private messages

hey did you know i've got my ion you

whither away you piece of dirty lint

sorry but even if there was no gravity on earth i would still fall for you

stop it you dried out sharpie

but mel you're the higgs boson of my life

without you my universe wouldn't matter

wow never mind tom i'm swooning i'm so attracted to you take me now

well according to newton's law of universal gravitation you actually are attracted to me

did you do research for this

haha what no

i've never been on the internet in my whole life??

i wonder how much plane tickets to london cost

and also where i could buy a spiked mace online

unrelated questions of course

you remind me of a software update

every time i see you i think 'not now'

btw i'm not in london

i'm actually in LA for the next 4 months

and a little birdie told me you're going to be here too in 3 months for decathlon

was this little birdie ian

uh no?

don't hurt him he was just being nice

fine

but only because he owes me $14

you're not as mean as everyone thinks you are you know

yes i am

i've cultivated that reputation over the years don't ruin my hard work

okay sorry

you inspire fear into my heart every day

that's sweet of you tom

yeah i do what i can to keep from being destroyed by you

you know i think this could be the beginning of a mutual tolerance

god look how soft i've become

so what color do you want for your friendship bracelet

whatever color will match the flowers at your funeral

i'm not afraid of you anymore

you would never hurt a friend

let's test out that theory shall we

i'll make your friendship bracelet black then

like your heart

make yours white

like your privilege

i have to go now there's linear algebra hw waiting for me

talk to you later or something

hopefully not though

bye friend

don't call me that

bye associate

nope

bye distant relation with no emotional connection whatsoever

there you go

wow i wish tom holland and camila mendes didn't own my entire existence