《Rowan: The EcoPan》The Risk Of Eden
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I give Lark the strength to stand and start walking out of the Center. I can hear her thoughts.
Rowan?
Yes, Lark?
Am I imagining this? How could Rowan be in my head? Is this another delusion made by Elena? The woman who put all those horrible thoughts in my head the woman who-
Yes, Elena did many horrible things, I tell Lark patiently. But this is real. I'm the Ecopan.
But how? She asks me. She is starting to believe me. I explain the whole story to her over again and I can feel her sorrow when she realizes I will never be a tangible human again, but I also feel her immense joy when she realizes we will never be apart again.
I'll never leave you Lark. We'll always be together. Always.
~~~~~~~~~~
With deep, consuming, agony I realize what Rowan said. I love you.
"I love you too," I cry. I wait for Rowan to open her eyes. Shine that brilliant smile that I adore so much at me for the last time. The pain is miserable knowing that it will be the last time. It only takes me a few seconds to realize that she isn't opening her eyes. She's gone. I fall to my knees hitting the coffin repeatedly with my fists. My knuckles split and blood is left smeared on the top of the coffin. I don't care. My heart is broken. Physical pain makes no difference in that. I don't stop hitting it.
Suddenly I'm struck with an idea. If it fails I will not mind. How could things get worse than this? Something from inside me, not my brain, but my DNA itself tells me to be cautious. I feel like if I were to just turn around Rowan would be there! She feels so close, haunting me but just out of my reach. Or maybe I'm just out of her reach. I can't tell who's chasing who any more.
This feeling isn't threatening, but instinctual. It feels like my instincts themselves are shifting and telling me how to stay alive, telling me to do what's right. Somehow I don't mind it. I ignore the strange feeling and proceed with my plan. Tears streaming down my face I turn around and hit the button that says, "Delete:Permanent" The button that Rowan hit before deciding to leave me forever. Why does everyone I love leave?
As soon as I hit the button I feel electricity running through my veins and I'm flying backwards. My thoughts become hazy as I lose consciousness.
Suddenly I wake to a bright light and I feel a warm embrace. I open my eyes and at first it's fuzzy, and I'm disoriented but my eyes focus on her.
"Rowan?" I ask choking back tears. Her hair is eloquently draped over her shoulders and her face seems to glow with life. Her cheeks are more pink, her lips more red, her skin less pale. Or maybe thats just the way I see her in my mind knowing this may be the last time she will hold me. She wears a long flowing white dress. She looks like a goddess.
Don't make me blush, She says-or maybe I say it. It feels like it's coming from within me from within my DNA. That's when it hits me. It is within my DNA! That shift I felt, like my instincts were completely changed, wasn't a side effect of grief. It was her latching onto me. Latching onto my DNA itself!
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Very clever of you, Lachlan. Here I was thinking you could never understand it. I latched onto your DNA because it was the only part of you I could reach, Rowan sighs sadly. I thought I'd never feel more than a hint of you again...but here you are! You managed to find the only way on earth to reach me! This is the only way you could have made your brain vulnerable enough for me to truly reach you. Her smile beams. She looks so truly proud of me. I can't help but smile back.
"Come back with me." I beg caressing her perfect face. She looks at me sadly.
Oh, Lachlan, I can't. I guess you don't understand after all. I have a duty to the earth for th-
"What about your duty to me?" I cry. I'm getting much to flustered, too quickly. But I don't hear what she has to say. All I hear is her telling me we will always be apart.
Oh, Lachlan, you will never be apart from me. I will always be in your DNA. Always watching from the first children's eyes. Lachlan, I will never leave you. I will be with you for all of your life. It is me who will be without you. I will control this earth for thousands upon thousands of years, and in seventy years from now when you die I will live on with your memory.
"Can't you come back somehow?" I ask painfully.
No, it's impossible.
"You're a bikking super computer! How can you not come back? You control the world!" I take Rowan's face in my hands looking for a way to convince her. I used to be so good at explaining things to her, making her listen to reason. But now she's the one with the information. I'm the one who doesn't understand. Rowan laughs.
I'm flattered that you think so! But I'm a computer Lachlan, not god. I flinch at those words.
"You are not a computer, Rowan! You are Rowan! You-"
I'm gone, Lachlan, She says harshly. You will one day except that.
"Is there no way in the world you could be with me again? There's no way you can be human?" I ask my throat closing up. I can feel her grip on me slipping.
No, I do not think so but...there are some options...She drifts off.
"What?" I ask hastily, jumping at the chance to have her in my arms again.
If I destroy the Ecopan- destroy myself. It may not be too late for my human form to live on but-
"Yes! Yes, do that!" I say excitedly.
But it will kill everyone with lenses...and even if I kill them it may be too late to save myself. I might be dead. My brain activity is transferred to the Ecopan...Lachlan it's just too risky, I'm sorry.
