Rivaah was in study room of the house. The seating arrangement by the window lured her in and she's cooped up there since morning. The soft drizzle outside had captured her whole attention and abandoning her office work, she stared at the droplets splashing against glass. She sat there, as the drizzle outside turned into a heavy downpour.

The grey sky outside turned darker, floating clouds emptied themselves and rain showered down with a roar, coating the beautiful city in a standstill from it's every day chaos. Her slender fingers grazed across the cold glass of window ever so softly and traced the sliding drops as they resumed on their journey of embracing the flaws of earth. She was mesmerized by the beauty of rain.

It wasn't her favorite. May be because she never thought of it as a peaceful pause in life. She was always irritated that it made difficult for her to reach office. She always counted on the flaws, forgetting that everything carries it's own beauty. May be the rain was giving her a chance to know the details of nature, how it brings placidity through anarchy of world. It set her into a state of stop, in a moment where only breathing is a compulsion.

Life doesn't always asks you to run, it doesn't always demands success. It's okay to have insecurities, it's okay to be weak, it's okay to wait, it's okay to halt and breath for yourself. It's okay if you're confused now, everything will be sorted in the end. It's okay if you're not sure now, you'll be smiling at the thought of it later in future.

She was in solitude and she was satisfied. For the first time in a week, thoughts are not invading her mind. Insecurities about future are not trying to make room for themselves. She's calm and the moment is cherishable.

"Mommy, look I made house of blocks.", Reyansh came running in, breaking the serenity of silence around her. But she smiled. Even if the silence was peaceful, this sweet chaos is her life.

He climbed up on the daybed and held his creation up for her to see. She smiled at him before widening her eyes in surprise to make him happy. Appreciation from parents is what a kid craves and she'll shower it over her son. He dismantled it, deciding to show how he made it block by block. As he continued his sweet talk, she noticed how eerily he resembles his father. The same eyes, same hair, same eyebrows, everything is similar to him. Even if they made him together, he's carbon copy of his father.

Kabir.

His name echoed in the walls of her mind and her heart readily accepted the sweet sound of it.

He hasn't come out of his room since the day he cried in her embrace. He wasn't ready to leave the space bordered by four walls. It's been a week and now it is a routine for her.

He sleeps all day, lays distorted in the tangled lavender silk sheets. His hair always disheveled and eyes droopy. He denies to come out, to eat, to get up from the bed, all he does is whimper and cry in nights.

His psychiatrist said that he's living the memories again. But he has warned them, if this continues, Kabir may develop PTSD. Rivaah don't want him to get sucked into his past again. She don't want him to suffer and make them suffer. He can't let himself drown in that horrible past once again.

They need him.

"Did daddy eat his lunch?", She asked her son who stopped and looked at her.

"He did. I fed him some rice and beans.", He mumbled before resuming back on constructing the house with blocks.

The only one he accepts in his room is Reyansh. He doesn't even allow her to check upon him. She asks Reyansh to click some pictures of him so she could know how he's doing. If this continues, she knows she'll breakdown again. Her nausea is getting worse, she's having frequent rounds of throwing up. Her cravings are increasing. But who is she supposed to demand from when her husband isn't giving her needful attention. And she can't even shout at him, she can't even speak out her frustration because she knows her pain is nothing in front of what he's going through.

Life is beautiful they say. Will she ever experience this? Or will it always be written in the pages of books, not having any connection with the reality.

Hadn't he promised her that everything will be fine now. Then where's the promise now? What about the words he spoke with so certainty? What about the dreams he built her in the hope of positive future. And she can't even scream. She can't even barge in and lay down in his embrace. The safe haven of his arms, she's missing that warmth more than she ever did after meeting this man. He was always the reason of her tears, will he ever make her laugh freely? Can she ever expect something from him?

May be this was her only destiny? She can't expect completeness from the man who's already so broken. She can't expect roses, when all he has walked on since birth are thorns. She was destined to walk along with him. But she chose to give up instead. She knew she didn't deserved any of that, but then why did she fall for him and only him. Why couldn't she move on even after the separation? Why didn't her body demanded for any other man's touch other than him?

Was it her fault that the accident happened? May be he was better off like that? Cold and emotionless. It would have saved him from this horror. She shouldn't have left. She should have given him one more chance.

"May be I was wrong? May be it was my mistake?", She said out aloud.

"No, Mommy.", Reyansh said and she realized she spoke her mind in front of him. "My Mommy can never be wrong. Because you're the best!", He said and pressed a wet kiss on her cheek before jumping down and running out.

She resumed to complete his unfinished work. He had left the home incomplete halfway. Putting on the few blocks on their places, she was about to add one more when her phone rang. Dropping the block, she answered the phone.

"Yes, Mrs. Batra?"

"I hope you haven't forgotten about the visit tomorrow? You'll be able to hear the baby's heartbeat.", Her heart soared in the spirits of bliss hearing that. However her smile dropped remembering Kabir's condition. He was so excited for tomorrow. But now, will he accompany her there? Or like last time she has to go alone?

"Rivaah?"

"Uh, yes, doctor. I remember. I'll be there.", She replied in a small murmur.

"Good. I'll see you tomorrow then."

After she hung up, she decided to eat something as her stomach was demanding for food. It was already evening and she had last eaten at 12:00. Entering into kitchen, she opened the fridge and pulled out bread and eggs.

"I'll make it for you. You should rest.", Taila said taking the packet of bread from her.

"You've fever. You should be the one resting not me."

"I'm fine now.", Taila insisted as she forwarded her hand to take the carton of eggs but Rivaah shoved it behind her back.

