nerd nation

i'm leaving for a few days to go to jeb's wedding

i put a fire extinguisher in the hallway, notified all local emergency centers, and left grilled cheese sandwiches and juice boxes for everyone in the common room

please try to postpone your regularly scheduled depravity and stay out of jail until i'm back

did you burn the grilled cheese a little bit just how we like

yes

awww mel

that's so sweet

what are you talking about

you looove us

no i don't

yes you do you don't want anything bad to happen to us

have you seen how much paperwork i would have to do if one of you died

yeah right

psa mel santiago has a heart everyone!!

i think you kind of like us

i would sell you for a mint hector your life means nothing to me

nah i still think you love us

need i remind you all that i keep blackmail files on each of you

and i will not hesitate to use them to my advantage if you continue this

keep threatening them mel

this is excellent material for my novel

ugh not another one

what do you mean

you guys loved the last book i wrote

you said the lord of the forgotten realms was a masterpiece

we lied

what

but it had everything you guys like

magic, explosions, talking animals

right and it also has everything we hate

magic, explosions, talking animals

i for one am actually partial to explosions

hang on did you guys not like a single part of it

i liked the ending

thank you mel

what did you like about it exactly

that it was over

i wrote a book once

Do It Yourself Coffins: For Pets and People

ny times bestseller for four months in a row

y'all better behave while i'm gone

we'll be perfect angels

well now i know something terrible is going to happen

hitomi do me a favor and hide everything sharp and flammable from him

on it

i'm stressed i've never left you guys alone before

i just know something bad is going to happen

i have pre traumatic stress disorder

we'll be fine mel

yeah we'll take care of each other

no decathlon member left behind

wait where's nina

yeah she hasn't said anything this whole time

nina couldn't make it

oh my god did you kill her

what no

are you sure

she's probably just busy

serving satan is a full-time job

there it is

i was wondering how long you would last

shut up ian

wait what's going on

did you remove nina from this convo she doesn't show up as a participant anymore

mel brought grilled cheese AND beef

nothing's going on

then you don't mind if i add her back right

ian added to nerd nation!

i like the zoo

there the snakes stay behind the glass

what the hell mel

*what the mel

i'm serious

you can't just kick me out because i do something you don't like

is anyone else confused

sexually? yes

mel is mad at me because i'm going to seb and june's wedding with tom

no i'm not

yes you are

okay cool it ian this isn't a team effort

i thought you didn't care anyways mel

in fact i'm pretty sure you told tom it was totally fine to take me to the wedding as his date

i don't care i just think it's dumb to take someone you don't even like

aren't you taking arjun

i could like arjun

and tom could like me couldn't he?

oh

does he?

of course not mel

no offense but for someone so smart you can be pretty dumb

uh offense taken

a lot of offense taken

i don't like him and he doesn't like me

we're only going together because of you

what do you mean?

jesus

actually i'm mel

it's a common misconception

mel

you two stress me the fuck out

if one of you doesn't say what you're actually feeling i'm going to lose it

what i'm feeling is attacked

MEL

we're just going together to make you jealous!

wait what

really?

yes you fool

he's only going with me because you're going with arjun

tom is nice and all but he's not my type

which is?

not desperately in love with another girl

he said that?

he didn't have to mel

everyone's known for ages

everyone except you

oh

i don't know what to say

don't say anything just go to the wedding and take care of it

okay but how do i make it look like an accident

i'm not saying murder!

just talk to him and maybe save him a dance

okay

okay i think i can do that

the truth is out (there)