《Without You | Sesshomaru》Chapter 33
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As per usual, Lyra couldn't remember when she had fallen asleep. All she could recall was being upset with Sesshomaru because of his teasing. Waking up, she began to stir. She could feel something warm but hard under her as she nuzzled her face into it. Then it suddenly moved and she felt an arm wrap around her but it was still so cosy.
Out of curiosity she peaked her eyes open to see Sesshomaru's bare chest in front of her. She turned her head to look up and noticed that she was laying on his cut off arm. But then she became surprised.
'Sesshomaru's sleeping?'
Now that she knew he was sleeping, she noticed the gentle rise and fall of his chest and his calm breathing. Since the day she met him, she had never seen him sleep. It was a rare sight. Plus he would always be gone before she woke up. She decided she was going to make the most of that precious moment.
With a smile, she closed her eyes again and snuggled into him. Her movement made him hold her closer around her shoulders as he tangled his legs with hers. He had only left his hakama pants on but the rest of him was bare. Not that Lyra minded at all. She didn't plan to sleep again. She wanted make the most of the opportunity.
'I guess even demons need sleep every now and then.'
She wondered what could have made him so tired. Perhaps it was the Band of Seven. There were so many questions to ask him later on. She shook those thoughts out of her mind. The last thing she wanted was to stress herself out. She had to enjoy the moment. She moved her arm to wrap it around his torso before placing a kiss on his chest.
His scent was helping to calm the feeling of the nausea so she planned to stay like that for as long as possible. She could feel his hair at her fingers and began to play with it subconsciously. Everything about that moment was simply perfect.
Quite some time went by and Sesshomaru was still fast asleep. His hold around her was still firm as she tried to scooch up to look at him properly. Somehow, she managed to do it without disturbing him. She leaned up on her elbow and looked down at his sleeping face. His arm stayed around her waist as she gently held his face, stroking her thumb over his cheek. He seemed so peaceful and so perfect. It made her wonder what their baby would be like. Would their child have his hair and her eyes? Or perhaps vice versa? Would they be stoic like their father or chatty like their mother? No matter what they were like, she knew they would be perfect just like him.
"I cannot sleep with you watching me."
Lyra gasped quietly as her eyes widened. Sesshomaru opened his eyes to look at her but she quickly ducked down and hid her face in the crook of his neck. He rubbed her back over her clothing and closed his eyes again as he turned onto his back.
"I'm sorry for waking you," she mumbled.
Her lips brushed against his skin, causing a shiver to run down his spine. "It's fine," he sighed as he ran his fingers through her hair.
"I've never seen you sleep before. It was an odd sight to see."
"It has been years since I last slept," he told her. "Holding you last night was comforting."
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Lyra smiled softly. "I'm glad. Do you wish to get up?"
"What I wish for is to stay here with you for as long as I am able."
"I won't argue with that."
Sesshomaru stayed holding onto her, enjoying the fact he was with her again. The past few days had been a nuisance to him. He knew Lyra would want to know what had happened but for the time being, he didn't want to speak of it. And she knew that as well. They had to make the most of every moment they got hold of.
After a few minutes, Lyra began to place soft kisses against his neck and jaw. He had been doing so much for her and the least she could do was give him some extra special treatment. And Sesshomaru wasn't going to complain. It was exactly what he needed.
***
The water of the bath was perfect. And what made the moment even more perfect for Lyra was the fact that Sesshomaru was with her. They both sat in the water together after having made love in the morning. He held her to him, her back pressed to his chest as she leaned her head on his shoulder.
"How do you feel, my beloved?" Sesshomaru asked before placing a gentle kiss on the side of her neck. "Are you receiving any symptoms?"
Lyra sighed out softly. "Just a little sickness and a loss of appetite."
That concerned him. "When did you last eat?"
"About early evening yesterday. Just after sunset." She could literally feel his frown behind her at her confession.
"Do you have any cravings?"
She shook her head. "I wish I did."
"You must eat, Lyra. I will ask the chef to prepare some dishes for you and you can choose whatever you desire."
"Okay."