"You're not. Go and take rest. You've to make dinner because I'll be tired after this.", Rivaah forced a smile but Taila saw through her brave facade.

"Have faith in God. When the time is right, everything will be fine.", Taila caressed her head before placing the packet of bread down on kitchen counter and walking out.

Rivaah scoffed.

Faith on God? For her it's nothing more than few meaningless words thrown together to hinder a person incapacitated.

Placing eggs on kitchen counter, she turned around to grab few other necessities from refrigerator.

"Rivaah?", She froze. For a moment her ears couldn't believe it was him calling her. Closing the door shut, she stood straight and then slowly turned. She couldn't recognize him for a second. His hair completely messy, beard grown dark and eyebags staining his beautiful porcelain skin. He didn't look the untouchable Kabir anymore. He didn't look her Kabir anymore.

"Ye-Yes?", She stuttered. Fearing her voice may whisk him away and he won't come out of his room again. He wasn't even looking at her straight.

"Can I get something to eat? I'm hungry.", He asked, his eyes lowered down to stare at the floor.

"Su-Sure. Can you give me few minutes?", She asked. Shit! She should have made more food. What if he says no and goes back to his room!?

"Okay. I'll be in my room.", He mumbled and left without raising his head to even glance at her.

A smile threatened to form on her lips and she wiped the wetness away from her eyes. She couldn't describe her happiness in words. For the first time she saw fading flame of hope reviving back into life.

Forgetting that she was hungry and had come here for herself in the first place, she got down to work to make him something delicious. Getting the chopping board, she chopped capsicum, tomatoes, and other essential vegetables. Grabbing the packet of noodles from cabinet, she let them down to boil in the pan of hot water.

When she was done, she sniffed the bowl of noodles and smiled. Her stomach growled, and she remembered she was hungry too. Shaking her head, she decided to wait until dinner and took the tray up to his room. She knocked, but the door opened on its own. Pushing it ajar, she stepped inside cautiously. The wrinkled sheets on bed made her frown.

Where is he?

She adventured further and noticed him in the balcony.

"Kabir?"

He turned around abruptly.

"Keep it there on the bed.", He said and turned back.

Tears threatened to pour down. "And come here please.", She sighed when he said that. Unawaredly, she was holding onto her breath.

Placing the tray on bed, she took slow steps toward him. Blocking the screaming voice in her head that demanded to throw herself in his arms. When she neared him, he slightly turned. She frowned. His left hand approached her, and held her empty one. Her body felt alive at one single touch. She was craving for it everyday.

"The amount of apologies I say, must be more than the stars in sky. And still I don't stop making mistakes.", He mumbled as his thumb stroked the back of her palm.

"No-"

"Stop forgiving me, Rivaah. I don't deserve it.", He said cutting her off. "How did I made you go through so much pain when you meant the whole world to me?", He whispered shakily. "I'm ashamed. I'm so ashamed of myself.", He added looking down.

"I've forgotten all."

"You shouldn't.", He shook his head, a single tear escape his right eye. "You don't deserve this. I'm-I'm so selfish.", He said, more to himself.

"It's fine. Everyone is at some point in their life.", She mumbled weakly.

"You should have been then.", He spoke up raising his head. Her eyes met his onyx ones and she absorbed the tranquility of moment. Inching closer, she wiped the rolling tears away and smiled at him.

"I am. I'm selfish for your love. I want you all for myself.", She whispered, her breath fanning his dry lips.

"But I did so wrong to you?"

"You did. And no amount of apologies will change the past now. So let's not waste our time in changing something that can never be changed. Let's head for future."

"You deserve so much better, Rivaah. Not a monster like me."

"I want you, Kabir."

"But what have I given you? Nothing except pain!", He gritted out.

"Now you're changed."

"What if I repeat the same mistake again?"

"Fine! Keep pitying yourself.", She muttered and turned to left. He grabbed her wrist and she sighed. He can't let her go yet says that she should move on?

Turning around, she grabbed his neck and brought him down for a toe curling kiss. His eyes widened in surprise before gently falling close.

Now that he remembers everything, all the feelings that were stored in some hidden attic of his mind is thrown open and embraced his body like a hurricane of destruction. A beautiful destruction.

He groaned. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her closer and delved deeper into her mouth to taste her sweetness. His tongue dominated her, and she let him. He was always the perceiver of it. An accident won't change it.

She felt in complete bliss. The butterflies in her stomach fluttered rapidly, as if experiencing the sweet taste of freedom for first time. The sky roared, celebrating the union of rain and earth.

They pulled apart and after catching their breath, their lips found each other again. In the serenity of rain, their souls danced together.

Later he made her sit beside and together they enjoyed the food that had turned cold. But who cares?

Next day, they reached hospital for the prenatal appointment.

"Can you hear it?", A very low sound of lub dub was heard and Kabir nodded with a shaky smile. "That's baby's heartbeat.", She told them.

Oh how much he had missed on life. His first baby's heartbeat. His birth. His first step, first word. And he was about to commit the same mistake again? His heart stuttered at the thought.

When they came home, both of them couldn't talk much. They were overwhelmed.

For Kabir, sheer amount of guilt and the first rare moment of happiness was difficult to ignore. He followed the sound of his son's broken singing and ended up in study room.

Together father and son completed the house block by block that was incomplete since yesterday.

Rivaah stood by the doorstep. Smiling at two most precious men in her life. When she saw the completed block house, a realization dawned down on her.

It is not a single person who makes home, everyone together create the safe haven called home.

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