mel sits at one of the tables draped in ivory silk off to the side. her heels have been kicked to the side and the warm grass tickles the bottoms of her bare feet. the wedding has begun to unwind into the night, people laughing and dancing in the faint glow of the setting sun. it's nearly night, and the stars are swimming in the clouds. her job is done, so she leans back in her folding chair and watches.

seb and june are on the dance floor together. even though the band is playing some pop eighties cover, they're slow dancing, feet gliding together to a rhythm only they can hear. mel can see the threads of gold disappearing into the folds of her dress and the flutter of june's lashes as she closes her eyes and leans forward to rest her head against seb's shoulder. the smile that rests at the corners of her lips is so soft that it makes some piece of mel ache.

watching them, despite how happy she is and how beautiful everything is, there is something hollow inside her, some slowly burning hunger.

and mel wants. she wants the damp summer air and the taste of vanilla frosting on her tongue and the way sebastian's fingers rest on june's wrist. she wants.

she has waited every year for something to fill this emptiness inside her and take away the wanting. now, realizing she will wait another year and maybe another and maybe dozens more makes her stomach clench with something white hot and ravenous.

she swallows hard, her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth. she looks away from june and seb. the air suddenly feels too hot and damp and her dress sticks to her skin. she needs air.

mel stands, when someone clears their throat.

she turns to see tom, half illuminated by the candlelight. he's wearing his tuxedo, with a carnation in his buttonhole the same color as her dress. the light casts shadows over his face, filling the hollows of his cheekbones with violet. his hair is rumpled and his cheeks are flushed from excitement, and her heart fumbles in her chest.

"mel," he says with a slight half smile. "hi."

damn him. damn that smile.

"hi," she manages.

"are you enjoying the wedding?" he asks.

she nods. mel looks down at their feet, to her bare toes and his black dress shoes, one of them untied. she tries not to look at him. his hair is starting to curl just above his eyebrow and her fingertips burn with the desire to brush it back.

his gaze shifts from the grass beneath them to her face and back again.

"uh, where's arjun?" he asks tentatively, almost flinching when she opens her mouth to answer.

"not sure. last i left him he was at the buffet juggling three plates of popcorn shrimp at the same time. it was vaguely impressive."

"so he's not—you're not—"

"no," she finishes. "and nina? where did she end up?"

"i don't know either, honestly."

"you don't seem too broken up about it."

"i'm not."

"i feel like i should defend nina's honor."

he has the decency to look ashamed.

she smiles, though. softly at first, then big enough that her cheeks ache. he looks up at her and bites his bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed.

"um, i was wondering i-if you would maybe want to. . . dance with me?" he asks, rubbing his jaw.

his cheeks are pink. her stomach drops like she's missed a step on the stairs. or two. or just missed all of them and fallen head over heels down the whole flight.

"o-or not, that's fine too—" he stammers after she doesn't answer.

"no," she interrupts. "no, i want to."

at that tom's whole face lights up, the tiny mole under his eye disappearing as he grins down at her and she knows she would've said those four words a thousand times over for that smile.

"shall we then?" he says, offering a hand.

she takes his hand.

she's never held his hand before. it's such a simple action, but it tears the breath from her mouth and turns her head inside out. his palms are warm and calloused against hers and his fingers envelop hers entirely. her hand is lost in his. she doesn't mind.

he pulls her onto the dance floor, and she feels the smooth wood under her bare feet. the band is playing some slow soft song that fills the air with warmth and summer. she can hear crickets chirping underneath the bass, and the air smells like vanilla and candle wax and hyacinths. the sun has barely set, leaving a pink echo of light on the horizon that barely lingers in the orange haze of the candles. time has dozed off in the setting sun.

tom slips one hand around her waist, gently, and pulls her slightly closer.

she can feel his pulse fluttering where their hands meet. it's beating just as fast as hers.

this cannot be her reality. this boy, this night. she feels as though she's living someone else's life, a stranger in a perfect world.

they're barely moving to the music. they just stand there in the summer air, wrapped in each other. tom's thumb moves imperceptibly up her spine, and she feels herself shiver.

mel has never been so close to him before. she can feel his breath fanning across her cheek. they move together, two planets in their own orbit, drawing ever closer. his eyes are two shards of amber that capture her and hold her there intact.

for the first time in her life, mel's mind is completely quiet.

"mel," he says softly, after a moment.

"melina" she responds. it comes out as a whisper.

"what?"

"my name. my real name. it's melina."

"melina," he says, testing out the name on his tongue.

"you know what?" he says after a beat. "i think i like mel better."

"why?" she blinks.

"i don't know. melina feels. . . when i first learned your name it was mel, and everything i've come to know about you since is mel. you've always been mel to me. i think you always will be."

she swallows. "i like mel better, too."

he pulls away slightly to face her, then. his hands are still on her waist, and even through the heavy fabric of her dress mel can feel the warmth of his fingertips.

"mel, i have to—i have to talk to you."

she blinks. the candlelight recedes from the edges of her vision, leaving them black.

"what?"

she stares at the carnation on his chest instead of his eyes now. she hadn't noticed one of the petals is bruised, laced with broken veins. as tom moves, it breaks free and drifts to the ground to be crushed underfoot.

"there's something i need to tell you."

those words pull at her, hard.

mel freezes, even as the music keeps playing. something crawls down her spine, a shivering shard of ice. her heart jerks forward in her chest, and she swallows hard. her mind is no longer quiet. it is loud and clamoring and screaming.

some part of her knows what happens next. another part of her doesn't know anything at all. but whatever comes next, whatever he's about to say, she's not sure if she can handle it.

and mel is stumbling out of this perfect moment and back into reality, all harsh lines and sharp edges where the sky is dark and the air smells of candle burning. she's reminded that she is nothing more than a stranger in this world. she does not belong, does not deserve this. she is an echo, not a voice.

"i don't—i don't think—"

"mel, please, listen."

without realizing it, she's taken a step back. something flashes in tom's face, confusion and hurt and the shadows of the sunset. she pulls her hand from his.

"i-i have to go," she says.

"what? mel—"

"i'm sorry. i think i should go."

the hollows behind her eyes ache and her chest feels tight. her hands are shaking slightly when she pulls them from his hands and towards her chest. she shakes her head.

and then she turns away. she walks away from him, off the dance floor. she thinks she hears him call her name, but her ears are filled with the roaring sound of her own pulse. she walks quicker and doesn't look back.

she can't be here anymore, in this shining reality full of candlelight and warm palms. she has to escape the emptiness inside her. she has to escape him.

she trips on the edge of her dress suddenly, stumbling forward. there's a horrible tearing noise and the silver fabric of the dress pulls itself apart. mel grabs the hem with shaking hands. it's ruined. ripped apart, like everything and everyone she touches.

and she is ruined too.