Lyra would have refused since she didn't want to bother the chef. But she knew Sesshomaru wouldn't listen. His main priority was her and the baby. And Lyra could feel herself weakening since the baby was taking all the nutrients from her.
"Sesshomaru?"
"Hmm?" he hummed against her neck before brushing his lips across to her shoulder.
She breathed out a pleasured sigh before speaking again. "How many children do you want?"
"Four," he answered instantly.
Lyra laughed quietly. "Four children? Poor me," she joked.
He kissed her shoulder. "Three boys and a girl."
"Wow. You've really thought this through, huh?" Then a slightly nervous feeling set in. "But...what if I'm unable to give you that..?"
He lifted his head and took hold of her hand. "No matter how many children we have and no matter what they are, I will love them all the same. If they are a part of you, they will undoubtedly be perfect."
(*calls feudal era* Yes, I would like to order a Sesshomaru please.)
Lyra blushed deeply at his words and tilted her head to kiss under his jaw. "They will be a part of us," she whispered in response.
He looked down at her and lost himself in her eyes. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers which she responded to by closing her eyes and kissing him back. The kiss was short and sweet and once they parted, Lyra lay back against him again as they stayed in the bath.
"So? What happened while you were away?" Lyra asked him, unable to hold back her curiosity.
Sesshomaru let out a sigh. "Naraku has become stronger. He was hiding within Mount Hakurei, as you foretold. If it wasn't for that Shapeshifter, I would have reached him before he could complete his rebirth," he explained. "My Tokijin is unable to slay him in a direct hit."
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"Curse that Shapeshifter and that Naraku for sending him," she spoke quietly.
"Also, Kikyo is dead."
Lyra remembered Kikyo as the priestess that Kagome was the reincarnation of. She had heard that she had returned but she didn't know much else about the woman.
"Alongside you, Kikyo was Naraku's biggest threat," Sesshomaru continued. "It is fortunate that Naraku still believes your absence will bring about his own demise. He cannot harm you."
She nodded once. "I will remain careful."
"And what did you get up to in my absence?"
"Well, not much honestly," she admitted. "I spoke to all the guards and servants so I could get to know them."
Sesshomaru wasn't pleased at her admission. He didn't want that the servants to become to friendly in case they should forget their place. If Lyra could have it her way, she would be best friends with everyone. However, Sesshomaru knew that she loved speaking so it was one way for her to do just that. Also she wasn't keen on servants and maids in the first place. He would let it slide for her sake.
"I see," he said in a low tone.
"Sabu and Josei took great care of me as well."
"Were you able to take Taiyo out for a ride?" he asked.
She shook her head. "I was too scared. I've never ridden a horse before so you need to teach me."
"Very well." He nipped her neck gently. "I will teach you this evening."
After a little while longer, they decided to get out of the bath. Once they were dried off and dressed, they returned to their bedroom. Lyra was wearing another kimono that Sesshomaru had given her because she knew he liked to see her in more traditional clothing. He didn't mind her wearing her own clothes, in fact he insisted that she wear whatever she was comfortable in. But she wanted to wear the kimonos for him. And they were starting to grow on her.
Sesshomaru informed Sabu to tell the chef to prepare a variety of dishes including both sweet and savoury. They sat in the garden, Sesshomaru leaning against the wall while Lyra sat in between his legs as they waited for the food.
Suddenly, Lyra felt that same pang in her heart that she had received a few days ago. She sat up and placed her hand on her chest as her heart began to race. Sesshomaru sat up behind her with concern.
"What's wrong, Lyra?" he asked.
Her brows furrowed slightly as her eyes took her to another world. The future. She could see Kanda but he looked forlorn as he stood in front of her father's house. Then she was returned to the garden with Sesshomaru. She turned to him with a frown on her face.
"Something's wrong... I just don't know what," she whispered as tears filled her eyes. "I had this same sensation a few days ago but I couldn't see anything. However, just now I saw Kanda outside my father's house." She suddenly became panicked as her tears fell. "I think there's something wrong, Sesshomaru. Something's happening and I have to go back."
Sesshomaru hushed her as he wiped away her tears. "I shall take you there now."
