As Christmas was getting closer, something was changing in Ruth. That was clear when she called and requested that we came for Christmas and New Years. Normally everyone from both of our sides gather at our house. My family understood and though they were upset that they wouldn't get to spend Emmeline's first Christmas with her, I reminded them of Joshua's first Christmas where they got to spend it with him but not Lindsey's family.

My SUV has three rows, so we successfully were able to fit me and the kids in the SUV, however with all of our luggage and the baby things, Lindsey had to take the Mercedes with the gifts. When we get to Ruth's in San Francisco she opens the door looking very weak and fragile.

"Ruth?" I ask walking in the baby on my hip.

"Hi Stevie, Can I..." She motions to Emmeline.

"OF Course," I say handing the baby over.

"Are you okay?" I ask after looking at her and the baby for a minute.

"Fine dear." She smiles.

When we get into the Livingroom, Christi, Jeff, Meredith, and their kids are watching a Christmas movie.

"Great! Everyone is here, Stevie, Christi, can you help me get the eggnog and cocoa?" Meredith calls.

We follow her into the kitchen and when we're out of earshot we jump on each other.

"She's sick she has to be." Christi states.

"But with what?" I ask starting to mix some cocoa.

"I have no idea. She's been weird lately. I swear, ever since September." Meredith tells us.

"Why do you think she's having all of us stay here. Stevie, get this, Meredith and I live in San Francisco, and she's having us stay in this house. There is almost no free space for sleeping. Our poor kids are going to be piled on each other like sardines. And besides, It's supposed to be my mom and dad's Christmas. And I know you always host and mix both of the families." Christi looks at me.

"I don't know. My parents were pissed that they're missing Emmeline's first Christmas." I shrug pouring the cocoa in the Christmas mugs I laid out.

"There has to be some reason." Meredith groans. Before we can continue Lindsey walks in.

"Smile." He shouts holding up my camera so the three of us pause as he snaps the picture.

"What do you need Lindsey?" Christi asks.

"Just wondering where my eggnog is. I need my brandy." Lindsey smiles.

"Well, you're getting Rum. We'll be right out." Meredith laughs.

"Even better." He says taking a glass from his sister-in-law.

***

Christmas was crazy and we took at least one hundred photos. On New Year's Eve, we were waiting for the ball to drop when something in Ruth snapped.

"Stevie darling, will you sing for us while we wait?" Ruth asks as I shift Emmeline in my lap.

"Which song?" I question.

"Any will be fine." She smiles weakly.

Looking at my baby in my arms I start.

Beautiful Child

Beautiful Child

You are a beautiful child

And I am a fool once more

You fell in love when I was only ten

The years disappeared

Much has gone by since then

I bite my lip, can you send me away

You touch

I have no choice

I have to stay

Ooh, I had to stay

Ooh, I had to stay

Sleepless child

There is so little time

Your eyes say yes

But you don't say yet

I wish that you were mine

I wish that you were mine

You say it will be harder in the morning

I wait for you to say just go

Your hands held mine so few hours

And I'm not a child anymore

I'm not a child anymore

I'm tall enough to reach

For the stars

I'm old enough to love you

From afar

Too trusting? Yes

But then women usually are

I'm not a child anymore

No, I'm not a child, oh no

Tall enough to reach for the stars

I will do as I'm told

Even if I never hold you again

Sleepless child

There is so little time

Your eyes say yes, but you don't say yes

I wish that you were mine

I wish that you were mine

I wish that you were mine.

After I sing Ruth breathes out very shallowly. Then it hits me.

She's dying.

***

I stay up with her and I watch her take her last breath on January second. When I finally go downstairs, I try not to cry.

"Stevie, we've hardly seen you or Ruth for twenty-four hours. Where have you been?" Meredith asks.

"Um, Lindsey, Jeff, Meredith, Christi, can I talk to you in the kitchen?" I ask.

Meredith who's holding Emmeline carries her into the kitchen, gently rubbing her ducky onesie-clad back.

"Steph, what's going on?" Lindsey asks.

"Um, Christi, Merridith, and I noticed that your mom wasn't looking good. On the thirty-first, after I sang, her breathing became really shallow. I sat with her all day yesterday. She um, took her last breath about a half hour ago, we need to start calling people." I say tears welling up in my eyes.

