《Petals | Severus Snape》14 | One Step Closer
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You were sitting in bed, feet dangling from the bed and arms around yourself, facing the big window with a smile on your face. You watched as the sun rise, replacing the beauty of the moon with glimmering sunlight, splattering majestic colours across the morning skies, feeling comforted, despite the growing sorrow in your chest.
There was so much more to be discovered in life, and to think that you almost wanted to sacrifice your life for love was making you shudder, and you would never dare to repeat the same mistake again, not after your dreadful conversation with Severus last night.
Your smile widen upon seeing your snowy owl landed on the table next to your bed, staring at you with his big eyes, as if understanding the pain that you were going through. You wanted to pretend like you were not wrecked to take the potion, but your soul was wretched, knowing that in another few minutes, your love for Severus would leave your heart, and never to come back again, wilted along with the poisonous petals.
"He wants me to forget him."
You started, talking to your owl, hoping that he could understand how torn you were to drink the potion, but then again, Severus asked you to, and you did not want to disappoint him and hurt yourself even further.
"Perhaps it's better not to love him."
You added, persuading yourself as tears flooded your eyes. When he walked away last night, your heart was shattered, feeling so alone and isolated, and you knew you had to drink the potion to heal your broken heart. If he could not save you, then you had to save yourself, not giving up your life to the cruel disease.
"At least he knows that I love him."
Severus had to know that he was loved, and you hoped he could see it after what you told him last night. Your love for him was true, and even if you could turn back time, you never wanted to change anything, loving every second in your life that you had, loving him with all of your heart.
"Not everyone deserves a happy ending."
A tear rolled down upon your face, but you quickly wiped it away once you noticed Madam Pomfrey walked over to you, smiling sadly as she must have heard your devastating words. She patted your back softly, trying to give you comfort that you needed.
"Maybe you are destined to have a happy ending with someone else, Y/N."
Madam Pomfrey said, and you nodded weakly, swallowing her words that sent hope fluttering in your chest, burying the petals as your sadness was slowly vanishing. You were no longer a person who was defeated and heartbroken, you wanted to live, and you would live happily without thinking about your unrequited love once you drink the potion.
"The potion is ready, Y/N."
As soon as those words rolled out of Madam Pomfrey's tongue, your heart raced, thumping rapidly against your chest. Doubts were swimming in your mind, but you knew this was bound to happen, as your love was too strong for him, and you were not the one he wanted to love. If he could not save you, then the potion would, and you nodded at the older witch as she went to take the potion.
You loved Severus, with all of your heart, but now it was time for you to let him go, and you were ready to do so.
Smiling softly, you shut your eyes and tried to remember all your good memories with him, for the last time, before all would be sweep away from your head, leaving an invisible hole in your life, forgetting your first love, your true love, the greatest love of all.
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Perhaps in another life, he would find it in your heart to love you, and you would always be waiting for him.
Something was tugging on his heartstrings, nerves wrecked his soul that he was not going to make it, and his steps felt so much heavier as his heart raced at the thought, but he kept going, wishing that he would get to tell you how much he loved you. He needed you to know that he loved you.
You loved him too early, and Severus loved you too late.
His breath hitched when he saw Albus and Minerva were already there, thinking that the only reason they would be there was to make sure you drink the potion, wanting you to heal as soon as possible. They noticed him, and they gave him a smile which he did not return as he barely acknowledged his colleagues, walking pass through them towards you.
"Severus!"
He ignored Minerva's call when he rushed towards you, who was with Madam Pomfrey, and his heart was struck as he saw the potion in her hand. Could you possibly has taken it, after what he said to you last night?
"Y/N, I'm here."
He said, pulling you into his arms, holding you into his chest tightly as if he was afraid you would vanish into the thin air, leaving him alone with his darkest thoughts. It felt like his heart could explode from how happy he was to be holding you, finally admitting that you had a home in his heart, that has never been occupied by anyone else, not even his past love.
"Professor?"
Tears welled up in his eyes as you spoke softly, as if you were unsure what to say, stiffening in his arms. Severus could hear the breaking of his heart when he pulled away, looking you in the eyes, and he could no longer see your undying love for him that used to be sparkling in your pair of beautiful eyes. It was gone, and he knew he was too late.
"She took the potion, Severus. She's fine now. Don't you worry."
