Dad spent five days in the hospital and we've been home now for about three. He's settling in, not very well. He's been giving a list of cannots and he's climbing the walls. Sara moved back in. We've been taking shifts with dad. Someone has to check his stitches and help him change his bandage every four hours. Carson and I live here even though it's just me right now, Carson's touring with mom, I told Sara that I would keep on it. But for her own sanity and doctor-ness, she made sure that Dad and I couldn't kick her out.

He can't walk the greatest yet. It's slow and strenuous and it knocks him flat on his ass when he finally comes to a halt. Sara and Dr. Pearson keep assuring us that once he's fully healed he'll be back to normal. Except he has to be careful to not exert himself. Which is hard to fathom because we're talking about a man who would swim a mile in the pool every morning winter, spring, summer, and fall. With that being said he also can't bathe himself on his own yet either. I'm letting Sara do that. His voice hasn't come back. I'm losing hope that it ever will. He sounds normal it's just gruffer almost like he has strep throat or pneumonia. But he can't sing period. He tried in the hospital and he was so off-key and it sounded like low pitch nails on a chalkboard. We haven't told mom yet and Mason is so pissed off.

"We, need to tell everyone." Dad sighs.

All of us are gathered at the house. It seems that ever since dad's been home that's where we've been harboring. No one ever stays long but every day all of us are there at some point. My nieces and nephews know and it's heartbreaking watching them skirt around my dad like he's a wounded dog. In a way he is and they know they have to be gentle but none of them will even get close to him.

"I'll post it first. Then, Josh, we have the biggest fan basis. From there everyone else can follow suit on whichever social media platforms they prefer." I suggest pulling up the picture that I've had on my background for a few days.

It's morbid I know, a picture of me and my dad sleeping in a hospital bed together, but it was sweet and there aren't a lot of pictures of me and either of my parents.

As I type up the Instagram post that will be linked to my twitter and my facebook, The tears threaten to fall but I hold them in.

Daddy, I love you so much and my heart hurts for you.

I am sad to say, but Late last week, my dad underwent emergency open-heart surgery. He is now recuperating at home and each day he is stronger than the last. While he and his heart are doing well, the surgery resulted in vocal cord damage. While it is unclear if the damage is permanent or not, we are hopeful it is not.

This past year has been very stressful and difficult for certain members of our family, to say the least. But despite all this, our gratitude for life trumps all the obstacles we've faced. We are so fortunate that our 'daddy' and 'papa' are alive as does he. He looks forward to putting this all behind him and getting to live a long prosperous life spending time with and taking care of his babies and grandbabies.

With that being said, all touring and shows my dad had scheduled have been put on pause until he gathers enough strength to be out there making music for you all again.

Our family thought this was important to share what's going on with our father in hopes that we inspire someone else to seek preventative care. Our family has a history of heart issues. I was born with a heart murmur and a hole in my heart and we lost both my Uncle Greg at 45 to heart disease and my grandfather at 56 as well. Which is what inspired my sister, Dr. Sara Jackson, MD, NNP, FACC to do what she does. We urge everyone who is even experiencing the mildest of symptoms to seek professional care.

Though Sara is cardiologist that specializes in premature and underweight babies, she still knows everything she needs to.

Dr. Sara Jackson MD, NNP, FACC:

UCLA Medical Center 757 Westwood Plaza, Los Angeles California, 90095 (310) 825 9111 ext. 10

Cedars-Sinai Medical Center 8700 Beverly Blvd, Los Angeles California 90048 (310) 423 3277 ext 5

Please only call for Emergency Purposes

Dr. John Preston MD, FACC:

Cedars-Sinai Medical Center 8700 Beverly Blvd, Los Angeles California 90048 (310) 825 423 ext 4

Much Love, Emmeline.

***

Waking up around noon is blissful but it's weird. But it's always like that when I tour. The first thing I do when I open my eyes is reach for the iPhone on my nightstand. It has service mostly for my kids and Lindsey to contact me. But other than that I use it for games on long flights, taking 'selfies' and scrolling through Instagram. I'm not proud of it. I've always been an advocate for the No social media thing and I am so glad that my children are enforcing that with my grandkids. Only allowing them certain amounts of time on the electronics. There's just something about Instagram that I absolutely love.

I'm about to click on the damned icon when a giant group of people burst through my suite door. Karen at the helm on the phone.