Lindsey wraps me in his arm and Merridith clutches Emmeline to her chest. My soft-spoken brother-in-law breathes out.

"I'll call everyone. First things first, the coroner."

"I'll go tell the kids so they can say their goodbyes," Christi says placing her hands on Jeff's shoulder's who was making his way to the telephone.

"That's why she wanted us to stay here for Christmas. She didn't want to be alone when she died and she wanted to spend one more holiday season with us. She knew she was going to die soon." Meredith says as Lindsey wraps his arms around both of us.

***

It wasn't until late that night after every call had been made and everyone was in bed, Ruth's body long gone that Lindsey sat on the edge of his childhood bed and started to cry.

"She's gone Steph, I have no one left. My dad's been gone for twenty years and now mom's gone. I almost lost you in ninety-three." He says tears streaming down his face.

'Hey, you are not alone. Do you understand me? Yes, I almost died but I didn't. I'm here. You still have me, Jeff, Meredith, Christi, and all four of your children." I say tear welling my own eyes.

"Steph," He sobs as I take him into my arms.

We cry ourselves to sleep and I'm up with a crying baby at eight. As I'm feeding her bananas, I look at the phone. Normally I have Karen make my work calls but She's spending Christmas in the Bahamas. My treat of course.

I take a deep breath and call reprise. Mo, the head answers immediately when I'm transferred to him.

"Stevie Nicks, what can I do for you baby? Do you want your album out early? Hopefully." He asks.

"I actually want to push it," I say spooning food into my baby's mouth.

"WHAT!" He bellows.

"I just had a baby and..." I start.

"You had that baby nine months ago." He hisses.

"Not at nine months yet, but you didn't let me finish. My mother-in-law passed away last night. The album is finished. I just have to do the album cover. Plus the first year of a baby's life is the most critical. Right now, I just need to be with my family. Not jetting all over the world promoting a new album." I explain.

"How long do you want?" He asks.

"May. That way Emmeline will be about a year and grieving for my mother-in-law will be over. Her things will be taken care of legal and personal." I reply.

"Five months." He yelps.

"Yes." I sigh closing my eyes and biting my lip.

"mama." I whip to look at Emmeline, she's banging her little fists on the tray of the high chair and kicking her legs.

"As much as I don't want to let you, I will. Only until May first. Then that album goes on the shelf." He states.

"Oh thank you so much," I say tucking the phone between my cheek and shoulder tearing a banana and giving it to her.

"Ms. Nicks, don't make a habit of it." He scolds.

"I won't," I say hanging up.

I lean over the high chair and stare at identical eyes to mine.

"Momma has the next five months off to cuddle and play with you, yes I do." I smile kissing her messy baby cheeks.

She mimics my smile and then holds a banana chunk out to me and I take it into my mouth and she laughs. Everyone somberly comes down the stairs and while I'm making omelets, Jeff speaks up.

"Um, we need to think about the funeral. Hopefully, mom's autopsy will be back in the next few days so we can plan. Aunt Martha and the boys and their families will be here tomorrow. Stevie, when do you go back to work?" Jeff questions.

"Mid-April." I sigh taking Emmeline out of her high chair.

"Angel, your album comes out in three weeks. Don't you have interviews?" Lindsey asks.

"No, I called Reprise this morning. I'm pushing release to May first. The only interviews I have coming up are telephone. I'll get Karen down here and she'll give the stations Ruth's house number instead of ours. I will have to tell the world about Ruth's passing though. And besides, my family is way more important than my job. I need to be here with all of you. I left way to early when Morris died. I should've told Mick Fleetwood to Fuck it but we were poor." I shrug.

"Aunt Stevie swore." My eight-year-old niece Brooke states.

"Hush and eat your omelet. I worked hard on that." I chuckle nudging her.

"They are really good." Jeff half smiles.

"Yeah, you need to teach mom." Cory chimes in.

"I make fine omelets." Christi pouts.

"You burn them," Brooke announces.

"Brooke," I scold.

"It's true." For the first time in twenty-four hours, we laugh.