I swallow thinking hard. My heart breaks. This is truly the end. It's too late. "Is there no other way?"
Well...you see, Lachlan...you hit my delete switch...the ball is in your court...you could kill me....
"I would never."
Maybe not...but what's the alternative? She asks rationally. Leave me be, Lachlan. Let me do my duty's as the Ecopan...you will soon be happy without me.
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I pretend I didn't hear her. "Is there any other way?"
Maybe...but again it's risky.
"Tell me." She sucks in a breath. I almost want to chuckle. She's a machine! She feels nothing. If she were to stop breathing she wouldn't feel it.
You don't have lenses. Even though you are at a very vulnerable mental state, a state where I can speak to you, and see you, it's taking every last piece of my ability as a computer to cling to your DNA like this. I can feel you slipping. I have a job to do I cannot cling to you forever, nor do I want to, it would do no good. If I revive you and you cling to me...you may be able to revive me with you...you may be able to awaken me.
"What's the worst that could happen?" I ask gaining hope.
If you are unsuccessful my conscious will die and so will the Ecopan. All first children will die, and so will the human race eventually.
Her words hang heavy in the air.
It's hard having so much control isn't it? She whispers to me. Things grow slightly blurry. I strain to hear her and see her clearly. You must make a decision Lachlan. You're slipping from me.
"Do you think we can do it?" I ask her.
I think if there's any two people in the world who can do it it's you and me. But you have to understand that I might not be Rowan when I wake. I might be a machine, I might be Yarrow, I might be myself, just split into two parts. Rowan and the Ecopan. My conscious split into two...
"I understand the risks my love," I say looking at the plain white abyss.
Are you willing to take them?
I take a second to let the question roll around my brain. Finally I say, "I don't know."
You better figure it out soon, She reminds me. She's right. I can feel her slipping more and more by the second.
"I need more options! I need more time," I say desperately.
I wish I could give it to you...Lachlan, if this is not successful and the Ecopan lives on...I want you to know I will never stop trying to reach you again.
I take in her words like they are the last that I will ever hear. I feel that sweet, familiar feeling of being in love. I accept her promise to me like it is a caress.
"Ok. I'm ready. I want to bring you back. I want to take you with me."
Are you sure?
"Yes. I'm ready. Do it now," I say praying to earth that this will work...the stakes are so high. I feel Rowan cling to me tighter physically, then scientifically. Her presence clings to my DNA so tightly we are one being. I gasp at the amazing, warm feeling of her. We've never been so close!
For a moment I don't want it to stop. I want to sit here soaking in her presence for the rest of my life but then I feel her, or me, at this point there is no difference, reminding me that if I don't focus on the task at hand everyone will die...literally. I push my wonderful ecstasy out of my mind and focus on keeping us as one being. If we separate she will be lost.
Suddenly, to my despondency the electricity leaves my body and it is just me again. I stare at the stone ceiling for a moment...I'm too afraid that if I look in the coffin she will be still and lifeless. Suddenly I hear a bang and screams. I look in the coffin and Rowan is alive! But in pain. The little wires burrowed into her skin are struggling to get out. They tug and pull and glow blue beneath her skin.
"Rowan!" I call. She screams in response. She frantically tugs at the wires that hold her. After what feels like several minutes of screaming and tugging the wires, glowing blue at the tips, they finally retreat back to the corner of the marble box. Rowan's eyes roll into the back of her head. The clear sheet between us retreats and I scoop her up into my arms in a hurry to rescue her from the wires.
I lay her down on the stone floor and feel her pulse. It's faint and uneven, but there. Blood mixed with some kind of blue jell trickles out of the places the wires came from. I look back at the wires. They're intertwining and locking into each other. They make a ball a little bit larger than my fist. A blue glow erupts from the middle of the ball, and Rowan starts to gasp for breath. The clear membrane slides over the coffin again, protecting the glowing sphere.
"You're awake!" I gasp. Rowan's eyes lock on the blue sphere. Her eyes fill with tears.
"Lachlan," She says. She lays on the floor so frail and useless but her voice is resolute.
"Rowan," I say lifting her top half to hold her. She winces as my fingers touch her small wounds. I press my forehead to hers and hold her. I part from her and look into her eyes. She stares back, wide eyed. I push her hair out of her face tenderly. I notice my breathing is coming fast and tears still trickle down my cheeks. "Are you back? Did we succeed? Do I have you back?" I'm so afraid of the answer! Rowan grins weakly.
"Yeah, I think you do."
~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel Rowan leave me...right after she said she never would. Tears fill my eyes.
"Rowan?" I whisper. I can still feel her presence but not as strongly as before. Is this what she meant? Did she mean she would always haunt me, just out of reach? I breath in painfully.
You said you would never leave me.
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