WHAT A STRANGE BEING YOU ARE

GOD KNOWS WHERE I WOULD BE IF YOU HADN'T FOUND ME

sick of losing soulmates,

In all honesty, maybe you should have expected this. Gojo certainly did. But, not even you would be so pessimistic about your chances in a battle that you would have prepared for being flung back into Masamichi-sensei's prized garden, over five miles away from you originally were.

The fact that your ungraceful exit from battle had been cushioned by petunias and geraniums would be comforting except you were knocked out cold by the impact. The loss of consciousness was brought about from straining your muscles and pushing yourself to the limit. You did not know what it was to have "boundaries", or recognise the outline of who you were.

The best way to describe you is like a forest fire. You charge ahead, in any direction so long as you're moving. But the destruction you leave behind, in the forms of littered, burnt leaves and hollow tree branches, will soon catch up. And then, you burn yourself out in the best-case scenario. Fear clings to you like a dress, and then falls, trailing you as you walk further and further away from the person you think you are becoming.

And... to top it all off, you have a killer headache and your insides feel like jelly.

The last thing you remember is trying out an attack outlined in your mother's diary. Something about... mind blocks? Whatever it was, you clearly couldn't grasp it back then and you certainly can't remember right now.

The sunlight leaves you feeling even more disorientated―the gleam of white is a blur that impeaches the rest of the colours. It's a honey-yellow, blue, some white and then... black?

Panda's face looms over yours, "Morning! Or afternoon... whichever one."

Your eyes widen a little, and then, slowly your sight sharpens. Things becomes a little clearer. The grey thing in the corner of your vision was Mai, bandages visible beneath her uniform. The brown 'sea' above you was the make-shift medical area. And the navy, unmoving blob was... you squint... Kasumi, fast asleep on a chair.

"Oh god, Panda..." You murmur, hand flying up to your forehead, nursing the headache with a scowl. "What happened? I can't remember shit."

Panda taps his chin, "There was a loose Cursed Spirit, something that wasn't part of the Exchange Event. Gojo-sensei dealt with the intruders but we don't know if they were exorcised."

You groan, struggling to sit up without losing your breath, "The curse? That Mother Nature one? Did they kill it? I... I got knocked out so early..."

"Well, I hope I did!" You turn slowly, so not to get a crick, and Gojo-sensei stands above you, hands in his pocket, grinning from ear to ear. "And I knew you would do this! Don't worry, Shoko-chan prepared all the necessary stuff after I told her!"

You frown, tugging at Gojo's trousers in frustration, "You knew this was going to happen?! Sensei! I made myself look like a fool!"

"Ah," Gojo clicks his tongue and wags his finger, "You did injure the spirit. Think of it like this. You're a rusty violin! You just need some fine-tuning and you'll be the best."

You remain unfazed, it's always like this.

But some violins can't be fixed. Or they were made to be like that. Besides, aren't you the best?

"Besides!" Gojo kneels, pulling out his phone, "If you didn't take part, then I wouldn't have got this video of you snoring in your sleep! And Yuuji-kun did come around to see you but he didn't want to wake you up."

Now he's caught your attention, "As soon as I can walk without wheezing, I'm going to snap your phone in half! And where is everyone? Everyone's okay... right?"

Gojo relents his grin for a relaxed expression, "I'll tell you, but only if you promise you won't give up after today!"

You purse your lips with a scowl, "Fine, I promise."

But promises can be broken.

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"When did you start getting along with that gorilla?" Nobara asks non-chalantly. A very "Nobara" question made even more funnier by the fact you were pretty sure she was referring to Aoi.

The room is quiet except for the occasional sound of nature from the window and the noises that come with eating. You and Fushiguro were sitting upright in twin beds, Nobara and Itadori at the sides, having pulled up stools to come closer.

Everyone has a slice of pizza in their hand. Since you could only stomach one and Fushiguro was such a slow eater, Nobara and Itadori seized their chance to have the rest. But you were okay with that. They deserve it. They did way more than you could possibly accomplish.