"I COULD'VE BEEN NAKED!" I yell as they all quiet down and look at me. Worried expressions are littering Carson, John, and Christine's faces. Karen is furiously talking to someone on the phone and Mick just looks at me with the most emotionless face.

"Is it true?" Mick asks.

"Is what true?" I question.

"Lindsey." Mike answers.

"Lindsey? What's wrong with Lindsey?" I ask sitting up straighter.

"It's all over the news," Karen says hanging up the phone.

I grab the remote and it turns on to the entertainment channel.

"Former Fleetwood Mac guitarist Lindsey Buckingham has undergone emergency heart surgery. Emmeline Buckingham, his daughter and lead singer of the band Mickinley Dreams and Joshua Buckingham, his son and lead singer of rock band Buckingham, have both confirmed it on their social media pages. Both of the messages were the same except for some minor changes. Emmeline says and I quote, 'I am sad to say, but Late last week, my dad underwent emergency open-heart surgery. He is now recuperating at home and each day he is stronger than the last. While he and his heart are doing well, the surgery resulted in vocal cord damage. While it is unclear if the damage is permanent or not, we are hopeful it is not.' Heart Disease runs in the Buckingham Family as Emmeline herself admits to having a heart murmur and hole in her heart when she was born. As a result of the surgery, all of his planned engagements have been canceled." The female host says.

"Wow, that must suck especially coming off the heels of his firing from Fleetwood Mac. Lindsey was let go at the beginning of 2018 when it was reported Stevie Nicks, his wife of forty-plus years said that she never wanted to sing on stage with him again after smirking during her acceptance speech at MusiCares. It is unclear if he and Nicks have called it quits on their marriage, but when Lindsey was reported to have the surgery she was in Kentucky performing with Fleetwood Mac. Lindsey, we wish you and your family all of our healing prayers and good vibes. Get Well Soon." The male host says as the show cuts off.

I let out a strangled cry and immediately open up Instagram. I see Emmeline's post first and my heart breaks at the image of her and her father laying in that hospital bed. She looks at peace in her father's arms but Lindsey, my sweet Lindsey, was pale and lifeless a tube sticking out of his nose and things coming out of his hospital gown near his sternum. I read her whole post and the tears don't stop falling and I start rocking back and forth in the bed. Jessie commented a little. I love you, Uncle Lindsey, I'll be by to see you in a couple of days. I can't read anymore and I scroll down. Joshua has the same post as his sister. Christi posts a picture of her Jeff and Lindsey from their wedding with a thoughtful, we're praying for you Linds, we'll get down to Los Angeles to see you soon, caption.

"Stevie, did you know?" Karen asks sitting on the empty side of the bed. Lindsey's side of the bed.

"No, I didn't know." I sob into my hands.

"We have two days off if you need to go home, we could even cancel some dates if we need to," Neil suggests.

"I am going home, I'm pissed that no one told me, but I just...I need to see him. I need to make sure he's okay, but I'll be back I promise." I say scrambling out of the bed and grabbing some discarded clothes for me to put in.

"I've already gotten you a plane. I can have a car here in fifteen minutes." Karen says.

"Please." I bellow before running into the bathroom.

***

When I get home the house is quite and the lights are turned off downstairs. I'll only be here for two nights and it really hurts but I can't not be here. I quickly climb up the stairs and bust into our master bedroom. Sara is awake, barely, laying on my chaise lounger and Emmeline is occupying my side of the bed, her head on her father's shoulder, fast asleep.

Sara holds her finger up to her mouth and she goes over to the bed to wake up Emmeline. She bolts up, always having been a light sleeper and looks at me and her sister before crawling out of the bed and going into the hall.

I pull them into Emmeline and Carson's room and I lay into them.

"WHY THE FUCK WASN'T I CALLED!"

"You weren't called because dad made me promise not to tell you. He had just gotten back from dropping you off at the airport when he started having chest pains. He thought it was heartburn because we had eaten Mexican food and he didn't order something that he was familiar with. It was about two in the morning when he woke me up saying that something was wrong and I needed to take him to the hospital. So I did. As they were taking him back he made me promise not to call you. Said something about disowning me if I did. I thought about it because he was you know...high on anesthesia but I didn't. Something in my chest was telling me not to." Emmeline explains.

"Emmeline I...." I start but I start to cry and I can't finish my sentence.

"Mom, I don't blame him. You've been a cold-hearted bitch to him since you fired him. It's been a year and you still haven't fully made up. The divorce papers are still sitting on his desk in his office." Sara explains.

