Being a stay at home mom isn't easy and I didn't expect it to be. I'm just not used to it. To make matters worse, my twenty-two year old wakes up when there's thunder. He also has nightmares almost every night. His therapy has started but his mind isn't fully back to normal. Watching him suffer like that is horrible.

In the new year, we will be going to Walter Reed. Karen and a body gaurd accompanying as I don't feel comfortable going alone. Anything could happen.

***

Christmas came quickly and Lindsey about lost it when Emmeline put a guitar on her Christmas list to Santa. He chose a small pink training guitar for her. He is so happy that all of his children are playing or are showing an interest in playing the guitar. Sara stopped playing guitar as her schooling and her life got to out of hand, she picks it up every once in awhile but she doesn't make a habit of playing it every day like she used to. As for Mason, he still plays it really well. We've discovered that when he plays it calms him down and decreases the panic attacks ten fold.

While we're sitting around the Christmas tree after dinner, Jessie has Emmeline sitting on her lap playing Barbies. Lindsey and Mason are strumming their guitars. Mason uses a guitar that once belonged to Lindsey and was the primary guitar used during the making of Tango in the Night, he was given it when Lindsey upgraded for Say, You Will. Sara and Nick are wrapped in each other's arms and a Christmas movie is softly playing on our TV.

"Stevie, are you really done making music?" Lori questions out of the blue.

"I am, for now anyway. Joshua just started eighth grade, he'll be in High School next year. Emmeline just started school as well. I want to be present this time. I kind of screwed up when it came to parenting Sara and Mason." I shrug.

"Stop it Steph, You are an amazing mother." Lindsey sighs stopping his melodic strumming.

"Thank you, but I don't feel like it...my daughter walked in on me in the process of overdosing. That totally screams fantastic mother." I bite my lip shaking my head.

"Mom stop it if I am half the parent that you are someday I would be so happy." Mason puts the guitar down and walks over to me engulfing me in his strong arms.

"Momma, what about Fleetwood Mac?" Emmeline asks leaving her cousin and crawling into my lap.

"What about it?" I ask brushing a strand of brownie-blonde hair behind her ear. My natural hair color.

"If they tour they can't go without you or daddy," Emmeline says biting her thumbnail.

"Oh Dove, if that comes along we'll talk about it then." I smile rocking her back and forth.

I hold her for a while and she eventually fell asleep in my arms.