Itadori has a soft bandage on his cheek and you swear the scars beneath his eyes were larger now, or maybe your vision was still wavering like a drunk skipping along the street. "Well, we got along, but like..." Itadori shrugs, mulling over his words, "I remember what happened but I wasn't exactly myself then..."

You figured that Itadori and Todou would get along swimmingly so you arch an eyebrow, "What, were you drunk?"

"You believe I could've been drinking in that situation?" Itadori stifles a laugh, "I'm shocked!" His dramatic expression shifts and he bears a smile at you and Fushiguro.

"But I'm glad you two weren't seriously hurt. You can eat pizza now, at least," He takes a bite from his pizza, savouring the taste.

Fushiguro grumbles, "Come on, bring me something easier to digest."

Nobara munches through her bite, unfazed, "No complaining."

He sighs, "Apparently, I got off easier because my cursed energy was all dried up. Ieiri-san was still able to fix me up as soon as the roots were removed."

"Oooh and I think she had to do something like that for me as well. Gojo-sensei had her prepare beforehand in case I was injured," You add on.

"Huh, so that's a thing that can happen?" Itadori mumbles. "You guys are strong, you know. That's why you're here, still fighting. Not everyone can make it through and not give up."

His words make you pause in your thoughts. Something stirs within you. You want to call it hope but it might be false. Nothing in this world lasts long enough to turn into something meaningful.

"Hey! Don't move the conversation forward without me, you know! I'm strong, too!" Nobara has her chin resting on her palm, being her usual hot-headed self.

You grin, "Of course, Nobara. You're the strongest out of us all."

Nobara juts her thumb out with a grin, "We're gonna destroy the others in baseball tomorrow."

Her words drain the life out of your face, "Huh?! But I don't know how to play baseball!"

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There's some time before the game starts.

Not a lot. Maybe ten minutes. But your nerves feel like an exploding supernova, something frazzled and electric, threatening to overwhelm you. You're back at the balcony from before; it's a miracle that the area around it hasn't been too badly damaged. In your hand is your phone and about fifty Google searches over how to become a baseball god in less than a day, the best strategies and the million different tips and rules and did you know that Babe Ruth kept a lettuce leaf under his cap when he played?

"Don't tell me you're revising for a game of baseball!"

You don't need to turn to know who it is. You know Itadori's voice like the back of your hand. It's the voice you love, because you hear it when you need it the most, and having it in the back of your head to dispel all the terrible thoughts with his laugh and smile is like walking on clouds―it's the best feeling in the world.

"You look a lot better," You smile weakly, noticing how his skin has touched up with it's usual pink, the way the glitter in his eyes makes him feel more alive. "Did you sleep last night?"

He chuckles, walking over, "Like a baby."

Itadori swings his legs over the balcony balustrade, scooting closer to you, "But, you didn't sleep at all, did you?"

"Huh," You sarcastically grin, "I wonder how you could tell."

He gently pats his lap, "Why don't you rest? Please don't push yourself like this."

You purse your lips, "Itadori, we're on a balcony!"

His eyes hold something serious in them, but something amazingly beautiful too, "I won't let you fall."

And that's enough to convince you.

Resting on his lap heightens the feelings you already have. It feels like a Gordian knot; impossible to tangle or understand. Every time you think you're getting closer to opening your lips and whispering the words from your heart, you can feel your courage being pushed back by the nauseating anxiety, the different futures all playing out in your head at once like a cinema that only shows the bad memories and endings.

You don't want to ruin what you have with him just because of this. If you ruined it, you would never be able to forgive yourself. You would have lost him the moment you opened your lips and told him I like you.

Sukuna grimaces, it is fun to care about other people? Even when it could destroy you?

Shut up. Shut up. Shut. Up.

"Itadori?" Your voice is barely a whisper, threatening to be lost in the wind, "Can I run my fingers through your hair?"

He nods gently with a smile, enjoying the peace that comes with you. He had closed his eyes at night, drawn a shallow breath under the moonlight and dreamt of this moment―dreamt of you in his arms because your hair tickles his cheeks in a good way and you always have this cute sneeze during spring.

And the sky is that beautiful, pretty pink. Pink like his hair on Saturday mornings, fresh out of the shower. Pink like someone's lips after a long kiss, the tint of rose he likes because it creeps up your cheeks whenever he catches you eyeing him out of the corner of your eye.

