You couldn't stop crying. And it didn't make sense. You couldn't really pinpoint why you felt the way you did, on a normal day you were a regular ray of sunshine, always with a kind word or encouragement for your teammates, quick to whip up someone's favorite cookie or make an impromptu Starbucks run. But today, today you were the one out of sorts. You were the one who needed someone, anyone, to just notice that you hadn't shown your face today. To notice that you hadn't posted anything on social media. Just to notice you. At all.

Your stomach was in knots. Daring to crack your eyes open you glanced at the clock to see that it was well into the afternoon and you remembered that you hadn't eaten anything since the night before. Not that you would want to. You felt hungry but also nauseous and couldn't think of a single thing tempting enough to get out of bed for. If Wanda were here she'd wonder why you hadn't taken anything to help with your cramps and the splitting headache you currently had. But she's not. A minor mission had pulled away about half the team and the other half were probably busy or something, too busy to worry over where you were or wonder why they hadn't seen or heard from you yet today.

Shifting in bed you realized you really ought to take an overdue trip to the bathroom and gingerly sat up, dragging yourself to the toilet and muttering curses under your breath along the way. You briefly considered showering but since you were convinced no one was gonna see you today anyway (and honestly you simply didn't have the energy) you waved the thought away, opting instead to crawl right back into bed. You groaned as you laid back down, burrowing into your nest of blankets and pillows, feeling fresh tears form as you fell deeper into your pit of physical and emotional pain.

Bucky had seen the team off that morning and gone out for a run followed by an extended workout. He had considered texting to see if you were up for joining him but figured with it being a Saturday that you were taking advantage of the alone time to sleep in. After a quick shower and lunch alone in the common room Bucky started to worry that he hadn't seen or heard from you all day. Maybe you had gone out? Clearing away his dishes he made his way towards your room, hesitating before knocking thinking if you were in there maybe you didn't want to be disturbed. That's when he heard it. You were... in pain? Concern overriding everything else Bucky burst into your room, eyes adjusting to the darkness, scanning the room in search of you.

"(Y/N)? Where are you? Are you okay?" He had an edge of panic in his voice that couldn't be missed. He was about to call out again when he saw a hand waving weakly from the center of the bed. He stepped quickly towards you, determined to assess any damage. What he found nearly broke his heart. You looked so small, such a contrast from the strong and bubbly person he saw every day. Buried in blankets up to your neck, even in the dim lighting Bucky could make out your anguished, tear-streaked face. He sat carefully on the edge of the bed, reaching for you but not sure where it was okay to touch you, finally settling on brushing a lock of hair behind your ear. His voice was quieter, gentler than before. "Hey doll... sorry to barge in but I heard you cry out and my instincts took over..." He gave you a small smile. "What's going on?"

You took a deep breath, trying to pull yourself together a bit, wiping leftover tears from your face. "It's nothing you can do anything about, Buck. It's just a girly thing... you know... I'll get over it in a couple days, I'm fine..." You risked a look in Bucky's direction and decided then and there that Bucky looking flustered and blushing was your favorite thing ever. He fidgeted for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck and opening and closing his mouth several times as if to say something. He took another look at your face and you could see him making up his mind.

"I may not be able to stop what's happening to you but I'll be damned if you think I can't do anything about it. I spent enough years taking care of Stevie to understand that." He looked you over carefully. "Lemme guess, you haven't eaten anything today?"

"No.." you mumbled, looking away from him.

"Then that's our first order of business. I'm gonna fix ya somethin' and then we'll see about getting some meds in you to help with the pain." He stood and grabbed the remote from your side table. "And here, while I'm gone pick something for us to watch. And none of that sappy dramatic stuff either, we're either gonna laugh or watch people blow stuff up." He set the remote down next to you and lifted your chin slightly so you'd look at him. "It's gonna be okay, doll." He smiled and then headed for the kitchen.

By the time Bucky returned you had shifted to a sitting position off to the side of your bed, still curled up in a ball but with enough room for Bucky to join you. "It's the best I could do in a pinch but it should help..." He set down a tray of chicken noodle soup, crackers, and a ginger ale then sat on the bed next to you, leaning on your headboard.

You ate slowly under Bucky's watchful eye, still not feeling up to it but knowing you needed to, taking some pain meds as soon as you finished your soup. Parks and Rec was queued up on your Netflix, a show Bucky had never seen before, so you spent some time explaining who everyone was. By the third episode he was laughing right along with you and you were definitely feeling better.

By the fifth episode you were curled up into Bucky's side, his warmth helping to ease your cramps. You only wish that quieting the voices that kept screaming in your head was that easy. Logically you knew that those negative thoughts were lying to you, logically you knew that your friends cared about you and you were a valuable asset to the team. But during this time of the month your logical self tends to be drowned out by thoughts you'd rather not think. That if you died the team would be better off without you, that you were worthless, and ugly, and all your friends are just pretending to like you. Including Bucky. He was just being nice to you out of pity. He's got better things to do than sit around playing nurse all day. You could feel the tears welling up again so you cleared your throat and made to sit up in an effort to keep them at bay.

His voice was a low rumble in his chest, laced with concern. "How are ya feelin' there, doll?" You couldn't look at him. If you looked at him then you wouldn't be able to stop your tears and the last thing you needed was more pity.

"Okay.... um, better. Listen, thanks for checking on me, y-you don't have to stay or anything. I'm sure you've got stuff to do so don't let me keep you..." You scooted away only to have a cramp hit you and cause you to cry out.

"Hey, hey now.. where are you going? You need to lay back down." He gently took your wrist and tugged. "And I'm not going anywhere, you're stuck with me doll.." He grinned towards you, the grin fading a bit when he saw the tears threatening to fall from your eyes. "Sweetheart, what is it? Have I done something wrong?"

"N-no, of course you haven't, you've been perfect." You wiped a stray tear away in frustration. "I'm just letting you off the hook. You've filled your quota of doing nice things today cause you feel sorry for me. I'm good." You gritted your teeth as more tears fell silently against your will and you furiously wiped them away.

Bucky didn't say anything for a moment. Then he reached out, sweeping your hair over your shoulder and turning your head to face his. "Doll, (Y/N), please look at me." You sniffled once, then twice, then gradually lifted your gaze to meet his. He was looking at you so tenderly, hiding nothing which was unusual for the soldier. "Please hear what I'm about to say and for God's sake please believe me. I am not here because I feel sorry for you, I am here because I feel something for you. And that something is far more than just concern for a teammate and a friend." Bucky used his thumb to brush another tear away. "I didn't happen to walk past your room earlier, I'd been thinking about you all day. I didn't stay because I needed to keep an eye on you, I stayed because every minute I get to spend with you is a gift. I hate, hate that you feel this way but to be honest I'm secretly thrilled because it gave me an excuse to hold you close to me." You took a shuddering breath as Bucky brought up his other hand to cup your face. "If you still want me to leave I understand. We can forget this whole conversation ever happened. But, I hope you don't. I hope... I hope you'll ask me to stay..."

Your heart swelled at Bucky's words as they dissolved every single ugly thought and replaced them with warmth and hope. Leaning forward slowly you pressed your lips to his, salty and sweet, and smiled whispering, "Stay..." Bucky smiled back, returning your kiss and then some before settling back down onto your bed and pulling you into his arms. You laid there on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the gentle rise and fall of his breathing, the rhythm of it making it hard to keep your eyes open.

Somewhere between asleep and awake you murmured into his chest, "I love you so much, you saved my life."

He pulled you closer, rubbing your back and stroking your hair. "I love you too, doll," he whispered in return, kissing the top of your head as you both fell into a peaceful sleep.