After I got dressed, Grace left, leaving me alone to deal with the anxiety and anticipation of when Jeremy was going to get here and what the absolute fuck I was gonna say to him. I was sitting on the kitchen counter, facing the window, worrying about this when I saw Ryder coming down to his kitchen. Just to recap, it's been almost an hour since we broke up. It's ripping me to shreds inside but I can't let him know, at least not right now. I saw Ryder walk into his kitchen, with his eyes red and puffy, his hair very messy, he looked like he had a cold with the center of his nose a little red. I was sitting on the counter top, rocking my legs while I waited for Jeremy and my legs stopped moving when I locked eyes with him.

He looked devastated. He looked like he just lost a part of himself. We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other before I felt myself start tearing up again. It wasn't too long before a tear rolled down my cheek which I quickly wiped away, trying not to let him see but he saw, and a sad frown made its way to his face before he shook his head and lifted his finger, moving it left and right, signaling no. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion before he mouthed 'no crying.' and blew me a kiss which I instantly caught and pressed to my chest. Oh my god, I'm ripping myself to shreds by not talking to him right now.

Just then my doorbell rang, oh great. Just as I was beginning to second guess my decision, my doorbell rings. I glanced at my door before looking back to find him gone. Disappeared. I didn't imagine that. Right? I let out a deep breath before going and answering the door. "Hey." he said as he stood on my porch. "Hey, come on in." I faked a smile, letting him in. I walked over to the couch and sat down with him sitting next to me. I turned to face him and crossed my legs. "I'm sorry for calling you over here again I just um-" I said, struggling to find the right words. I mean, can I really trust him? Should I even though Ryder doesn't? "Ryder and I. We um- we broke up." I said, making his eyes which were looking around my living room snap up to meet mine. He spoke, "Oh um- I-I wasn't aware. I'm sorry." he said as he looked at me sympathetically.

It just didn't seem as sincere as it should have, I guess. "He didn't want to um- break up with me." I said, my throat going dry and my choking the words out. It was extremely hard to say out loud. "But he had to. He saw you in the morning and he thought that uh- we can't be together if we don't um- if we don't trust the same people. You and Charles." I spoke softly. See that's another thing, with Jeremy I don't know how to talk because we never really talked until a few months ago. "Do you want my help with anything? I know you want him back, I mean you're in love with each other just- I don't know how I can help?" he shrugged before sitting cross-legged facing me. "I'm sorry I forgot to get you water." I suddenly realized I never gave him water when he stepped in.

He refused but I still got up and got him a glass even though I know I really did it because I was hoping to see Ryder in his kitchen again. "Here." I said as I walked back and handed it to him after seeing an empty kitchen in Ryder's house. He was drinking his water when I sat down next to him and blurted it out because there was no other way for me to tell him.

"I need you to go out with me." I said, making him instantly choke on his water.

"You- you what?" he asked as he cleared his throat and looked at me in shock.

"Let me explain." I paused. "He broke up with me even though he didn't want to and I think that maybe if I can make him jealous, he can come back to me because there is no way he won't. I can't be without him. And the reason I'm asking you is because one, he hates you so he'll get jealous faster, no offence and two, because you know how it feels to get your heartbroken and as for what you get out of this, Bella might come back to you." I said in a quick breath.

"None taken but isn't there a chance that I just come out of this with a broken nose and or maybe bruises everywhere?" he asked me suspiciously.

"That's true, there is a chance but don't you think Bella is worth it since you love her? I mean I thought you did and I completely understand if you don't want to do this and if you don't agree to it but, I just wanted to let you know that the offer's on the table for now." I explained.

He took a minute to think, which killed me with anticipation before he finally sighed and told me his answer. "Let's do it. How about we start tomorrow? I can come over and we can just hangout, watch movies and get to know each other a little better?" he offered, making me breathe out a sigh of relief. "Yeah, sure. What time?" I asked as he got up, me getting up too. "How about noon?" he questioned.

"Yeah, that sounds good." I offered him a small smile.

"Great, it's a date." he paused, "Well, I have to go, I have to get to work but um- see you tomorrow." he smiled before walking over to my door, me following him.

"Bye." he said, pulling me in for a hug.

"Bye." I smiled as he walked out and into his car, then driving off.

Well, now that he's gone. I don't have anything to do. Normally, I would call Ryder. Or go over but since neither can happen, I don't know what the shit to do. Well, there is something I've been meaning to do. I need to filter my books and just get rid of the ones I didn't like or don't want to read again. So I got comfortable in a t-shirt and some shorts before taking my minimal makeup off and tossing my hair up in a bun. Starting with shelf number one. "Don't want. Didn't like. Won't read ever again. Didn't like. Won't read ever again. Don't want." I talked to myself as I grabbed a pile out of the first shelf and put it on the floor while I sat down on the floor too, going through them one by one. "Ooh, this was a nice one." I noticed as I pick up a book and put it by itself, creating a new pile for books I want to keep. "No. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. No. Absolutely not." as you can tell, I talk to myself a lot. Sorry not sorry. But guilty.

I was reading the first few pages of a book that I couldn't remember even buying when a photo fell out of it. It was a strip from a photo booth that was up at the annual carnival where Ryder and I went just the two of us after Daniel and Harper had a fight, ruining our movie night as a group and me and Ryder decided to ditch and have fun. The last photo has us kissing. I was reminiscing our memories when I heard the sound of glass breaking and looked out of my window to see Ryder walking at the edge of his roof, with an empty bottle of vodka shattered out on the floor below us.

He was laughing and then he started crying.

Drunk Ryder is a pain in the ass, just for the record, he's a clingy drunk and a mean drunk.

And if I don't go grab him right now, he'll fall. "Shit." I cursed.