I would never forget the first real hockey game I ever played. Not the one when I was a toddler and we all barely even knew how to skate and spent most of our time sliding on our knees, but when I was a little older, about ten, I played in my first competitive hockey game. The thrill of it was exhilarating and I remembered feeling nervous only briefly. It was the time I truly fell in love with the game.

The first game I had ever played was ingrained in my mind and it would never go away. I remembered that on my first shift, one of the boys on the other team tripped me and sent me flying down onto the ice. I remembered letting a breakaway happen which resulted in a goal for the other team and how angry my teammate and ex best friend, Micah, was at me. But I also scored the game winning goal which caused my whole team to rally around me, giving me hugs and bumping my shoulder lightly with their fists. I would never forget the look of pride and approval on my mother's face.

It was the first time I truly felt like I belonged somewhere. It was at that moment I knew I was meant to play hockey and I truly felt as one with my team.

On Friday night, I had never felt more nervous to play a hockey game. It was highly unlike me to feel this way, but since I wasn't necessarily feeling as though I was part of the team, the nerves kicked in and my stomach was in knots. As I sat on the bench, fully dressed in my uniform, my leg bounced up and down uncontrollably and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I played with the straps on my helmet in my hands, careful to keep my eyes directed down at my lap while some of the other guys were still changing.

"Listen up boys," Coach Silva gathered our attention, clapping his hands together. "We're going to go out there and play our hardest tonight. You guys have shown me this week in practice that you are ready for this. So let's go out there, and not make any stupid mistakes, and play how you've been playing all week long."

A few of the guys started an excited chant to get everyone hyped, but I couldn't find it in me to join. I would have with my old team. There, I might have even been the one starting the chant. But here, I didn't belong and I wasn't going to draw any unnecessary attention to myself.

We made our way out of the locker room and out onto the ice to skate around for warmups. The team we were playing came out shortly after us, being sure to stay on their side of the ice.

"Elijah," Coach Merton grabbed my attention as I skated by the bench.

"Hm?" I stopped in front of him.

"You and Ian are paired tonight. You're starting," he informed me to which I nodded and skated away.

I figured I would be paired with Ian. Coach Merton had been trying different defensive pairings all week so I had a chance to play with all of them, but there was no doubt that Ian and I were at our best when the two of us were paired.

For some strange reason, Ian and I clicked on the ice. We could read each other better than any other pairing on our team. It was a similar connection I had to my defensive partner on my old team, only this one was possibly even stronger.

When it was time for the game to start, Fox got ready to take the face off at the center dot, with Josh and Alex on the wings. The three of them were a great first line that had amazing offensive strength as well as defensive. Ryan, Jude, and Liam made up the second line of the team.

Fox won the face off cleanly over to Josh who immediately took off toward the goal. I followed and set myself up on the point across from Ian. The puck was batted back to me and I was quick to keep it from leaving the zone. I held onto it for a few seconds before passing it over to Ian, who looked like he would have a better shot than me. Ian sent the puck low through the zone, but wasn't able to get the goal.

Eventually, the puck was passed back to me again and I didn't hesitate to take the shot and bury the puck in the back of the net. Excitement swirled all around me and my teammates gathered around me in a hug. It wasn't probably the first time I had seen Fox and Ian genuinely smile since I got here.

And Fox's smile was something out of a dream.

***

"Good game, boys!" Coach Silva exclaimed in the locker room after we had won. "I'll see you all on Monday."

I quickly changed out of my clothes and headed toward the showers. I wanted to be out of here as soon as possible, but I didn't want to smell when I went out with Trevor and the GSA kids tonight.

I was out of the shower before anyone else had made it in and dried off before putting on some tight fitting sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

"Good game, Ellis," Number 21 said as I stood at my locker, gathering my things.

"You too," I quickly let out in a breathy tone.

"You gonna come out with the team tonight?" he asked, leaning against the locker next to mine.

I shook my head. "I have plans."

I looked up to see Ian was eyeing Number 21 with a slightly suspicious expression, looking as if he was waiting to have to come over and rescue me.

"Shame," 21 said, "Next time then."

"Sure," I replied with a strained smile, tightly gripping my bag.

"By the way, Ellis," Number 21 started, "I wanted to apologize for what I said the other day at practice."

