Breathing heavy, I sat on the floor in my room with a blood stained T-shirt. I'd just gotten finished handling business with the nigga that shot me and his crew. Everybody wanted to blame Josiah, everybody wanted me to be crazy so I was being exactly that. I was showing them crazy.

"Joey, is that you?" I heard my mom's voice and I stayed silent.

A few moments later, she came into my room and gasped once she saw me.

"Lorenzo!" She screamed for my uncle who was staying the night.

I sat there unfazed as I pulled my loaded gun from my waistband. It was hot since I'd just used it and I planned to use it again in a few seconds.

Lorenzo creeped into the room slowly, looking at me as I gave him a dead stare.

I'm killing this nigga too. I thought to myself.

He said nothing as he looked down at my shirt, taking a few steps towards me. As he did, I held up my gun, pointing it directly in between his eyes. He held his hands up in defense as I threatened to pull the trigger.

Motioning for me to put the gun down, I cocked the gun back, ready to buss it. Still he said nothing as he came closer and closer.

Damn, I can't shoot my unc.

But I really want to. I thought, feeling myself breaking down.

He finally came all the way over to me and took the gun out of my hands. I sat there with no emotion but tears falling from my eyes. I knew I was fucked up, even the girl I loved couldn't love me because of this.

And there wasn't shit I could do to change it.

My uncle sat beside me as he wiped the gun off with a bandana that was in his back pocket. Still he said nothing as we both looked straight ahead.

"Dead?" He asked and I nodded slowly.

"Montana?" He asked and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Fuck no."

"Good." He nodded as we looked straight ahead.

"Get your shit together, nephew. This won't get her back." He said before standing to his feet.

"Bleach. Shower. Trash Bags. Medicine." He named before leaving out.

*

Awaking from slumber, I stretched my body out, looking around my dark room. As my eyes got adjusted to the darkness, I leaned over and grabbed my phone. Seeing that I had a bunch of messages from Josiah, I opened them curious as to what they would say. We hadn't spoken to each other in a week.

Scrolling the new messages in the thread, I saw nothing but videos. He'd sent me a bunch of video messages.

"What the hell?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

Clicking one, I waited for it to load and gagged once I saw what he was doing in them.

"Say hi to the camera, nigga." Josiah's voice rang out from behind the camera as he held his flash in the face an half way conscious guy.

"Why are you doing this?" The guy slurred.

"Man, the love of my life called me crazy. I might as well embrace that shit." Joey laughed crazily, showing the entire angle.

"Oh my god." I gasped, looking at all the blood on the ground.

I then heard him cock his gun back as my eyes went wide.

"No. No. No." I cried.

He then shot the guy over and over, making me throw my phone onto the floor. I couldn't watch it any longer. Tears fell from my eyes as my body shook from the nerves.

"Joey, no." I sobbed, thinking about him going to jail or maybe even worse once this guy's family found out about this. This was only going to end badly and it wouldn't only hurt him but it would hurt everyone around him. Including me.

I sniffed hard, putting my head into my hands.

Why can't he just be normal? I thought to myself.

I hated being insensitive but dealing with him and his rages were so overwhelming. Especially for me because I'm in love with him. I love him but this person, I hated so much.

Tearing me away from my thoughts, my phone began to ring, making me jump. I slowly bent down from my bed to grab it and of course it was Joey calling. I sighed deeply as I wiped my tears and pressed decline. I couldn't be involved with his mess anymore, I just couldn't.

He called again and again and I pressed decline every time. I had to stand my ground. It was the only right thing to do in this moment.

When he realized that I wasn't going to answer, he sent a text instead.

Montana, baby. I'm so sorry for what I sent you and I'm so sorry for hurting you. I take it all back, ma. I love you so much.

Sobbing as I read his message, I began to write the text that I would send back to him.

Joey, please go get some help. I love you too but love just isn't enough anymore.

Can you come outside? I'm outside. I just need to touch you one last time. I'm going to turn myself in but I won't do it if I can't see your face one more time.

Going against my better judgement, I dropped my phone onto my bed and made my downstairs, toward the front door. I stood there for a while, scared out of my mind and sad as ever. I knew that this interaction would be our last one for a long time and I didn't know how to handle it.

"Montana." I heard Joey call from the other side of the door, startling me.

"I'm sorry, baby." He apologized again and I could hear him sniffing hard as if he was crying.

Opening the door, he sat on the staircase and I came outside slowly. He looked straight ahead, saying nothing as I sat beside him on the stairs. He had tears in his eyes but no emotion on his face.

"Joey, you need help with this. You can't do it on your own anymore." I spoke softly and he nodded, biting his bottom lip, leaning over to lay his head in the crook of my neck.

When he did, he began to bawl. He cried so hard that it scared me. In all my years of knowing him, I'd never even seen him like this. I knew that he knew he was in deep this time and he was beginning to regret it.

"You take your medicine?" I asked and he nodded his head slowly as his tears trickled down my neck.

"Do you take back what you sent me now?" I asked and he nodded again.

"You regret killing that man?" I asked and he nodded.

"Was that the guy who shot at you and Kace?" I asked and he nodded, making me sigh.

"I'm sorry." He croaked.

