private messages

hey want to hear my incredibly nuanced plan with careful attention to detail to get june and seb back together

um nut

yes

great

then let me follow you on instagram

are you blackmailing me

yes i am

this is the first time i've ever been attracted to you

and i'm back that didn't last long

so now that you're hopelessly infatuated with me can i follow you

i am NOT hopelessly infatuated with you

say that ever again and you'll never see your dog again

because i'll have stolen her and she'll be living with me being smothered with kisses and love

[deleted]

did you just threaten to hurt a DOG??

i never thought you were truly evil but now i know you really have no humanity

am i good person?

no

but do i try to be better every day?

also no

well i'm a good person

oh please like you've never done anything wrong

i have literally done nothing wrong ever in my life

"oh i'm tom the morality king i've probably never even set anyone on fire"

yeah right

you did what??

not you too

i swear you accidentally set one person on fire and everyone FREAKS OUT

please don't set me ablaze i just want to follow you

you know what

fine

you wore me down

the sweetest 4 words in the english language

but this better be a damn good plan

it has stages and a super cool name

and a map but that's mostly just for fun

also i didn't buy walkie talkies for this at all

has requested to follow you!

or

started following you!

am i going to regret this

probably

so what's this plan of yours

it's called return of the jebi

you owe me $40 for the desk i just broke by slamming my forehead into it full force

putting the you in grouchy

i'm going to put the ouch in grouchy if you don't silence yourself

i also refer to it as the 3 c's

stage one: communication

stage two: contact

stage three: connection

you sound like a three step program for recovering drug addicts

or a self help book

listen do you want to help our friends fall back in love or not

fall back in love implies they ever fell out of love

that's the spirit

now for stage 1: communication

we're adding you guys into group chat

we're not doing that

don't you dare

added to virginity war!

you cheap rubber car tire