Don't," she snaps. "I get it. You're sorry and you hate what you did to me. You've told me a hundred times already. I'm tired of hearing it."
He nods to himself. Fair enough. "So how's Judy anyway?" he changes the subject. "And Russell?"
She shrugs, "They're fine. Still living in that same house and still working at that same hospital. Judy was actually thrilled that I moved back."
"Well yeah, I'm sure she missed you. You went for a while without even talking to her."
She blows out a puff of air, "Yeah."
"And what about...what was her name again? Your niece?"
Rachel smiles, "Quinn."
"Yeah, Quinn. How's she been?"
"She's in college now," she can't help but beam proudly.
"What?" Finn's eyes widen. "No way. Already?"
Rachel nods. "Crazy right?"
"Yeah it is...wow. We're getting old."
"Ugh," she groans. "Don't remind me."
He smirks, "Isn't your birthday coming up? It's thirty-one this year, right?"
"Shut up, Finn."
He chuckles to himself and continues drinking his beer.
Rachel finishes the rest of hers before studying him. They seem to be getting along better than she anticipated. She wonders if he's been happy because he's made a connection with someone new similar to her and Quinn.
"Have you been seeing anyone?" she asks suddenly.
Finn shakes his head, "Not really. I've had a couple dates, but I guess I'm not ready for a relationship. Probably not for a while."
"But I'm sure you've had plenty of one night stands to get yourself by."
"Ouch," he smiles sadly.
"Sorry," she mumbles. "Too far. I know."
He shrugs, "It's whatever. I deserve it. I feel like you're actually taking it pretty easy on me. I was half expecting you to come in and chop my balls off with a meat cleaver." He laughs before becoming serious again, "Unless you're hiding one in your purse..."
Rachel rolls her eyes, "Relax. I left all of my deadly weapons at home this time."
"Oh. Cool," he smiles nervously.
"Finn, don't worry. Whatever you do now is your business. And if you're happy, then I'm happy for you."
He frowns at the sentimental statement. Why does it seem like Rachel's suddenly okay with everything between them?
It instantly clicks in his head. "Wait...are you seeing someone?"
Rachel stiffens, "I...what?"
"Are you seeing someone?" he repeats.
"No."
"No?"
"Yes?"
"Huh?"
"Yes, okay! I've been seeing someone!" she yells.
"Jesus, Rach. Calm down. I was just asking," he whispers, embarrassed at the stares they were getting.
"Sorry," she flinches. "My bad."
"Why are you so strung up about it anyway? Is this guy married or something?"
She glares at him. "No, it's not like that. Do you honestly think I'd do something like that after just getting divorced?"
He frowns, "I guess not. I don't know. You just seem really defensive about it. I'm not judging you. I have no place to judge."
Rachel nods because he definitely doesn't.
"And I know you're gonna say it's not my business anyway. So whatever."
"It's just...something different for me. It's hard to talk about."
"Alright then. Sorry."
Rachel wants to rub in Finn's face how happy she is with Quinn. But she obviously can't for a number of reasons.
"Is it turning into something serious?" Finn suddenly asks.
She thinks about it for a moment. "It is something serious."
"Wow." There's a hint of disappointment laced in his voice. "I guess as long as he treats you right and you're happy."
"I am happy." She was incredibly happy with Quinn...for the most part. Sure, they were going through a rough patch right now. But most couples do, right? She knows in her heart that they're meant to be.
"That's good." Finn chugs the rest of his beer and waves the bartender over. "You want another one?" he asks Rachel.
"Sure."
After they receive their next round, Finn turns to her and asks, "So, is everything going okay...finance wise?"
She furrows her brow, "What do you mean?"
"I mean like you've been doing okay with the alimony and stuff, right? Because if you've been struggling, you don't have to be ashamed to ask me..."
"I'm doing fine, Finn. I don't need more of your money. But thanks, I guess."
"Cool. I was just making sure."
"What's with you?"
He's caught off guard by the question. "What?"
"Why are you suddenly acting like such a nice guy? Why now?"
His mouth hangs open as he ponders what she's asking. He shrugs, "I don't know. I mean, I was such an asshole to you. Behind your back at least. And after you left, I realized I didn't wanna be that guy anymore. I know it's too late to change when it comes to you. But, like, in the future, I don't wanna hurt someone like that ever again. You didn't deserve that. You're a good person."
Rachel sighs, "You're right. I didn't. But I'm hardly a good person."
Finn shakes his head, "You really are. I mean, look, you gave me a chance to see you and talk to you even though I fucked up so badly."
Yes, she did give him that chance. But at Quinn's expense. God only knows what's going through the girl's mind right now.
She's not going to stop worrying about her girlfriend until she fixes this. And the longer she waits, the harder it's going to be.
"Finn?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm really sorry. But I have to go."
"What? Now?" He becomes confused. He thought they were actually enjoying their time together.
"Yes, now. Can you drive me to my sister's house?"
They pull onto the dark street in Finn's rental car. He ended up passing by the house twice on accident.
"So it's this one, right?"
"Yes, this one right here," Rachel points out the window.
He pulls to a stop and puts the car in park. They sit together in awkward silence for a moment. Finn is the first one to speak. "So, I guess this is it?"
She nods, "Yeah. It is."
"Can I ask you one more thing before you go?"
Rachel turns to him and nods.
"Do you hate me?"
She smiles at him with a sigh. "No. I don't hate you, Finn."
"I know what I did was pretty awful. But I just want you to know that I really did love you."
"I really loved you too. You know I did. But obviously, it wasn't meant to be. You were just one chapter of my life. And now...I have to live the rest of it and see what happens."
He smiles back at her and stares for a moment. Then finally says, "Take care of yourself, Rachel. I hope things work out for you. And if you ever need anything for whatever reason, you can ask me. I owe you that much."
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