virginity war

why is mel so mean to me

since when do you talk to mel santiago??

i don't

yet

she keeps denying my follow requests on instagram

mel denies everyone you ain't special hoe

it's because mel exists in a state of constant rage

she's like a coral

that's not even close to right seb

yeah that's not a scientific fact at all

it is i read it in national geographic

well you also think the moon landing was faked so

yeah because it was

there's no atmosphere how did the flag fly in the wind

seb no not again

ever since he moved back in with me all he can talk about is conspiracy theories

You Know Who rubbed off on him

june isn't voldemort

we broke up 1 year 4 months and 12 days ago you can say her name

but who's counting right

wait who's mel santiago

june's best friend

my bitter sarcastic hero

uc berkeley theoretical physics major

an angel who was cast from heaven

aw she sounds sweet!

i meant that she's lucifer

remember when she threw a cabbage at your head chadwick

how come i'm the only one who hasn't met mel

we've never met mel either

yeah we basically missed seb and june's entire relationship

because no one put put us in the gc hem hem

i can't tell if he's coughing for emphasis or making a pun out of his own name

but we're not bitter

well i am

you guys never invite me to do fun stuff like produce punting

because you're always too busy

and because you're a little bitch

status update: feeling attacked

idk all i'm hearing is tom is definitely in love with mel

what

YES

THIS IS MY DREAM

you guys would be so cute together

assuming mel has human emotions and isn't hopelessly out of his league

i have to text june she'll be so excited!!

whoa whoa stop

i'm not in love with mel

i don't even know anything about her

You've googled her multiple times, Tom.

i forgot renner texts like it's the 1800s

we can't all be as young and hip as me

*As I. Grammar matters!

shut up you grackle

why are we ignoring the fact that our boy literally looked up mel santiago using the google search engine

i'm not saying that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard someone do to get a girl

but that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard someone do to get a girl

so what if i googled her!

i'm sure everyone here has googled her before

no

no

i haven't

um no

no

nope

never

no

No.

once to see if she had a criminal record

well this is awkward

i missed the old mcu groupchat so here's a new version with chris #2 and ruffalo. i didn't put in boondoggle cumshot or chris pratt because it's just too many people fam i can't do it. i miss having june in there though. maybe i'll just add her in since theory is already turning into sonata: the sequel