The doctors say I'm ready to go back to school. I don't feel ready. I haven't caught up on work. I am no closer to figuring out what happened to me. I barely getting used to Damian's daily visits after basketball practise. Kate is always there checking up on me and Ash, well Ash is being Ash- his spontaneous aloof self.

But its not just that I'm not ready. Im scared. I was never scared going to school in Texas. I knew what was awaiting me, being bullying for who my dad was and my self-proclaimed 'biggest nerd' title was expected. But I don't know whats awaiting for me here. When I started at this school I was dead set on being under the radar. We all know how well that went down.... By now, everyone would have heard of the accident. I don't even want to think of the rumours spreading about me. I don't want to know- yet I do. I want to prepared before I walk into that school. Potentially the person that hurt me is in that school, but I just don't know.

Either way, I'm sitting in the passenger seat of Kate's car as i think through this. The large school doors are only on the other side of the parking lost- whoopee for me- not. "You ready?" Kate gently nudges. Well here goes nothing. I nod in response, scared of how my voice would come out. I'm so not ready.

I breathe out and step out of her car. Kate quickly comes around to my side of the door and helps me out. She already knows I don't want her to support me at school, so she quickly retracts her hand from my side and walks beside me. I can hear the whispers begin, all eyes are on me. I can't make out their words though, yet its obvious they all centre around me.

Damian pops out of nowhere and is suddenly on the other side of me. I know I shouldn't but I can't help but feel relieved that he is here. He gives me a small smile of reassurance and I feel the all to familiar rise of butterflies in my stomach. We promised to be friends, and I know that is the right thing for us. Neither of us are ready to admit we're gay and have to deal with the consequences of that just yet. We both have so many other demons we need to conquer first. I can't stop myself from feeling sad that we didn't get to give ourselves a real go. Ash asked me if I believed Damian's excuse and I do. He was genuine and it makes sense. He doesn't see his self worth. After being abandoned the way he has to fend for himself, he created this shield where he seemed like the perfect person. A person no one would leave and he would never let anyone get to close to his real self with it. But for me that shield came down and he couldn't accept that I liked the real person behind it. So instead I'll be his friend and show him that as a friend I can support him the way he needs to be. That no matter what monsters he is hiding I won't leave him. He can't risk the chance for being in a relationship in case it goes south, so I won't force him too. The next time he tries to be in one, he should be able to understand what he has to offer and that that is enough for any good man.

As for I, I never let myself trust Damian. To me he was Silver. This treasure that may not be a perfect gold bar, but still worth so much. However much he was worth to me I couldn't unveil my truth to him. It's not the I don't feel worthy of him, it's not self-confidence issues. But this insecurity of risking it all again on blind hope. I have had a plan set since my mother left me- one that promises me the future I deserve. Damian, he may say he wants to give me a good future but there are no promises. Since I came to this school, my mind hasn't been in the right head space. My grades have slipped to the lower end of A's and since I been gone, they probably have fallen much lower than that too. I can't risk my life on a chance of happiness, I need to get out of here and start fresh. Then maybe I can have a life I deserve.

You can probably tell I have had a lot of time to think by myself in that hospital room. Thoughts like these have plagued my mind, but I have to focus now. I may not find out who did this too me, my memory may not come back to me, but this incident has brought a sense of clarity to me. I have to focus on getting that scholarship- i need a fresh start. I always thought I could do it on my own and maybe that was my biggest downfall. I've learnt its okay to lean on friends for support now and then. Even thinking the word 'friend' is so unfamiliar to me. But its true I have a good group of friends: Kate, Ash, Damian and even Damian's friends Lexi, Jaxon and Alec have joined the club. We're an odd ball group but I like them- I like us.

Speak of the devil. My so called 'new' friends await us at the entrance of the school. I was so lost in thought, I didn't even realise we had crossed the parking lot and that Kate and Damian had started up some debate about which team needs more funding. Lexi jumps up to us on greeting and smiles a genuine sweet smile at me " its good to see you out of that awful hospital gown Noah" she jokes.

"Yeah, it feels good to be out of it" I agree happily to her. Whilst in hospital, her brother and her accompanied sometimes by Alec made a few visits. She showed me that underneath the bitchy stereotypical head cheerleader image there is a genuine sweet person. Who may not be shipping me and Damian like crazy hard. I'm just waiting on her to finally pick a ship name. Before you know it, it will be plastered on t-shirts and badges everywhere. You can see why she kind of hates the whole "lets be friends instead" thing Damian and I decided on. But even if Lexi can't see it, I get it. It's necessary for us. I don't want Damian out of my life I just don't think I can the risk of him when he's my boyfriend (though technically we never even made it that far).

"I can imagine man. You still look rough, but I'm just glad to see you up on your feet again" Jaxon carelessly adds. I can see Kate glaring at him from the corner of my eye at his unintentional insult my way. But with Jaxon I know he means well, even if he isn't the sharpest of knives in the drawer.

"Thanks man, I'm glad too. I just can't wait for the docs to give me the go ahead on running again. I didn't realise how much i'd miss the sport until I had to stop it."

" I hear you, I could never imagine a time where I'd stop playing ball. I'd have to be in a full body cast... owww" It's Lexi this time that nudges Jaxon. She too seems to be getting annoyed with his frank nature. If anything I'm glad of it, he's the only person being completely honest with me, since he's not scared of insulting me. Even Ash lately seems to be walking on eggshells around me and I always counted on him to be upfront with me.

It's then that I notice Alec has been standing there patiently waiting on his turn to greet me. He's the silent type which I quite like. He's cute too. It strange, I didn't realise I was gay until now, but since I have I can't stop notching guys. "Hey Alec" I say softly. For some odd reason, he's the only person here I feel a little uncomfortable with. Maybe it's his more reserved self or his less audacious behaviour but around him I just feel a little small.

"Hey Noah, how are you?" He replies equally softly. His tone is laced with genuine concern and my heart melts just a little. I laugh just to brake the strange tension between us.

"It's funny, I got out of hospital yesterday and I assumed everyone would be asking that question.Yet you're the first. But for the record I feel pretty good except for the part I have to be back at school." I notice all the guilty faces around the circle as realisation dawns on them.

"You're in some of my AP classes although your a year younger than me. If you need any help catching up with the work you missed I'm always here." He offers politely.

"You're going to regret that you said that. Because I seriously need help catching up." I half- heartedly joke.

"Yeah, sure. Maybe lunch time or if we have the same study hall I can show you my notes and run over class work with you, if you want."

"Oh my God that would be perfect. You are a literal lifesaver. Thank you." I practically exclaim. Alec chuckles slightly at my strange outburst and I can feel my cheeks inflame with colour.

"The bells about to go, we better start heading in Noah" Damian says rather callously as he begins to push me away from the rest of the group.

"What's with you? We didn't even get to say goodbye and there's still five minutes before we have to head to homeroom."

"Well, maybe I don't appreciate you flirting with my friends" He responds back coldly, walking away from me.

I call after him. " I wasn't flirting" but was I? How would I know, the only relationship I have ever had was with Damian and that ended before it even started. So could I have been flirting?

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