gnomecoming

i'm adding mel don't embarrass me

added to gnomecoming!

no

has left gnomecoming!

added to gnomecoming!

has left gnomecoming!

added to gnomecoming!

i never give up

resistance is futile

hollandaise sauce changed to !

did you give us coordinating contact names

i thought it was cute!

i'm out

what why

you already made me join the infinity war one i've hit my gc limit

i'm not doing this

tom talks about you in his sleep

what the fuck did i just say about embarrassing me jacob

embarrassing tom?

maybe i could stick around a little longer actually

tom sleeps in a hairnet

that's a dirty lie

tom thought ptsd was a menstrual disorder

it's a common mistake

no it's not

i once had to smack an ecstasy tablet out of tom's hand because he was going to eat it because he thought it was a sweet tart

i thought that guy was just really nice and giving strangers candy to brighten their day

tom used to have a crush on the school lunch lady

wow he really does love hairnets

status update: feeling humiliated in my hair net

#exposed

hey nothing wrong with the hairnet

it keeps his curls thicc😩👅💦

ah jacob you never fail to make me uncomfortable

anyways sorry to interrupt my roast but

actually i can't think of an excuse

just stop being mean to me you heartless fiends

sure and i'll also stop breathing air

DAMN

i like her

i like that she's mean to tom

leave me alone i'll do anything

saw off your thumb

what no

bleach your hair

oh my god no not my hair

eat a strawberry

i'm allergic to strawberries

i'll literally die

exactly

i'm not doing that

well i tried to be reasonable

this sexual tension makes me ill

honestly there's even more sexual tension between the two of them than there is between me and tom

i'm into it

mel what would you say if tom asked you on a date right now

nothing i can't talk and laugh at the same time

OH SHOOT

i was feeling chilly but the blistering heat of that roast warmed me right up

is this the police i'd like to report a murder

i've been shot

get fucked you toenail clipping

i WAS going to invite you to the set of infinity war and give you the chance to meet daya and laura...

wait i want to take it back

i suck at apologies so

unfuck you or whatever

let me see my queens

yes!! ily!!

mom who this is true love

don't even play z nothing can beat mom

mom? is that what we're calling this disgusting flirtationship?

my mom gave birth to me but mom gave me life

i think they're cute

tom's existence is like the sun to me

awww

that's sweet

i need him to stay thousands of miles away from me

don't meme me tom😤

you don't own me

don't meme her

okay sorry

cheCHAW

should i ask or will i regret it

it's a whip sound

because he's whipped

what, with all due respect, the fuck

only after writing this did i realize i forgot to put tony revolori in and was too lazy to add him so we're just moving past that. also i have no idea if tom is actually allergic to strawberries my stalking hasn't reached that extent yet sorry