nerd nation

i have good news guys!

it's a trap

mel never uses exclamation marks

no i'm serious

what could you possibly consider good news

what do you mean

you called it "bad news" when i got my casts because my broken legs were finally healed

legs? plural?

i broke both my legs sophomore year

wasn't my fault that time

doing what?

i jumped off the roof of a frat house

are you serious

i was testing a parachute

it was a plastic bag tied around his neck with fruit by the foot

but that was two years ago when i was young and dumb

you did the same thing last week

ah the heartless wench speaks

i am not heartless

i consider certain things good news

it's just that when you got your casts off you lost your handicap permit

which i used to park in the handicap spots

is that why every time we hung out you ran errands

yeah the handicap spot at trader joe's is a+

you're definitely going to hell mel

that's why it rhymes

i'm very curious to know what mel considers good news now

did a new office depot open up

did you make someone cry

did carl sagan return from the dead

*carl sajan

ha

how dare you disgrace his name sajan

and no my candlelit shrine reminds me of that every day

maybe the good news is that hector quit decathlon

i'm still here bitch

damn

stop being crusty for one second so i can tell you the good news

okay what is it

ready?

we're going to nationals!!!

HOLY SHIT

no way!!

we made it??

WE'RE GOING TO CONQUER THE WORLD

THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES WILL BOW AT OUR FEET

oh my god oh my god oh my god

time for a celebratory bonfire!!!!

sajan no

you never let me do anything fun

speaking of which

it's time to calm down

mel this is exciting we don't need to calm down

you need to calm UP

i know this is exciting but it's also serious

we need to get down to business

aw come on mel

sorry but there's not going to be any fucking around this time

right because last time was just a three month long party

i'm serious

we're going to meet 4 times a week

every other sunday we'll hold a practice competition

no one is allowed to bring anything flammable

and i'm banning all alcohol and drugs

seriously mel??

i need you sharp and sober if we're going to win

we would never touch alcohol or satan's vine

you mean the devil's lettuce

exactly no one goes near lucifer's quinoa

you're right forget that weak shit

i know where to get the good stuff

uh oh

no my guy is reputable

he has all his fingernails and only lives under a bridge part time

yup that's a no

i never know where to end these things. anyway here's another healthy serving of nerd nation because i would die for each and every one of my messy children