His words surprised me, yet unsettled me at the same time. I didn't trust him enough to believe there wasn't some ulterior motive with him making amends with me.

"Oh," I dumbly replied. "Thanks."

"Yeah, I'm really sorry," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "I didn't even realize it was homophobic when I said it. I swear that wasn't my intention."

I nodded. "It's alright."

"When I said it, I just thought it would make you and the guys more comfortable and that was all I meant by it," he told me sincerely. "But I had a long talk with Fox and he explained to me why it was homophobic and that it made you really uncomfortable and I'm really sorry for that. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with the team."

"You talked with Fox?" I gaped, my jaw slacking and my eyebrows raised. I knew Fox had defended me before, but I never expected him to try to get people to understand what was wrong with their words.

21 chuckled. "Yeah he set me straight."

"Everything alright over here, Corey?" Fox questioned with his arms crossed over his chest and he stood before us.

Number 21, Corey, nodded. "Just apologizing. Sorry again." And with that he walked off over to his locker.

"You didn't have to do that," I told Fox, thought I was grateful he did.

"I didn't do anything, I was just asking–"

"Not that," I cut him off with an eye roll. "I meant make him apologize to me. You didn't have to do that."

Fox just shrugged. "Teams don't work when players are at odds."

I knew that wasn't the real reason he did it, he just didn't want to admit that there was a nice person underneath his rough exterior. I didn't bring that up to him though, I would just let him believe he had me fooled.

***

"Good game!" Trevor exclaimed when I met him out in the parking lot, pulling me into a tight hug.

"Thank you," I chuckled, stumbling a bit.

I was in a noticeably better mood thanks to our win and Corey's apology. I wasn't even dreading going out with the GSA kids like I was earlier. Nadia, Lexa, and Holly all stood off to the side, eyeing Trevor and I, while Johnny and Austin were watching the hockey players as they came out into the parking lot.

"I don't know how you do it, man," Austin said, watching one of my teammates as he walked by. "Some of them are so hot."

I rolled my eyes, releasing Trevor. "Cut it out."

"I'm just saying," Austin turned to me with a smirk. "Here comes that brother of yours."

I looked to where Austin was pointing to see that Josh was making his way over to us. I raised an eyebrow at him in question as he sent a glance toward Trevor before looking back at me.

"Are you going to come with us?" Josh asked me, adjusting his hockey bag on his shoulder.

I shook my head. "I'm going out with them," I replied, pointing my thumb back toward the group.

Josh nodded. "Okay. Will you need a ride later?"

"I might," I said with a shrug.

"I can drive you home later," Trevor piped up kindly, coming to stand beside me and in front of Josh. "It'll be no problem."

Josh gave him a wary look that I couldn't decipher, leaving me wondering why he was being so standoffish toward Trevor. He had never shown this sort of discomfort toward him before.

"Thanks, Trev," I said with a smile, trying to take the attention away from Josh's scrutinizing stare.

"Okay," Josh said, still staring at Trevor. "Be safe. Call me if you need me."

And with that, Josh met up with Fox who was waiting for him a little ways away. Fox let his gaze linger on Trevor and I until Josh reached him and the two of us walked away.

"God, he's so hot," Austin said in an exaggerated tone, clapping his hand down on my shoulder and causing Johnny to let out a loud laugh.

"You're so desperate it's nauseating," Johnny told him with a shake of his head.

"I'm sure Elijah doesn't want to hear you lusting over his brother," Trevor told Austin with an eye roll, turning to face him.

"Step-brother," I clarified. No matter how long I knew Josh, he never felt like my actual brother, so I didn't want to refer to him as such.

The guys ignored my comment as the girls walked over to us with impatient looks on their faces.

"Are you guys going to sit here and drool over the hockey players or can we get going?" Nadia questioned rudely, placing her hands on her hips.

"Where are we even going?" I turned to ask her.

"An LGBT club," she replied nonchalantly, causing me to laugh. She couldn't be serious. However, the look on her face told me she was dead serious and when I glanced at everyone else, they had the same expressions.

"...You're serious?" I wondered in disbelief.

They all nodded.

I shook my head. "I'm not dressed for that!"

Nadia rolled her eyes at me. "It doesn't matter, it's a lowkey place. Nothing wild, you're not ready for that yet."