He stood and lifted her up with him. After quickly informing the other maid, he took Lyra over his shoulder and left the castle.
***
Arriving in the future, Lyra noticed that no one was at the Higurashi household which only worried her more. Sesshomaru jumped up into the air and flew towards Renji's home.
Once he landed, he placed Lyra onto her feet and they found Kanda already standing at the door. It was the exact scene from Lyra's vision.
"Kanda?" she called quietly.
He quickly turned, his eyes widening as he saw the two of them standing there. "Ly-Lyra..!" he gasped. "You're here."
He tried to put on a smile but failed miserably. He had been preparing for that moment but now that it had arrived, his mind went blank.
Lyra walked towards him, Sesshomaru following closely behind. "Kanda, what's going on? I've had this strange feeling in my heart recently and it's led me here."
Kanda couldn't keep eye contact with her. "I honestly wish you returned sooner..."
"What do you mean..?" she asked cautiously. "Where's dad?"
He breathed out a sigh and looked her directly in the eye. "Your father...has passed away."
Lyra felt as though her entire world came crashing down in that instant and her vision turned black. As she fainted, Sesshomaru caught her swiftly as both he and Kanda grew worried.
"Lyra!" Sesshomaru shouted.
"Quickly. Bring her inside," Kanda said.
He opened the door and led Sesshomaru up to Lyra's old bedroom. After placing her down, Sesshomaru watched as Kanda got to work on checking her vitals as he stood back. He pressed his fingers to her pulse point on her wrist and looked at his watch. After a few seconds, he let go.
Kanda breathed out a sigh of relief. "She's in shock but physically she's okay. Her pulse is slightly irregular though due to weakness."
Sesshomaru sat beside her on the bed and held her hand. "She is to become a mother," he informed.
"Oh. Congratulations." Kanda smiled sadly as he looked at Lyra. "That would explain the weakness. It's a shame Mr Miyazaki won't be able to meet his grandchild. But I know he would have been happy."
"How did he die?"
"His heart was extremely weak. Unfortunately, it failed him." Kanda then remembered the initial reason he had visited the house. "I will return shortly."
He left the room and went to Renji's bedroom. He found the note on the bed just like he had mentioned but he didn't read it. It was meant for Lyra. It had taken him a few days to retrieve the note since he had become busy informing Renji's family and friends. When Mama found out, she booked a cab and arrived with Grandpa and Sota. It was Mama's wish that they wait at least a few days before beginning funeral preparations so that it could give Lyra time to return and see the body. Plus, it was her right.
Holding onto the note, he lowered himself onto his knees. Lyra was not only physically weak but she was pregnant too. He just hoped that it wouldn't affect her so greatly.
Back in Lyra's room, Sesshomaru still awaited for her to regain consciousness. She wasn't able to eat anything before they left which only served to weaken her further. His concern grew for her health and the baby's.
Thankfully, she slowly came to. She whined quietly as she felt a dull pain in her head. Slowly opening her eyes, she saw that she was in her old room. Sesshomaru watched her silently so she could wake up at her own pace. She blinked slowly as she tried to remember what was going on. 'Your father...has passed away.'
She suddenly sat up in a panic and tried to jump off the bed. Sesshomaru quickly grabbed hold of her to keep her down but she tried to struggle away from him as tears poured down her cheeks.
"Let me go, Sesshomaru! He needs me!" she yelled at him through her sobbing.
Kanda heard the commotion and rushed over but stopped at the doorway. Sesshomaru was trying to control her and he didn't want to make matters worse. He was keeping hold of her around her waist as she tried to nudge and punch him to get him to let go.
"Please, Sesshomaru!" she cried. "He's all alone! I need to be there! I need to be with him!"
"Calm yourself, Lyra," Sesshomaru spoke as he gripped her.
She shook her head. "No! Why are you doing this!? Let go of me!"
"LYRA!"
Sesshomaru's voice boomed across the room as he grabbed her shoulder and forced her to face him. It even made Kanda jump as Lyra fell silent. She looked at him with her eyes slightly wide. They had become bloodshot from the frantic crying and her hair was a mess. Sesshomaru's expression softened as he witnessed the distraught on Lyra's face. She began to cry again but quietly as she dropped her head onto his mokomoko.
