i've tried drafting this caption so many times and i can never really get it right, but here goes: you know those people who come into your life and break everything apart and put it back together in ways you couldn't ever imagine? that's june. five years ago i left a comment on her instagram: 'need a hand?'. it changed my life. well, no. it was june that changed my life. nothing has ever been the same, and i'm grateful for it every day since.

a week ago, she took me to lizzie's roof, got down on one knee, and said 'i need a hand'. i gave her my hand. then she pulled out a ring and asked me to marry her. i said yes. the ring is made out of a piece of seaglass she kept from one of our dates down in santa monica, because it reminded her of the ocean and me and how much she loved both endlessly. she never ceases to amaze me or surprise me and i am hopelessly and irrevocably in love with her. i can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, june harmon.

tagged: juneharmon

changed chunk stuffers to wedding plannners!

wow i just busted such a fat nut

tom sweetie that's not appropriate

gross

can you nut

get it

like can you not

chris give up

we're never going to think you're cool

but i learned to play the oboe and memorized every orchid variety

that's so dope chris

really??

if your targeted audience is in a nursing home yeah

can we focus on what's important here

jeb is getting MARRIED

i can't believe you're talking about orchid varieties

well there are over 30,000 species

CHRIS

right

love

marriage

not the dendrobium anosmum

anus mom yourself

i cant believe we really get to plan jeb's wedding

i'm weepy

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

pt 2

i've genuinely waited for this moment so long

if i don't get to be the flower girl i'm going to throw a fit

because i'm great at throwing things

like petals

chris you're going to be my best man

did i not hint heavily enough

oh chris is the best man

that's cool

mack the knife?

more like back the knife

because you just stabbed me in the back

cool it mackie you're also the best man

HAHAHAHA

choke on that suckers

june let me have two because she's the best

i knew it would make you happy

you make me happy

i love love

i'll give up my position as best man to make this stop

let their love thrive mackie

what about me

i don't get to be a best man??

HAHAHAHAHA

hahahAHAHAHAHA

lmao

good one

oh buddy

we have a special job for you tom

oh good!

you get to collect souvenirs of our wedding after the event is over

wait what

you're on garbage duty

poor kid

let's tell him

i can't stand to see my son in pain

ugh

fine

you get to be a groomsman

WHAT

YES

THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE MY PARENTS AND MY LIFE SO MUCH ILL NEVER TAKE ANYTHING ELSE FOR GRANTED WOW

what about us?

you guys are going to be my bridesmaids obviously

heck yeah

who's choking on it now mackie

that's what she said

nice one rudd

fist me bro

what

like when you pound your fists together

sorry is that not what you say

pound me bro

do any of you hear yourselves when you talk

shut up all of you

there are more important things at play here

i get to be a bridesmaid

this is the best day of my whole life

you told me the best day of your life was when you held your baby niece in your arms

i said what i said

what about mel?

yeah she's been shockingly absent from this conversation

she was supposed to be the maid of honor

was??

i'm still trying to convince her

i didn't tell her i was going to propose

uh oh

two days ago she released a live ferret in my car

i knew it

no you didn't

yes i did i literally wrote it in the list of potentially dangerous things i thought mel was capable of doing to prove to my insurance agent she's a threat to my emotional and physical well being

he just showed me the list

he's not lying

where did she get a live ferret in urban california

aren't they illegal

someone in animal control owed me a favor

she lives

i survive out of spite alone

mel it's been two weeks of torture

i just wanted it to be a surprise

please forgive me and let's plan this wedding

why should i forgive you and not release the badger i have in my room

holy shit

can we all agree i was right about mel

because i love you

and i love june

and we're getting married and we want you there

and i want you there too

don't start tom

the badger is angry and i know where to find you

okay i'm gone

you're my best friend

and you're like the orphaned child i accidentally adopted who terrifies me

we really want you there

okay

i'll come

you'll be my maid of honor?

just like that?

yes

thank you mel i love you

wait that's it

yes

it's not that hard to convince me

is typing...

but also the badger is loose and i have to go

this fic gets more and more unrealistic with every chapter. also people keep messaging me asking if theory is over and the answer is definitely not. the contest is just for fun i still have a good 10 chapters in me