The past five months have been interesting, to say the least. Emmeline started crawling in January, very quickly after Lindsey and I renewed our wedding vows. She started walking in March and Lindsey and I have to keep a close eye on her. She gets into everything. Especially my pots and pans. Even though we've babyproofed, she still manages to get into things. She bangs on them and she has a very good rhythm. She is definitely a Buckingham. While I should be planning my baby's first birthday party, I am cleaning my house for an at-home interview. I've decided that most of my interviews will be done at home because it's just easier for me.

An hour later, I'm sitting in a chair waiting for the interview to start.

"When did you start this record? Why did it take so long for you to release another album?" He asks.

"Well...I started to do this record in ninety-six. What happened was that the Fleetwood Mac reunion sort of came along in the middle of it so that really stopped me because for a good six months while we were thinking that it might happen and it might not happen it was really hard to do other work. Then I had a baby. And she is what took up the most time. I wanted to bond with her and make sure my pregnancy went smoothly because I am an older mother. I'm turning fifty and she's turning one." I explain.

"I saw her with Lindsey when I got here. She is such a good baby and she looks just like you." He chuckles.

"She does, and I love it. Sara has my face but, she has Lindsey's dark wavy slash curly hair. Mason and Joshua are the spitting images of Lindsey. Hair and Personality included. Emmeline is my little mini-me and I am relishing in it." I smile.

"You've said before that you write from personal experiences and what you're feeling. With Trouble in Shangri La, what does that say about where you are right now?"

"It says I'm in a good place and I'm happy right now." I nod.

"Will you be touring with this album? Seeing as you have a baby to take care of now?" He questions.

"That hasn't stopped me before. I will be touring starting in September. Emmeline will be going with me because Lindsey will be going into the studio and Josh starts fifth grade, Mason his senior year of High School, and Sara her first year of Med School. I have it all figured out." I explain.

"Alright, I'm glad. Thank you so much, Stevie." He smiles.

I smile and nod and then after the camera shuts off he gives me a look.

"Come on, you can hold her." I chuckle.

"I love babies but I was scared to ask?" He laughs.

I take him into the kitchen were Lindsey is doing dishes and she's sitting on a blanket in the middle of the floor.

"Mama...Mama." She cheers when she sees me.

"Oh hello, Dove," I smile picking her up and handing her to him.

"Aren't you a precious little thing. Hello." The interviewer smiles.

"She takes the opportunity to grab his lips.

"Emmeline no," I say taking her tiny hand in mine firmly.

She does it again and I repeat my no as the interviewer laughs. Finally, Lindsey steps in.

"Emmeline Bella No." He says firmly. Emmeline takes her own hand away and starts to cry into the guy's neck.

"Oh, crocodile tears," I say rubbing her cheek.

"On that note, I should get going. Thank you again, Stevie, for the interview." He says handing her to me.

"No problem. Anytime." I smile.

"I'll show you out," Lindsey says drying his hands.

"Well, we know who the disciplinary parent is going to be." I chuckle when Lindsey comes back into the kitchen.

"I figured. The other three where the same way, you're too nice." Lindsey smirks kissing me.

Quicker than I would like Emmeline's first birthday is upon us. It means that my baby isn't a baby anymore She's a toddler now. We have a Winnie the Pooh party and our family comes from all over.

My Trouble in Shang-ri La tour sells out very quickly and before I know it, I'm packing for the and the kids are starting school.

I have my hair pulled back in a bun, one of Lindsey's button-ups wrinkled and a unbutton over a tee shirt and my old bell bottoms on when Josh comes running into my bedroom. I adjust my glasses and look at him.

"Joshua, where is the fire?" I question placing my hands on my hips.

"Something's wrong with Brenwen." He says

"What do you mean?" I sigh.

"She just laid down in the grass. She's not breathing or moving." Josh explains.

My heart sinks and I follow him out into the back garden. I kneel down next to her and confirm my suspicions.

"Joshy, go get me the phone please." I breathe out.

When he comes back out, I wipe my eyes and dial Lindsey's cell.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Josh asks as I open my arm and he sinks into my side.

"Hey, Steph, what's up?" Lindsey asks.

"Lindsey, Brenwen just died." I choke out as Josh looks up at me.

"I'm about to go into a meeting. Wrap her in her old dog blanket and I'll take care of her when I get home. I'm so sorry Steph." Lindsey says.

"Thanks. I um...have to take Josh to get some new jeans. Should I just leave her?" I ask wiping my eyes. Josh tightening his grip on my waist.

"Yes, just leave her. I love you, baby." Lindsey sighs.

"I love you too," I say hanging up.

"She's dead mom?" Josh asks

"Yeah baby, come on let's go get your jeans," I say wiping my eyes again and hugging him.

With Emmeline in hand, we go get Josh's jeans and when we get back Lindsey and Mason are digging a hole in the garden. Josh, Emmeline and I go back there. Emmeline on my hip, Josh under my arm.

"Hey mom," Mason says stopping his digging to hug me.