"I wasn't here for him..." she whispered through now quiet sobs. "I wasn't here..."
Sesshomaru held her to him and rested his chin on top of her head whilst he allowed Lyra to mourn properly. Seeing her in that state, Kanda himself had been reduced to tears. Renji had told him before he died that Lyra would feel guilty and her reaction said it all. He felt sorry for her. She had been through so much in such a short amount of time.
Kanda stepped away from to leave them alone. He made his way downstairs and lost himself in the memories that were displayed though the pictures in the living room.
***
Lyra stared at the wall blankly as she leant against the headboard. Her tears had all dried up since she had cried everything out. Sesshomaru sat in silence beside her. It wasn't like he could go anywhere even if he wanted to because she was gripping onto his hand for dear life.
Kanda soon returned and entered the room. His appearance pulled Lyra out of her trance, making her look at him.
He smiled but it disappeared as quickly as it came. "How do you feel?" he asked as he stood to the side of the bed.
"Like the worst daughter in the world," she replied. Her voice had become a little coarse from all the crying.
"You shouldn't. It was Mr Miyazaki's sole wish to see you happy. It would have hurt him to see you this way."
Lyra lowered her head as she absentmindedly played with Sesshomaru's fingers. "But I wasn't here for him."
"Lyra," Sesshomaru spoke. "If you knew of his condition, you never would have returned with me."
"He's right," Kanda added. "That's why Mr Miyazaki didn't want to tell you. He didn't want to be a burden on you. That's why he desperately tried to form the pact. He wanted you to be settled before he passed away." He looked at hers and Sesshomaru's hands joined together and smiled. "And you have settled."
Lyra looked up at Sesshomaru before turning to Kanda. They both made fair points but she still couldn't hold back the guilt.
"Your father gave me his final words," Kanda told her. "He said for you not to cry and not to feel guilty because he can at least be with your mother again. And the last words he spoke were that he loves you."
Lyra gulped down the knot that had formed in her throat. She felt as though she was about to cry again but she forced herself to keep it in.
"And this is for you."
Kanda handed her the note that Renji had left for her. She took it and opened it up.
'My beautiful Lyra,
If you are reading this, then I am no longer alive. I'm sorry that I'm unable to say what I have to say in person. But I am not due long for this world.
Please forgive me for all the pain and hardship I have put you through. I had failed you as a father for my own selfish reasons but I finally saw how wrong I was. Please forgive this foolish man you call dad. Also, forgive me for not telling you my condition. My heart had been slowly failing me over the past few years. I had secretly been going to hospital appointments and visiting private consultants whilst telling you that I was going out with my friends. Understand that I didn't want to burden you. All I ever want is for you to be happy.
Speaking of which, I wish both you and Sesshomaru a lifetime of happiness. And have plenty of children. I regret that I won't have the joy of being called "grandpa". But despite that, you, Sesshomaru and all my future grandchildren have my blessings.
I have one final request. Cremate my body and pour my ashes into the river outside Nagamachi village in the feudal era so that I may rejoin your mother in the afterlife.
So goodbye. Don't cry and smile.
I love you.
Dad x'
Lyra had finished reading the note. Even though she tried not to cry, the tears had fallen involuntarily. She sniffed and cried quietly as she clutched the note to her chest. Kanda couldn't bear to see her so upset and quickly left the room again. After he left, Sesshomaru pulled Lyra into his lap and cradled her until she cried herself to sleep.
***
The next day, Kanda had taken Lyra to see the body. It was extremely hard but she was able to say her goodbyes before the body was sent off for cremation.
Lyra spent some time with her aunt and family. Lyra comforted her aunt as much as Mama comforted her in return. It was a great loss for both of them. Since Lyra was technically still dead in that world, she didn't want to draw too much attention to herself so they stayed in a private room. Especially with the way Sesshomaru was dressed, it was hard not to draw attention. At least she was just in a simple kimono.
Kanda soon joined them and Lyra went to talk to him.
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