Minerva's words only confirmed his fear, and his shoulders slumped, losing his usual composure as he held back his tears. Everyone noticed how distraught he was, and he breathed sharply when you put your hand on his arm, flickering a plethora of indescribable feelings in his chest.
"I'm alright, Professor. Why are you sad?"
He gazed at you, and suddenly he knew it was meant to happen this way. The sight of you coughing up venomous petals was still fresh on his mind, the way your eyes were swimming in tears of dejection was running through his head, and now as you were safe and healthy, Severus was happy.
"I'm happy to have you back, Miss L/N."
He managed to get the words out, smiling softly at you, before wrapping his strong arms around you again, and this time, his heart was at ease. You were surprised with his gesture, but you hugged him back, a smile found its way on your face when there was a warm feeling wrapped around your heart.
"I'm not going anywhere, Professor."
You winked at him, a chuckle left your lips, and Severus just realised how glad he was to have you back, even when you were no longer in love with him. He had you with him there, safe and sound, and that was the most important thing for him.
Severus loved you, he really did, and as he watched Fred and George hugged you happily, knowing that you were fine now, he could only smile, his broken heart was slowly mending by itself as the only thing he needed was for you to be happy. You deserved to be happy, after all you have been through, Severus vowed to himself that nothing could take your smile off your face as long as he was breathing.
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"Are you alright, Severus?"
Dumbledore came standing next to the younger professor, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Severus glanced at the headmaster and he nodded, realising that the old wizard must had known everything about your love for Severus, and now he also knew about Severus' feelings for you.
"Not everyone deserves a happy ending, but Y/N deserves all happiness in the world."
Severus said, a smile was painted on his face, surprising the headmaster with how calm he was, even if his heart was ripped out of his chest upon realising that your love was forgotten. Albus eyed him carefully, and he recognised his smile, it was genuine and honest, Severus was truly content for you.
"Perhaps in another life she would find it in her heart to love me."
The Potions Master added, upon seeing the frown on Dumbledore's face. His words only baffled him more, realising that Severus loved you so much, that he would do anything to keep you happy, including loving you in silence, just the way you did before.
"In another life, Severus?"
"Yes, and I would always be waiting for her."
If you were willing to wait for him in another life, then he would do the same for you, waiting for the day that he could finally love you. But before the day came, Severus held on to his promise, that he would always be there by your side, no matter how tough life was to you. He made it, he was always there with you, for all your life.
Many years gone by since Severus accepted the truth that you did not love him anymore, and he lived his life like usual, being there during almost all important events in your life. Severus was proud to be by your side, even if he was not the one in your heart, he knew your heart was once his home, and that was enough.
Now as he leaned back against his chair, old age was consuming him, a soft smile was adorned on his face, staring at your chair, the one that he still kept just for you whenever you came to visit him. His heart never changed, and he swore that it never would, for more lives to come.
His dark eyes landed on the picture frames on his table, and his smile widen. The first picture was the one that you had taken before, your first gift for him. He would treasure it forever as it was one of many things that made him realise how in love he was with you.
Then his gaze moved towards a picture from your graduation day. He could still remember it like it was yesterday, when you threw yourself into his arms, crying your eyes out, as you were sad to leave Hogwarts. Severus had to spend almost an hour trying to comfort you, and you could only smile when he suggested to take a picture together with him. It made a chuckle erupted in his chest as the silly memories passed through his mind.
It humoured him to think that you were so dejected to leave school, and yet a few months after that, you came to see him with the biggest smile on your face, saying that you finally got your dream job. Severus' mind might be old and rusty now, but he could never forget how happy you were on that particular day when you got your job.
Warmth filled his eyes when he saw another picture with you, the one that was taken during the biggest day in your life. Your wedding day. You were so alluring in your white dress, looking like an angel, and your enchanting smile would forever be etched in his mind. You looked the happiest you have ever been, and Severus was glad to see your smile.
Severus might not be the person you were walking to down the aisle, but he was the one who walked you down the aisle, since your father had passed away a few years before. He could still remember your nervous smile as you held on his arm, and he assured you that he was right by your side, and everything was going to be alright. As he walked you down the aisle, his heart was battling against a thousand of feelings, he was happy and sad at the same time, but upon seeing your smile, he knew he was happy for you.
His heart was swarmed with joy as his eyes landed on a picture of him and a little boy, which resembled you in a way that he could not even begin to describe. Severus never really liked children, but since the first time he saw your son, he was smitten with him. His heart melted seeing how much your child represented you, he was extremely kind and sweet, and it was not possible for Severus to despise the boy.
