Lachlan storms out of his own room, closing the door softly. I wipe the tears from my face and bury the pain deep inside me, hiding it along with all the other agony I still endure.

"Would you like some tea? It was for Lachlan and I but it seems we'll have to talk later," she says, holding out a tray of tea. "I'm sorry about him, truly."

"It's me who should be sorry, isn't it?" I ask numbly, my arms limp at my side.

"No, it ought to be him, not us. He just has such a temper sometimes," she says, setting the tea tray down on the coffee table in front of the fire.

"But I remember when he didn't. I remember when he was a gentle, kind, loving young man who would have done anything to make me happy," I say, starting to choke up. "It was only a few days ago to me. How did I lose him so fast? How could he hate me after everything?" I can't even look at the painting. Lily sighs, gently sitting on the dusty couch next to the coffee table.

"He is a very easy man to lose," she mumbles, picking up a cup of tea. He wasn't though, I want to say."I suppose we both understand that about him."

"Do I deserve this?" I ask. "I know I ruined lives but...am I truly a monster? Did I do the wrong thing?"

"Hardly," she says so dismissively that it comforts me. "He would have done the same thing, any decent person would. I think the fact that he knew you did the right thing hurt worse. He knew the right thing to do was for you to leave him."

"Do you love him?" I finally blurt out, unable to resist myself. I have to know. Maybe the answer won't make a difference but I still have to know. She takes a deep breath and a small smile makes its way onto her lips.

"I do," she admits. "Truly I do. He's brought me so much comfort and stability over the years that I can't stop loving him. He's an amazing man and so much of me belongs to him, but I'm afraid that doesn't matter now."

"What do you mean?"

"Lachlan loved me when we were young, truly he did. But our relationship has always been...off. Even when we were young we didn't talk much. When I was sad he would dry my tears and I'd do the same for him when he needed it. When we were lonely we gave each other company. When we needed to be held we had each other. We were a support mechanism for each other while we both coped and mourned, which was nice...but it wasn't a true relationship. It was almost more like a trade deal in therapy form."

"And what now?" I ask. She sighs, looking into her teacup as if it has the answers.

"Now? Now we both have healed. There's nothing left for us in our relationship. The wounds have turned to scars that will never go away. No amount of support from Lachlan or I will change that. We have nothing left." She swallows, blinking quickly a few times to get rid of the tears in her eyes. "That's actually what I came here to say to him in the first place. I wanted to tell him that I think we'd both be better and happier separate. Besides, with you here now maybe he'll get the one he always really wanted."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, he's still stuck as a boy. So much of him died when you left and now he's just carrying it around like dead weight. I imagine it's gotten a lot heavier since your return. What I'm saying is he never got over you. Despite everything, I know him well and I know he still wanted you. That's what caused the real fights. On occasion, he would..."

"He would what?" I ask.

"He would say your name in a moment of...passion," she says awkwardly. I grab the other teacup.

"Oh."

"Yes, I know. It didn't take long for me to realize he would always love you more than he could ever love me. At least I wanted to love Lachlan, even if I was still mourning. Either way, it doesn't matter now. I'm ending things in hopes of finding independence and eventual happiness...I pray he finds the same."

"That's honorable," I admit and she looks at me intensely.

"Rowan, look at me. He loves you, I know he does. You still love him, don't deny it. He's changed on the outside but in his heart, he's still got a soft spot for you. Don't give him up for any reason unless he makes you unhappy. Give him some time, be patient. He'll come back to you," she says softly. "You haven't lost him."

I look at the contrast between the two paintings. I whisper, "I think I have." Do I even want to have the man that Lachlan has become?

Lily takes my hand, shaking her head. "Mark my words, not that much has changed."

"I still look seventeen and how old is he? Something like thirty two. I know I'm twenty nine but most people don't think that way. They're going to look at a fifteen year age gap and squirm," I protest.

"So let them," she says. "Can you imagine what kind of rumors were spread about me? Can you imagine what Rainbow said about me behind my back?"

"I rather be called a slut than a demon," I scoff.

"Do most people really see a difference?" She chuckles and I realize she's right. "A demon and a slut seem to be treated the same. I'm a slut for getting involved with Lachlan and you're a demon for not choosing Lachlan over the human race. And now you're a slut for trying to get back with Lachlan cause you're too young." She shrugs with a chuckle. "Everyone's gonna have something to say, so I say bik it!"

"Thank you," I say sincerely and I find that a smile has made its way onto my face. She gives me a sad smile, squeezing my hand.

