private messages

TIME TO WAKE

YOU TRAITOROUS SNAKE

Ha HA HooHOO

WE ARE HAVING WORDS

are you on cocaine

it's 5:34 am

i know i slept in super late this morning

i'm exhausted from last night

just recharge your batteries or plug yourself back in the wall or whatever you it is you do

implying i'm a robot how clever

i can hardly breathe for laughing

you, june berthilde harmon, are a true comedian

not my middle name

be quiet june berthilde

HANG ON HOW DARE YOU???

STOP DISTRACTING ME

from what?

i don't remember now you soggy paper towel

ugh my head feels like a blender

this is why i always go to bed at 8:30 pm

AHOAHO WAIT

sent an audio message!

it's too early for your threatening laugh

that's my normal laugh

anyways i don't give a hoot and a half

we're talking about last night NOW

yeah that's a good idea

why don't we start off with the fact that you ADOPTED A TURTLE WITH TOM

nice try judas

why don't we start off with the fact that

you

kissed

seb

concerned for my safety

WHAYSIOY HWI YOUS GONA DO THAT ANDNWOW TELL ME

concerned for your safety now

was that a stroke

should i call an ambulance or a funeral home

JUNE

listen it's not a big deal

he was drunk and we kissed once and now we're going to forget it ever happened

THE FUCK WE WILL

YOU'RE IN LOVE

HE'S IN LOVE

come on mel

it was just one kiss it's not like we're going to grow old together and die in each other's arms

sorry i could hear you over the sound of me booking a quaint outdoors venue for your wedding

my perfect wedding

which will never happen

june just take a second and think about this

you're stupidly in love with this man and he obviously feels the same

or he drank too many tequila shots last night

seb didn't drink anything last night

what?

he kissed you completely sober

how do you know that you were drunk too

well i kind of wasn't

you mean you hung out with tom and let him hug you and bought that reptile with him completely sober??

don't talk about my son that way

??? ???? ?????

tom and i have joint custody

you're not really going to send that turtle back and forth from london to sf

he's a tortoise

they're the same thing

i was starting to worry about the lack of memes in this conversation

nic is going to need so much counseling

good thing you have such a supportive wife

tom is not my wife

oh yeah?

then how come you assumed i was talking about tom

you text constantly

you've hung out almost every day in la

you literally adopted a pet together

memes can't save you now

we're all staying in the same apartment i know he slept over

kind of like how seb slept in your room last night?

on the FLOOR

plus aren't you seeing tom again tomorrow??

i'm just going to the set

tom hasn't even brought harrison to the set mel

this is a relationship milestone

i always forget what a great sense of humor you have

he's only taking me because i don't care enough about the mcu to leak spoilers

you DonT carE abouT the McU

remind me why we're friends

self preservation

each of your limbs would be on separate continents if you didn't stay on my good side

right

is typing...

can you just admit you like tom

mel

howbow nah

that meme is dead

and soon you will be too

does admitting you like spending time with tom not compute with your programming or something

i don't know what you're talking about

tom drives me crazy

yeah he does

not that way i mean he makes me insane

all he does is smile and pet dogs and cook me pudding

i'm always expecting him to break into song or something

god that sounds awful someone take him away and save you

he's too nice june

what is he hiding

what

what kind of person has no flaws

who is he really

has anyone every told you you can be kind of paranoid

no

who said that

what did they say specifically

mel

what do you want me to say?

that i don't hate tom?

because fine i don't hate tom

i don't hate him or his scrapbooking or his little crooked nose

[deleted]

gee mel that's practically a declaration of undying love

i know i'm getting soft

this is why i hate making new friends

"friends"

you're a terrible liar mel

so are you

$56 says you're out with seb right now

why $56

that's all i have

is typing...

fine we're technically out for lunch

hypothetically

in theory

WHAT

bye!! i have to go on a date with my ex boyfriend!!

read 1:23 pm

JUNE BERTHILDE HARMON YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT

read 1:23 pm

you limp banana peel

read 1:23 pm

vroom vroom bitch i'm hitting the accelerator on every relationship in this fic. prepare for everyone to fall in love at an unrealistic rate