It took me at least one hour to regain my composure after then again flooding my face with tears, had seven hours of sleep and until then, the sky became dark. I counted approximately ten minutes to make myself presentable for the outside, and one minute of holding my doorknob from the inside, taking deep breaths before I had finally brought myself out on the other side of the door.

It was my second time of going out that day to catch some fresh air. It's just quite difficult to stay at a place where I brought and filled in with so many emotions.

Until now, I still feel like I shouldn't let go of my feelings easily and cry for him this much, it was too shallow to think about. I mean, we really had nothing between us, only the fact that we slept together for atleast an amount of times where you could consider it doings of people who actually has a commitment.

Yet, for the record, nevertheless, I feel miserable. I cried my eyes out. I slept all day for the sake of wanting to not think about the things that was happening around. I do things to momentarily give myself ease, and that includes this stupid walk that I'm doing for the stupid fresh air that I desperately need because of the stupid hotel room that suffocates me until I could feel myself running out of stupid oxygen.

I can't even bring myself to get in to any stores or any food establishments, because for the last time, I feel like any closed area deprives me of stupid air.

I heaved a deep sigh, partly thinking that doing so will help me breathe out all the things that was going inside my head and all the feelings that was just too hard to carry.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Sure, I do these walks to alleviate my messed up emotions and to ease my mind, but, how long do I have to do these to know that I already had enough?

How can I stay in here when this isn't even my home, but, just a place I went to, to treat myself? Yet, in the end, I found myself breaking again.

Why haven't I thought of going back home anyway? I mean, I could just leave and forget about everything and continue my life and act like nothing had even happened.

I could do that. Totally. I could just fly back. Yes. But. .

I know I can't have any but's, and have complete and sensible reasons on why I should leave, but. .

I have a person on my mind. It's hard to even admit it to myself. .

But . . he's the only one holding me back. Though, I don't feel like he would go to the extent of not wanting me to leave, but. . I can't bring myself to go away from him.

I want to go back home, but, my heart, my whole body and me in general is chained to him and he wasn't even doing anything, he just stood still and I was even barely holding on, yet still, even for the thinnest thread, I think I might still probably find myself hanging tight.

I twirled the loose thread on the hem of my shirt, it looked like it was also barely holding on and it was too tempting to tug off. I tried to pull my hand, yet, when I briefly looked up instinctively, before I could even move a muscle, my body stopped on its own when I spotted someone too familiar to be unknown through the window pane of some establishments which I grasped as a bar when I took a full look of the building.

Vernon's I don't know who. I didn't get the chance to know her name, and I still don't have any clue on who she was to Vernon.

I was almost a hundred percent certain that it was her, but, for some reason, she looked so different from the first and second time I met her. Days ago then, she seemed composed, laid-back, very much presentable, and I don't know. . sober? Now, the sight of her was drunk, disoriented, miserable, and messy, yet still, it didn't lessen that much to how sophisticated she was.

I hurried inside, but not too much to the point of being obvious. People who are intoxicated are the most fragile and easily deceived, and judging from the conversation Vernon and her had, she didn't have anyone with her at this country aside from Vernon and that Sean she mentioned. And it appeared to me that no Sean was around, if he was, he would've shoo-ed away those guys who were trying to get close to her.

As soon as I made my way through the crowd, I pulled a chair and sat across her. I had to look at the guy who was almost beside her for a long time for him to walk away, the last thing that I wanted was too see that guy doing things to her in the middle of trying to talk and help her.

I bit the side of my lower lip for awhile, thinking of what to say to her and on how will I be able to give her aid.

"Hey. . uhm. .", I gulped before knocking on the table between us. She seemed to not hear me nor have I even gotten her attention yet.

After a few more head banging's, she finally looked up, and for unknown reasons, she smiled as she saw me, but, knowing the fact that she was drunk, it was understandable that she did so.

"It's you. .", Somehow, her smile turned bitter. ". . the person he held with his hands. . the person he looked at. . the person he went to, to leave me. ."

"What?", I questioned, utterly bewildered. I know that I was that person she was talking about, but, I didn't know that I was that type of person.

". . the person he walked away with. .", she continued, disregarding what I tried to made clear of her. I know to myself that I was what she was talking of me, but she was making it sound as if I was someone who'd do those willingly, I wouldn't do it if I knew. I wouldn't have done it if I knew that there was actually her.

She out of a sudden placed both of her hands above mine, holding them tight. "Please . .", She begged, and it spoke a lot more than just a single word. "I can't imagine a life without him. I can't continue my life if not with him. Just please . . leave him. Those things that he did to you, the way he held your hands so familiarly, the way he looked at you as if your his world, he did all those for me too. . and I have come to realize that he means the whole world to me. ."

I became wordless of everything that she just drunkenly spat out. I tried to connect the dots, pinpoint, and I was left with a few conclusions; one, she is certainly his ex or some type of lover and if she still is, two, perhaps. . just perhaps, Vernon is cheating on her. . with me. . ? three, she's ever so serious on gaining him back, four, she saw the way he looked at me, and he did as if I was his world. . ?

"I need him. . please. . ", I couldn't finish the rest of my conclusions when she spoke again.

I wish I could just disappear now. I'm now at the point where I wish me and Vernon shouldn't have crossed paths, because if we didn't, I wouldn't have gotten to this position where leaving him isn't that easy of a task.

Letting him sit with me at that park bench was a bad idea, that whole dory thing was a bad idea, letting myself go to his apartment was a bad idea, drinking wine with him was a bad idea, going on those strolls with him was a bad idea, being tour buddies with him was a bad idea, going with him to the beach was a bad idea, kissing him was a bad idea, sleeping with him was a bad idea.