I looked to Trevor with my eyes bugging out of my head and he placed a comforting hand on my arm.

"It's fun and it doesn't matter how you're dressed," he assured me. "Like Nadia said, it's nothing crazy."

"Can we even get into this place? Aren't clubs 18 plus?" I asked incredulously.

"Not this one, I told you it's lowkey," Nadia responded in annoyance.

I didn't know what to think, so I decided to just go along with it. Although I didn't know them all very well, I knew they wouldn't bring me anywhere outrageous. They weren't the type of people to go clubbing and get drunk every weekend. I appreciated that about them.

"So, are we ready?" Nadia asked, impatiently tapping her foot on the pavement.

"Yes, Nadia. Jesus Christ," Johnny spat, rolling his eyes and walking off toward his car.

Nadia looked as if she was going to run after him and give him a piece of her mind, but Lexa grabbed her arm before she had the chance and placing a soothing hand on her back to calm her down.

"I'm going to throttle him one of these days," she grumbled before she walked off with Lexa and Holly to the car they would be taking.

Austin let out a sigh. "This oughtta be fun."

Trevor gave me a timid smile, motioning me to follow him over to Johnny's car with Austin walking ahead of us. I sat in the back seat with Trevor while Johnny barely waited for us to be in the car before putting it in drive and heading out of the parking lot.

It didn't take long for us to reach the club. It was almost hidden from view of the street as if it were a secret. If you didn't know where to find it, you wouldn't. We made it there a few minutes before the girls and waited on them before heading inside. Nadia wasn't kidding when she said the place was lowkey. It appeared more as a hang out spot than a club. There were pool tables and a dance floor on one side while there were tables and a bar on the other. Most of the people in there appeared to be around our age.

"I told you it was nothing crazy," Nadia said, nudging me on the shoulder, before waltzing over to a table near the back.

The rest of us followed her and pulled up some extra chairs so that we could all fit at the table. I looked around the place and saw that it was pretty busy, but not overly so. There appeared to be many groups like our own around at the tables and a few girls were over at the pool tables.

"So, what do you think?" Trevor asked with a kind smile.

"It's not bad," I replied, looking toward him.

"Only problem is, you have to go to the bar to order shit," Nadia added, rolling her eyes and leaning back in her seat with her arms crossed.

"Do you want me to order you something?" Lexa asked her, looking up from her phone.

Before Nadia could answer, another voice called out to us, causing all of us to look toward the source.

"Hey guys," a small, blonde haired girl said as she walked over to our table with a few other people.

"Hey, Claudia," Trevor greeted kindly. My eyes widened when he said her name.

Claudia, as in Fox's ex girlfriend.

"Were you guys at the game earlier?" she asked, resting her hand on Trevor's chair.

Trevor nodded enthusiastically. "Elijah plays."

Claudia turned to me with wide eyes and a look of approval.

"We haven't met yet," Claudia stated, "I've heard about you."

"You have?" I asked incredulously. I could also say the same about her, but I wouldn't.

"Of course," she replied with a nod. "You're supposed to be some hockey God like Fox. Everyone's excited about you, even if they don't show it."

Her words did little to comfort me or make me feel more welcome. I knew the reason people weren't showing their excitement about me was because I was gay. I was sure if I was some straight guy, I would be getting all the praise like Fox does.

"Anyway, just wanted to say hi," Claudia said, directing away from me and to the group. "By the way, cute top, Holly." Claudia winked at Holly before walking away, leaving Holly to stare at her with a longing look as she left.

"When are you going to get with her?" Austin asked Holly, snapping her out of her daze. Holly's face heat up and she looked down at the table to hide her obvious blush.

"She doesn't like me like that," Holly murmured timidly.

"I'm confused," I interjected, "I thought Claudia dated Fox?"

Nadia rolled her eyes. "Bisexual people exist, Elijah."

"So Claudia's bisexual?"

"That's what I just said, isn't it?" Nadia sarcastically replied, standing up from the table. "I'm going to order something."

Lexa got up and went with her while the rest of us stayed at the table. Austin sparked up a conversation, but I couldn't focus on it. I couldn't help but glance over at where Claudia danced around with her friends and wonder what went on with her and Fox.

**