《Theory [TOM HOLLAND]》THIRTY FIVE
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twitter messages
AHaHaHAhHAHA
THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME
I KNEW YOU LIKED MY BUTT
your butt is gross shut up
THAT WAS SUCH AN UNCONVINCING TEXT
YOU DIDN'T EVEN THREATEN TO RIP ME FROM LIMB TO LIMB
YOU LOOOOVE ME
you have a cute butt
*CUBE BUTT
this is the best day of my life
NO THAT WAS AUTOCORRECT I MEANT YOUR BUTT IS A SQUARE
LEGO LOOKING ASS
isn't that the guy from lord of the rings
LEAVE ME ALONE
CUBE BUTT
*beautiful and flawlessly shaped butt
-mel santiago, on tom holland's assets (2017)
haha ASSets
i hate you with every inch of my being
that's not a lot of inches
neither is your dick
mel you have to stop being so sweet or i'm going to fall in love with you
if you weren't 375 miles away i would string up your entrails on a flag pole
wait did you look up exactly how many miles there are between berkeley and los angeles
no
HA YOU DID
YOU'RE GOING TO MISS ME
no it was to see how far i would be from june
never speak to me again
this is a whole new level to our relationship
i'm thinking we open a joint bank account together
or get his and hers bathrobes
maybe spoon feed each other pudding
send me one more text about our future together and i'll block you
how do you feel about matching infinity symbol tattoos
you can no longer send messages to !
─
incoming call from tom!
or
"did you block me on twitter?"
"i did warn you."
"well, you still answered my call, so in the eyes of the law we are married."
"do you want me to replace all your vital fluids with ranch dressing?"
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"do you want to go to an awards show with me tomorrow night?"
"uh, where did that come from?"
"i'm allowed to bring a guest and harrison has strep throat."
"harrison is fine. i saw him on set today."
"no, he's not—look, i'll put him on—here—"
"..."
"hey, mel, it's haz. i have the flu—ow!—strep throat, so you should go to the awards show with tom."
"hear that, mel?"
"you're getting an award? what is it? worst harmonica player?"
"hey! you did listen to the recording i sent you!"
"yeah, i sent it in to the cia so they can use it to torture suspects during interrogation."
"well, i'm hurt."
"...is that a yes to the awards show though?"
"do i have to dress up?"
"you have to wear something other than your carl sagan pajamas, yes."
"what kind of event is this? sounds like some real bullshit."
"they're going to have a chocolate fountain."
"..."
"see you there."
"awesome! i'll pick you up at eight."
"i didn't know you were legally allowed to drive."
"i'm an adult! this is so unfair! i-"
call ended 4:55 pm
sing it with me kids: 🎶who lives in london and has zero chill—THOMAS STANLEY HOLLAND🎶 (to the tune of spongebob squarepants)
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