To simply describe the moment I was at; it felt like I was sitting on the living room couch watching a film where the two main characters are arguing because of some stupid miscommunication and are in the verge of a split up, the only difference was that I was standing, I was in the hotel's lobby, and the two main characters were right infront of me.

I actually didn't even feel like I was there. I don't know, I felt like nothing at that time. But, at the same time, I felt so pathetic just standing there, watching them converse, and only them like it was planned by some director that no side characters can interrupt them.

I glanced down at my hand that was enveloped by Vernon's own as his grip tightened.

"Please, Vernon. I truly came here for you alone.", The lady said, continuing to plead for Vernon when the only thing that he could give her was his cold stares.

"No. You didn't.", He answered, his voice dead. He sounded as if he was so sure of what he said when the lady was claiming the otherwise.

"I did. I came all the way here to see you again.", A few tears had already left the lady's eyes, but she was still standing there as if Vernon giving her a cold shoulder wasn't affecting her at all.

"If you are going to just say that all over again, then I'm done hearing from you. So please, just go. You don't want to be here.", Vernon's tone of voice somehow became less cold and emotionless, yet, still, can't deny the fact that he was disinterested — or if that's really the case by just judging from his face.

Was he really not interested about anything from that lady? Or was he just trying his best to not show it? And if he really was, I admit, he was good at it.

Vernon took a step forward, and with his hand still not leaving mine, he slowly dragged me along in an attempt to walk away from that lady.

"Just go home. I apologize if I can't welcome and accompany you like you expected after approaching me.", he was about to take a pace again, but halted when the lady blocked his way by moving to the way he was going to.

"I still want to marry you.", What she said literally stopped him in a way that I could feel it, and even I was as taken aback as he was that I couldn't help but to glance up at him.

Marry, ey? They might have really had something going on between them, even to the point of marriage.

"What?", Vernon questioned, his face turned into a frown, and he seemed utterly bewildered.

Well, if I was told the same thing, I would have the same reaction as him.

"This time, it's truly you that I want to marry.", She really looked like she had truly meant what she said.

Vernon shook his head, with a grin but a not so happy looking one, he appeared distressed and now to the point of being way more astonished. "No.", He said which just confused the lady. "I can't believe this.", He said under his breath, and I felt like I was the only one who heard it.

Without any last words, Vernon looked down and started making his way, pulling me along, walking past the lady.

He didn't bother looking back, at the lady, and even at me whom he was just dragging with him, not even asking if I was alright with him just pulling me around like I was some sort of pet, couldn't even care less if his super tight grip on my wrist was hurting me.

This is just pure crazy. And . And .

I can't even believe my ears for hearing them and my eyes for witnessing them.

The way they talked about marriage, talking about how she went all the way here to see him and pleading him about it, I can't believe myself for sleeping with him, not only once, but even more than twice. I can't believe myself for going with him to places, for having normal and usual conversations with him that would fill my stomach with butterflies, thinking that something will grow between us.

For some reason, it was clear to me already on why he didn't ask for any commitment, on why we did all those things that typical tour buddies wouldn't do without telling each other what we truly felt.

He didn't feel anything at all because I was just his pastime, a person whom he did things together because perhaps, he was bored.

He didn't care at all about what I felt, because he actually already had someone waiting for him back home, and now she went here, ending the wait.

But, why did he say no? Why did he refuse to talk to her and left?

If everything that I was thinking about was wrong, or if I was just misunderstanding them, I don't really know if I would be delighted by it. False or true, the fact that, that just happened and it made me feel so pathetic and useless and so out of place. . . his reassurance wasn't even there at all.

He could've said something to me, even just a single word to make me feel like I was there and he acknowledged it.

Yet, it was actually no surprise. Reassurance? I've been asking for it even before all of this. And all I got was nothing.

I forced my body to stand still, and as soon as he felt the weight, he stopped taking steps and looked back at me, his face half confused and half frowning, like his eyebrows were literally stitched together.

"We have already passed by my room.", I said, and as he looked behind my shoulder, a look of realization was instantly drawn on his face.

We got on the lift, got out to the floor where my hotel room is and we were exactly four doors past my room. A little earlier, I had no intention on telling him that we were already infront of my hotel room, I thought he'd realize sooner, but it took him too long to do so, he wouldn't probably even realize if I hadn't stopped him.

"I'm sorry. . I just uh. . There's a lot going on inside my mind. .", He whispered the last words, but still was audible for me to hear.

I few seconds had gone by, and I was partly expecting him to explain, even if it was brief, not everything, and not in depths, just enough to help me sleep later.

I wish I could tell him that there was a lot going on inside my mind too, that I needed some sort of enlightenment as well, but I was too insecure to ask now that I have come to realize things.

"Then I'll. . I'll just walk back again. Have a good night.", I pulled my hands from him and it felt a bit too easy. Frankly, I was still expecting him to hold me again and just explain. I turned my back on him, and any moment now, I would already find myself inside my room.

"Liv. . wait.", He called, and I didn't think twice on turning around to face him again.

If he will enlighten me, make me feel like I had been something to him already, encourage me by his words, I won't have a single doubt on not loosing him.

"I. . I don't know how to tell you this. . but. . about her, about earlier. . about everything. .", He briefly closed his eyes, slightly shaking his head, opening his eyes again and looked at me straight in the eyes. "It's not what you think.", He continued.

It's not what I think? Does he even know what I was thinking?

"Then what should I think? Tell me."

He ran his fingers through his hair, shortly closing his eyes shut again. I've never seen him like this before, the Vernon that I used to see was either smiling or having a nonchalant face, always either of those two, nothing more.

"Honestly, I don't know what to think about you right now.", I started, and he stared at me with frowning eyes. "I'm not even sure if I'm in the right position to do so.", because you make me feel like it. "I genuinely know what kind of a person you are, but I'm just really confused right now.", you are a kind and great person, but at the same time, I don't know. I don't know if I really do genuinely know what kind of a person you are.

"Just trust me.", He, just, said, and that's it.

How will I be able to trust you when I don't even know who you truly are, when you won't even try to explain to me, when you make me feel like I just do anything with you and make me feel like nothing when everything goes the other way around.

"Alright.", I answered, giving him a smile for the last time before turning my back on him once and for all, paving my way towards the door of my hotel room.

Perhaps, I also wasn't in the right position to let my tears out.

Was I crying? Maybe. Maybe no, or inevitably yes. I wasn't so sure, I was too ashamed to admit. My emotions were as confused as myself.