"I know you are, Joey." I ran my hand through his hair.

"And I'm sorry for calling you crazy and making you think you had to go and do that to prove something or to get attention."

"You're better than this and you know it." I expressed and he nodded slowly.

"I hate this side of me. I hate this damn disorder. I just want to love you, Montana. I want to protect you, not hurt you."

"I know."

"And I'm sorry for pulling a gun on you. You didn't deserve that shit, ma. You didn't deserve none of what I did to you."

"Joey, look at me."

"Look at me." I urged as he finally pulled back to look me in my eyes. He looked so sad and I could tell he was remorseful. His remorse made me happy because I knew that the person I loved was coming back to the surface. He was coming back to his reality.

And even after all of this, I couldn't hate him. He was simply like the Hulk in my eyes. He'd get really angry and destroy things but all he needed was love to keep him calm and to bring him back to reality. He needed my love but he also needed his medicine.

"I forgive you, okay? I forgive you.." I repeated. He needed to know that I had no hate in my heart for him. It was simply fear that pushed us apart.

"The only thing I want you to do is get help. You're not crazy, you just have a disorder that makes you act out. It's not all your fault either, I didn't help it by lying to you and I know that I was wrong. Maybe if I didn't lie, we wouldn't be in this space right now. So we're both at fault for some reasons. I just want you to be better, I want you to get better."

"Okay?" I asked and he nodded, leaving a kiss on my cheek.

"Are you hearing me?"

"Yes, Montana. I hear you." He spoke in his soft tone.

"I love you, Joey."

"I love you too."

"Can I show you how much I love you?"

"Just one last time..." He went on and I shook my head.

"Joey, I don't think it's a go-"

He cut me off, kissing my lips and pushing his tongue into my mouth.

A moaned escaped my lips as I put my hand on his chest, knowing that this was wrong but I loved him. I couldn't just walk away from this.

Picking me up, he carried me into the house and laid me on the couch.

"Joey, we cant." I spoke softly, pressing my hand against his chest.

"Stop tryna make me stop, Montana."

Kissing on my neck, he left marks as he glided his tongue up and down.

"I'm gon' eat your pussy, Aight?" He asked for final permission and I simply nodded. I wanted to stop but at the same time I didn't. I couldn't.

Trailing down, he pushed my shorts to the side and then my panties. Pushing his face into my wetness, I gasped as he licked and sucked on me.

"Joey." I moaned, running my fingers through his hair as flicked his tongue, pushing a finger inside of me.

"Shit." He pushed his finger in and out before adding another one.

Scrunching up my face as he plunged his fingers in and out of me, flashbacks from our first time flooded my mind.

"I'm scared, Joey."

"Nothing to be scared of.."

"Except this." He pulled himself out of his briefs, making my eyes go wide. He laughed, seeing the look on my face as I looked down at his gigantic masterpiece.

"I been waiting long for you, Montana. I'm gon' wreck your shit."

"Please don't hurt me." I begged and he nodded.

"I'd never hurt you, ma. If I ever hurt you, I'd have to hurt myself."

Climbing on top of me, he rubbed himself at my entrance as I looked down, watching his every move.

"I'm gon' open you up and then I'm gon' make you mine."

Tears flooded my eyes as he went to work on me, pushing his fingers in and out of me. I released unexpectedly and he cleaned his plate before he came back up to kiss my lips.

"Don't cry." He whispered to me as he watched the tears fall from my face.

He pushed himself inside of me as I looked him into his eyes, gasping softly.

"I'm sorry." He apologized for the hundredth time.

"I'm sorry for doing this to us." He pleaded, placing his head in the crook of my neck.

I moaned loudly as he roughly made love to me. I knew this would be our last time doing this for a while and this would probably be my last time seeing him for a while. I couldn't help but to cry.

"You want me to stop, Montana?" He asked, pulling back to look me in my eyes.

I simply shook my head as I looked down at his long Piece deep inside of me. He continued to push himself deeper and deeper into me as I moaned, enjoying these last moments.

"I love you." We spoke in unison.

*

Awaking from my slumber, I sat up from the couch and looked around for Joey but he was no where to be found. I stood to my feet before noticing a small note and a huge stack of money beside it.

I'm sorry I'm so fucked up, Monty. I want to be a better man for you and for myself. I'm going to do what I have to do to be just that.

I love you so much and when I come back, I'm going to come back better. So that we can start a family and make the best of what we have. And that's you and me. Me and you.

I'm turning myself in so I don't know what's going to happen to me. Just promise to stay the same Montana that I love and hopefully some years from now I'll come home and cherish you like I should've from the beginning.

I don't blame you for lying to me and I understand why it was hard to tell me. I'm kind of glad you did because there was a whole other side of me that'd been hiding for years and I needed to see that side to know that I need to get better.

p.s. Take this money that I left and I better not ever catch you stripping again. You're mine only, baby. Your body's a temple and should only be shared with a person who cherishes it....that person is Me, just saying...

I love you ma.

Putting the note down, I sat there with tears in my eyes. I would miss him and I could only hope that he'd get better and come home to me as soon as he could.

"I love you, Josiah." I said to myself before kissing the letter.

I love you.

*