"Let's stay here until the game starts," He whispers.

The two of you do―still like a candid photo, an unmoved stare, perfect peace.

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Your baseball uniform is a little itchy but perhaps it's because you're still wearing your bandages underneath it. You should be in the medical room, berated by Ieiri-san for thinking you're somewhat invincible but then again, even Noritoshi was taking part in the game, despite the fact that his head is half-covered with white bandages that make him look like a poor mummy prop from a Scooby Doo episode.

Under the glare of the beating sun, you make a mental reminder to ask him about what happened, or at least tell him all the mummy jokes you had saved up.

"[F/n]! No daydreaming!" Gojo yells, standing behind Itadori as the referee.

Without his blindfold and his dark uniform, you would have thought him to be a hippie straight out of Woodstock. His hair is much lighter in the sun, almost blonde. It tantalises the sunshine, soft and yet straw-like. As for what he was wearing... most definitely a shirt and pair of trousers that could cost more than your house.

His words practically hit from where you're standing and you flinch, suddenly flung back to reality. It then dawns on you that you've been idle for the last five minutes, having absolutely no clue as to what was going on.

Toge is a dozen or so feet away from you. He turns, bright eyes glinting underneath the light, lifting the arm with the brown glove in it and waving it a little.

Rather stupidly, the first thing that comes to your mind is: Does he need his cough syrup?

Maybe you're an open book because Toge shakes his head and he looks like he laughed, "Bonito flakes. Tuna fish."

You nod to give him the impression you understood him (it's been almost three months and you're not even close), and fix your eyes back at where the action was happening.

Maki looks so serious in her uniform but you think the colour white suits her more than she thinks. Her cap hides her hair, curtly tied up into a ponytail, but her expression is one of complete determination and confidence.

You watch her play with the ball in her hands, almost sly, as if she doesn't want to give away the tricks up her sleeve and then―the ball shoots in a straight line through the air.

Noritoshi doesn't even try, although, you saw his lips moving earlier so you attribute that win for your team to his conversation with Itadori.

"Strike!" Gojo punches the air, "Batter out!" You can hear the delight in his English.

"Kamo!" Mai retorts, "You won't get a hit if you don't swing!"

You look over at the scoreboard to see a big zero besides 'Kyoto Jujutsu High'. It oddly reassures you and you feel like you can breathe a sigh of relief.

Next, it's Mai's turn.

You were not looking forward to this. Maybe it was because the last time you had seen her properly, she had almost killed you. Hm, maybe that was the reason why you almost pissed yourself when she took up the baseball bat.

Mai's eyes grow darker when they settle on you. She has a mischievous expression, something not quite deadly but not quite good. Perhaps she is dwelling on her last interaction with you. Honestly, you wish you were back under the tree with her and Nobara―at least back then, she was asleep and couldn't fire off her pistol like it was the Wild West.

"[L/n]! Catch this one for me!" She yells, "Only if you can!"

Mai steadies herself, grip around the bat tightening, and then, she lifts and swings.

A lot of things went through your mind in that moment, a train of thoughts that looked to be shot straight through your skull like a bullet. Calling it fear would be the understatement of the century. You wouldn't be nervous at all were it not for the fact that Mai wanted you to catch it, and well, since your role is to catch it, you kind of have to.

However, you do have a slight advantage.

Due to the lack of players, Gojo allowed at least one member from each team to use their jujutsu energy. And for some, totally random reason (and not Gojo-sensei being Gojo-sensei), it was you. In fact, it was actually terrifying how everyone had unanimously decided, without even receiving your input, that it was you who was going to use their jujutsu.

Because having your Cursed Technique could totally help in a baseball match!

Mai's shot is not even in your direction, but you had expected that from how she adjusted her shoulder, moments prior. Her aim suggested a tight area to your left, so before she had even hit the ball, you knew where it would go. Perhaps that article on the history of Babe Ruth was useful.

You know that's the area that Fushiguro was meant to be guarding but everyone had stiffened when Mai spoke at you. It was like a battle declaration. In the same way that people leave alone the imperfections that don't cause harm, they ignore the fights that are not intended for them.