"Hi, kiddo." I sigh.

"You okay?" Mason asks.

"I've buried dogs before. I'll be okay." I say tears coming to my eyes again.

"Hey Angel, I went and told Sara at work. She sends her love and prayers." Lindsey hug me and kisses my head.

"Thanks." I sigh.

"You look good in my shirt. What's the occasion?" Lindsey smirks wiggling his eyebrows as I shift Emmeline to my front from my hip.

"All of my clothing is packed away." I smile.

"Oh yeah, the kids start school tomorrow and you go on tour in two days." Lindsey scrunches his face up.

"I love you. All of you." I say looking at my family. After we say goodbye to Brenwen I make a roast and Karen comes over to talk about the tour.

"So you all will be at every California show. Except for Josh and Mason who will only go to the weekend shows. Then all to Arizona for Thanksgiving where you all will be at the Phoenix show. I'm done on December tenth. Emmeline and I will fly back here for Christmas. I don't go overseas until January thirtieth, with my first performance in London." I go over again biting the tip of my pen.

"Are you taking Emmy overseas," Sara asks.

"I hadn't' thought about that. I want her with me but none of you ever went overseas with me. Yet alone on tour with me." I sigh.

"Why don't you see where you're at when you come home in December. Personally Steph, I'd rather her stay with me." Lindsey says hugging her to his chest.

He fed her on his lap tonight. Something we've only recently started doing. It was quite cute tonight because he was bringing a fork full of mashed potatoes to his mouth and she grabbed it and stuck it in her mouth. She enjoyed them so instead of apple sauce Lindsey fed her potatoes.

"But Lindsey she needs her mother," I reply.

"You left me with Mason and he's still alive...Forget I said anything. I'm going to put her to bed." Lindsey sighs.

"That's not...Lindsey." I sigh pinching the bridge of my nose.

"No, it's okay Stephanie. It's passed her bedtime though." He shakes his head walking away.

"Nice one mom. I have to go do homework." Sara says patting my shoulder.

***

Lindsey doesn't come back into the kitchen, so after Karen leaves and the boys go to bed I hunt him down. He's in his office looking over some paperwork. It's a recent addition to the house. It was built attached to the studio. As well as another guest room because other artists like Destiny's Child has approached him to produce their debut album. Claiming he needed the space to keep himself organized.

"Baby what are you doing?" I ask going over to him.

"I'm just putting dates in my calendar." He sighs.

"Daddy, you should come to bed," I say straddling his lap.

"I've got a lot of work to do Steph." He says wrapping his arms around me.

"Please. I'm leaving in two days and I love you" I say burying my face in his neck.

"I love you too. But I'm kind of hurt." He says.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I just missed so much with Sara, Mason, and Joshua. For so many years, I felt like an inadequate mother. Emmeline is my last chance and I don't want to ever feel that way again." I sigh hugging him tightly.

"Oh baby, you are the most amazing mother to those kids. Your daughter is going to be a baby heart surgeon for Christ sakes." He laughs.

"She's your daughter too. And she did that on her own." I look up at him.

"You still look good in my shirt." Lindsey changes the subject.

"Mm, you always look good," I whisper. He laughs and kisses me.

***

The next morning I wake up to Lindsey's alarm and I growl.

"Lindsey, turn it off." I groan.

When it doesn't shut off, I roll over and he's not even in bed. I whimper and finally turn it off. I throw my robe on as Lindsey walks in carrying Emmeline.

"Well good morning." I coo as Lindsey crawls into our bed with her.

"Emmy woke up and needed her diaper changed so daddy took care of it. Didn't he?" Lindsey talks baby talk to her.

"Daddy needs to put a shirt on unless he wants the older ones to know that mommy and daddy made love last night." I coo grabbing her tiny little hand.

"I think they know because Mommy is vocal." Lindsey looks at me.

I give him a look and grab my baby from him and hug her to my chest.

"Go take your shower." I hiss.

He laughs and crawls back out of bed. I sit Emmeline in the center of the bed and grab my black nightgown. I take my robe off and slide the nightgown on and return the robe to my shoulders. I take Emmeline downstairs and put her in her high chair. She's fourteen months now, so she's feeding herself when she's in the high chair, but in the morning when she's half asleep we feed her. Starting to multitask, I make pancakes for everyone else.

Sara's down first grabbing an apple and running out the door. She's been in college now for two weeks so she already has a system. Then Lindsey who takes the baby spoon from my hand and gives it to Emmeline who starts feeding herself sloppily. Then Joshua and Mason join us.

"Josh do you want me and mom to drop you off or do you want Mason to drop you off?" Lindsey asks as the boys start eating.

"Can Mason drop me off and you guys pick me up?" Josh questions.

"Mom can, I have a meeting," Lindsey says pouring two cups of coffee.

"Yeah,I can pick you up." I smile.

"Awesome." Joshua grins back hugging me.

Saying goodbye to my family is hard, but I know going out on the road will be worth it in the long run. Having Emmeline with me is hopefully going to make it great though.