"Just remember, we're both going to be happy with or without Lachlan one day," she assures me. "He could just be the cherry on top...for you at least."

***

I wake up and look around but the room is pitch black. I was so tired last night that I forgot to light the fireplace, only lighting a small candle on my nightstand that has now burnt out. I feel for the taper handle and my hand comes across the metal base, almost knocking it off the stand. I open the drawer and find the two small pieces of rock: flint and steel. Flint. He's dead. I can't think of that now. I clash the two rocks together next to the candle and it doesn't catch light the first two tries. I burn myself but I'm able to light the candle on the third try.

I stand, walking to the door in my crisp white nightdress and the chilly air surrounds me. The shadows from the candle make eery shadows against the stone walls as I enter the hallway. I walk in a direction and I try to deny the fact that I know where I'm heading, Lachlan's room. I convince myself that I'm just taking a walk or going to the kitchen to get a cup of water, but my feet and heart take me in another direction. I reach Lachlan's chamber and I stop, suddenly feeling insecure. On top of the way our last conversation went, I'm wearing an unflattering dress, I'm barefoot and I washed my hair last night without brushing it afterward. It must be in tangles and knots right now. I hold my candle with the left hand, poising my hand to knock on his door and just as I go to knock I hear voices coming from inside, stopping before my knuckles make contact with his door. For a second I think it's Lily and him having a 'proper goodbye' and I feel numb. I like Lily and all but I don't want to hear that. Until I realize it's a males voice. A familiar males voice. Ash's voice.

"What are you really trying to say?" Lachlan asks and he sounds impatient.

"It's not that I don't love her, or like who she is. It's just that...she's weird. This whole situation is just weird. Believe me, I'm happy it's just...strange," Ash says. What is he talking about? What are they talking about at this time of night?

"Let me ask you again. What are you saying?" Lachlan sounds even more impatient.

"I'm saying-" Ash sputters like he's trying to find the words. "Fix her!"

"What?" Lachlan asks and he just sounds mad now.

"I love my sister, don't get me wrong, it's just not the same now. You have a way with her, you can convince her of things," Ash insists. Are they talking about me?

"I had a way with her. I hardly even know who she is now. Besides, Rowan hates my guts now," Lachlan says and he almost sounds remorseful. Maybe I shouldn't be listening in on their private conversation, but if it's about me...

"I don't believe that's true, I saw you two alone in here together earlier today. She still feels tenderness for you. She remembers you as that boy you once were. Be tender back and-"

"For what, Ash?" Lachlan says, finally raising his voice. "You're telling me to fix her? What about her needs fixing so badly to you?"

"She isn't what I expected."

"She isn't what you expected?" Lachlan scoffs.

"I know how it sounds but I promise it makes sense. I didn't expect her to be so young, yet I don't want to be old, it would be too weird. It's all just too strange. Just help her act...more comfortable, more normal-

"Normal?"

"Listen, I know how it sounds but-"

"No, listen here Ash," Lachlan says sternly. "She's not something to be fixed. She isn't a toy that was made for your use. If she doesn't suit you then bik off cause you don't deserve her. She doesn't need fixing, she's Rowan. She's not meant to be fixed. She's perf-" He stops himself, then just repeats himself. "She's not meant to be fixed."

"I know but-"

"Get out!" Lachlan says in a low voice. It's so threatening I would rather him yell. I hear Ash's voice say something else but I don't stick around to listen. I've heard enough. I clutch my candle tightly with both hands and walk back to my room as fast as I can, my breath becoming shallow. I don't blame Ash, truly I don't. I can't. He's done nothing I can't understand. What I'm really flustered about is Lachlan, the way he behaved in that situation.

Lachlan cared. Maybe I'm being a silly teenage girl, doting over a grown man that I will never have, making things up to convince myself I have a chance but...I don't think I am. Lachlan cared and he defended me, I'm sure of that. And I could have sworn that he almost called me perfect. I wish he had said it. I don't know if I'm capable of loving the person Lachlan has become but if he loves me then that's enough for me. That means Lachlan hasn't changed an unbearable amount, and Lily swears he's hardly changed at all. I open my door and set my candle back down on the nightstand, crawling into bed. I sigh.

Can I forgive him? Maybe I wasn't even mad in the first place, just hurt. Does he deserve my forgiveness? I used to think he deserved the world. Despite everything, I still can't seem to blame him for anything he's done. I have the right to be angry but I can't say he did anything out of the ordinary or irrational. He has the right to be angry and hurt from what I did. Still, he called me perfect. Maybe Lily was right.

I want her to be right.