So, the best way to get the ball would be not to run over, because you might open a stitch or trip on an untied shoelace, but instead use a reflective attack to send the ball into your palms.

The moment that ball flies into the air, you hold up your arm and right over your wide-spread palm, in the angle of the ball, a circular swirl hovers in the sky, driven tight and controlled like the eye of a storm. The dark blue makes it stick out like a sore thumb but you had angled it just right, and the surface made even Mai assume that the ball would just go straight through; her cockiness was so apparent that she was strolling to first base.

As soon as you hear the ball flick off the mirror, you dive forwards to catch it in your palms, stirring up the dust on the earth. Grey piles up, smoke billowing and you cough a little, no longer satisfied, especially since you slid on your stomach.

You hear some cheers in the background; slowly you start to get to your feet, met with the forest behind the tall fence, which you were a few feet from.

"Yosh! I knew you could do it, [L/n]!" "Well done, [F/n]!" "Goddammit, where did she learn how to do that?!" "Told you to stop being cocky, Mai!"

The words distance themselves from your mind. You lift your head, sighing, eyes briefly locking with the damp, humid mirage of green, a blur of leaves and branches that twist and bend across the air, tangling up everything.

You blink and then, her voice, quiet and whispery, an echo that was locked in a seashell, seeps through. Well done, my sunshine. I'm so proud of you.

In the darkness of the forest, where the fire inside your soul threatens to burn, killing you and her, Mother's eyes peek out and fix on you.

One moment they're there, and the next, when Nobara helps you to your feet, they're gone.

When it's Nobara's turn to go up, you watch her don a navy cap and the metal bat seems weirdly perfect for her. Perhaps a great weapon if the situation was different.

"They call me the Mah-kun of Tohoku," Nobara exercises her shoulder, to which you snort out loud, "No, they fucking don't!"

"Don't ruin my confidence, [F/n]!" Nobara whines.

Fushiguro seems even more confused, as if Nobara's words went right over his head, "But, Mah-kun is the Mah-kun of Tohoku."

"Mah-kun's a pitcher, you know!" Itadori laughs, cupping his mouth with his hand as he shouts back.

"Bonito flakes," Toge says idly next to you.

You stifle a laugh at Nobara's expression, which starts out fine but it turns out that holding back a laugh when you have very slight, ever so mild, a tiny, tiny bit of internal bleeding, leaves you wheezing like a broken toy.

Thankfully, it stops soon and a more disturbing sound attracts everyone's attention―the sound of metal rumbling.

Someone had put a Mechmaru pitcher machine right where you figured Mai would be standing, and Nobara looks like someone had just stabbed her.

"Hold up a minute!" She roars, throwing her cap down and walking over.

Panda shakes his head, "Oh no... Kugisaki's snapped!"

"That's just a pitching machine!" You frown, hurrying over incase Nobara decides to charge the mound.

Still, despite the very real threat of Nobara threatening to 'lose her shit', the pitcher machine remained there, thanks to Mai, who, you assumed, was probably just mad that you had caught her swing.

Nobara still manages to get to on base, even if she was growling more than Panda. You knew that you'd probably have to console her later on about the issue, but you enjoy her company. Because, she stops the loneliness that overwhelms your heart sometimes. When you doubt yourself the most, she's always there. Even when you fear about wearing your heart on your sleeve, she'd give you hers in a cardigan and shut up every single bad thought with what you've permanently dubbed as the voice.

The only person who is close enough to saving the team from failure is Maki, who drops her bat after 3 runs with a smug grin, which was deserved since she was the backbone of the team. However, Momo had caught her shot rather easily, prompting an outroar from everyone.

Then again, you used your jujutsu so Gojo had to calm the team down, something that was done quite easily when Maki sent the baseball flying straight into Todou's cheek, almost knocking him over.

Other than your catch, that was probably the highlight of your day. Well, that and hippie Gojo.

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The afternoon sun lazily drifts across the sky as you watch from inside. Glaucous clouds gleam with a certain leisure when you look more and more at them, holding yourself in this tsunami of fractured awareness.