"The what?" I ask my heart falling to the pit of my stomach. It's not the first time 'divorce papers' have been told to me but it hurts everytime a little more each time.

"Mom, when you fired dad he came to my hotel room crying. I've never seen my dad cry. Ever. In March when you left without telling anybody dad started drinking...heavily. When you missed my album release party that was the last straw. He went to his lawyer and had him draw papers up. I've watched him read them several times but he just keeps throwing them into drawers ." Emmeline explains.

"But October." I sputter.

"October wasn't supposed to happen but I kept nagging him. That's all I wanted for my birthday." Emmeline sighs sitting on her bed.

"We made up in December though." I shake my head.

"You had sex and started talking to each other again, that hardly counts as making up." Sara expresses.

"I'm just so disappointed in you both." I hiss glaring at them.

"You have more things to worry about mom, we've got it. We're fine you can go back to work." Sara states.

"How can I go back to work when my husband is laying in a bed because he had HEART surgery," I yell.

"The doctors told me, had he gone on tour he would've had a heart attack and died right in the middle of the stage. That's how bad his heart blockage was. Just think of that and go back to work." Sara hisses walking out of Emmeline's room and going into her old room.

"Just, go to your room. Dad's alarm is set to wake him up in a half an hour to change his bandages. He knows what to do. It's only six at night. We mostly sleep right now. He can't drive, have sex, or do anything strenuous. He'll be asked to be brought downstairs. He wants to try and cook sloppy joes tonight so Sara and I said we'd watch him carefully. It's not horribly strenuous." Emmeline pushes me out of her bedroom and shuts the door.

I trudge down the hall into my own bedroom and sit next to Lindsey. He's laying on his back, not wearing a shirt. His neck is ugly bruised and his five o'clock shadow, beard at this point, is patchy. Shaved where one bandage is and growing out in other spots. His chest hair, which I have so lovingly called his chest nest since we were still dating is gone and a gauze pad is taped right over his heart. He looks weak and I don't like it. I've never seen my husband weak. He's always been the strong one. I can't stop the tears from streaming down my face as I hold his hand in mind. His wedding ring is next to him on the nightstand and I slide it onto his ring finger. It's slightly swollen, it always happens when he sleeps, but the ring still slides on.

He flinches when a cold tear hits his chest and he opens his eyes and looks at me. We share a brief moment staring into each other's eyes and then I just close mine and start sobbing and fall into his arms.

"I'm okay Angel." He grumbles. It doesn't sound like Lindsey and it makes me cry harder.

"Why didn't you tell me." I cry.

"Angel, I didn't know how bad it was going to be. But I wasn't going to do that to you, because I knew that if you knew you would've left. You can't stop working Steph. We're down to one income now. Fleetwood Mac needs you. They aren't going to survive if you drop out now." He smiles sadly.

"But Lindsey...you are my entire world. You, those two girls down the hall, our boys and our grandkids are the only things that are important to me. If I lose you, I don't think I would survive." I cry.

"You forgot Lily...but let's not think about that, because I'm okay." He chuckles.

"I'm supposed to die first got that," I say through the tears.

"Baby at this point I think you're indestructible." He rubs my back.

"I'm sorry Lindsey you know that right," I ask.

"I know. But hey, I'm not mad anymore. I heard Dr. Pearson tell Sara that had I been on tour I would've dropped dead onstage and that definitely wouldn't have looked good for either of us or our two kids that seem to be following in their momma's footsteps. In a way, you saved my life." Lindsey brushes a strand of my hair.

I just lay there in his arms until the alarm goes off and Lindsey quickly slaps his hand over it.

"Am I doing this myself or are you helping me?" He asks sitting up and grabbing at a first aid kit on the nightstand.

"I'll help," I answer.

The stitches and the scar are disgusting and I try my hardest not to cry and vomit when I put the gloves on and touch it to rub the cream over it. When I discard the dirty bandages in the bathroom, he's sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I told the girls I was making sloppy joes for dinner. You have to help me, Angel." He says holding his arms out.

I sit on the bed next to him and put his arms over my shoulder and I ease him up and out of the door. In the hall, Sara and Emmeline are watching us and Emmeline grabs my shoulders as we get to the first step.

"We can't have you both falling on us now. I know how your hip is momma." She replies laying her head on my shoulder and easing down the stairs with us both.