the golden trio

I'M SO EXCITED YOU'RE COMING HOME

WE'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH

yeah i can't wait to get back and see my cherished loved ones

awww that's so sweet of you

yup

you're talking about the pudding cups you left behind in the fridge aren't you

yup

it seems like you're having a good time in la though

a really really good time

this feels vaguely like a trap

look what was on the world wide web this morning

i don't know where that came from

i, a good christian woman, have never touched a man in my life

well the caption on this photo said you two are "lovers"

i mean super weird word choice but still

you shouldn't believe everything you read on the internet

you mean i didn't really win a cruise to the bahamas????

and there aren't actually any hot singles in your area

sorry buddy

aw that's such a cute picture!

are you going to miss him?

yes

[deleted]

miss who

tom

no why would i

oh i don't know

maybe because you're in love with him but really who knows

ian did you know i can make napalm out of common dish soap and diet coke

don't fuck with me

there's that holiday spirit

speaking of

i can't believe we didn't get to spend the holidays together this year😭

yeah we missed you

aw how was chriskwanzmukkah

the usual

made a some secular cookies

decorated the non denominational holiday bush

sang a lot of carols

1D or ke$ha?

big time rush

nice

sounds like a good time

thank god you're coming back though

things have been so boring around here

i mean there were a couple of fires obviously

and we have a dorm rat named travis now

i lived in the air vents for three days

and maelle lost a toe

but yeah it's been pretty dull

this is why we're on 911's blocked caller list

well usually you're there to be the dorm mom and keep us all in check

i am not the dorm mom

you're right that implies she cares about our wellbeing

plus dorm mom is lame

i'm cool

i'm the dorm cool aunt who lets you ride in her motorcycle sidecar and gives you cash and snorts spinach sticks

for the last time spinach stick is not a term for weed

that's what you said about gram cracker too

also you don't snort weed you smoke it

you shouldn't even know that you heathen

see that's the dorm mom in you talking

ugh how did i even end up babysitting a bunch of twenty one year olds

i didn't sign up for this

yes you did you're one of the RAs

you literally signed up for this

oh right

but only because i wanted to see if a position of authority would make it easier to turn you guys against one another

hah yeah right

remember when you and remy didn't talk for 3 weeks because you each thought the other person ate the last cheese cracker

guess who ate the last cheese cracker bitch

you monster

so mel is a manipulative power hungry war lord

what's new

can you tell that i'm speeding through the holidays as fast as i can so i can get to the real life chapters and the drama i have planned