Severus missed him dearly, now that he saw the picture, he realised it has been quite some time since he last saw the boy. Your son was no longer the little boy in the picture, as many years had passed by, he grew up brilliantly, and Severus could see a bright future ahead for him.
"Thank you Y/N."
He whispered, feeling more tired than usual, smiling at your pictures. He loved you so much, and you taught him so many things about love that he had never known before. He did not have to own you to love you, and he did not have to feel loved back to be the one who loved. You taught him those things, with the way you used to love him silently, caring for him in a way that no one has ever done before.
He used to be angry at himself when he loved Lily, he failed to leave her in his past, and he hated to see her being happy with somebody else, feeling like it was supposed to be him who was with her. But with you, he learned the true meaning of love, and that he was happy as long as you were happy. Life was not unfair to him, as he got to always be there with you, throughout your journey in life. It was a warm feeling that was beyond words, and Severus loved you for giving him a chance to feel it.
Grabbing his quill, Severus started to write a letter for you, feeling himself slowly slipping away, and his life was fulfilled, being able to love someone who was so special in his heart, finding a home in your heart. He was ready to leave, one step closer to have his happy ending with you, as he waited for you to come in another life.
People came from all over places to for his funeral, paying their respects and showing their love towards the professor. Perhaps he was known as a cold hearted teacher, but many students actually respected him, and you could see it as they came to visit him for the last time, bidding him their last farewell. You waited until everyone had left, and when it was just you alone, you let feelings took over your heart.
"Goodbye, Professor. I love you."
You whispered softly, putting flowers on Severus' grave, tears pooled in your eyes as you said you loved him. Those words were not unusual to you, as you always said you loved him casually whenever you come to see him, but there was something in your heart, feeling as if there was an emptiness whenever you said those lovely words.
Now when Severus was gone from this world, the hole in your heart was gone too, and you could say those words without having an odd feeling crawled over your chest anymore. It was strange, but you never found the reason behind it, and nobody has ever told you what really happened to you. No one has ever told you that you were in love with Severus before.
Reaching out to your pocket, you took out his letter for you. Your heart was heavy as you were adoring his beautiful handwriting covered the entire page. Holding it close to your chest, you took a deep breath before starting to read his every word, again and again, feeling it so deep within your heart and soul. You could not help yourself as tears streamed down upon your cheeks, and your body trembled as you read his letter, wishing that you would see him again in another life, your Severus Snape.
Dear Y/N,
If you are reading this, I must be gone from this world. I hope you are doing well with your beloved family. Please do not mourn me, as I would hate to see tears in your eyes. Thank you for everything, Y/N. You have shared the magic of your life with me without you even realising it, and for that, I will be eternally grateful.
You make me see how precious life is, and you make me realise how important it is to appreciate my memories, instead of living in my past. You brighten up my future by being a part of it, the best part of my life. Every time I see your smile, I found another reason for me to live, and you have been the only reason I finally found my happiness. The day you walked into my life was the greatest day in my whole life, and I'm glad that I do not have to see you walk away from me, as I have to be the one who is saying goodbye to you. I'm sorry for not being there for you after this, but I know you will be alright. You're stronger than you think you are.
I used to think my life was unfair, but it all changed when I have you with me. Your beauty takes my breath every time, and it comes within the bottom of your heart, showing the purity of your soul. Your kindness astonished me, as how could a person be so kind and gentle to a cold and broken man like me, but you treated me like I'm a man who deserved to be loved. You make me see that I'm worthy of love.
Thank you for loving me, Y/N. I know you might feel confused reading this, but you did love me before, when I was too blind to see it and I was too stubborn to let go of my past. Your love saved me, pulling me away from my darkness, and healing my broken heart even if you are no longer in love with me. You once told me that if I cannot be the person who is loved, then I'll be the person who loved. Hence, this is what I'm doing to show my love for you.
You are a gift to me, and I will always be thinking of you, while I'm waiting for you in another life. I didn't get to say this before, afraid if I might ruin your happiness, but I want you to know that I love you. I love you so much, my Y/N.
I love you forever. Perhaps I didn't get to love you properly in this life, but I promise to have you as mine in another life, and I vow to always love you with all of my heart.
Farewell, little witch. I love you so much.
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