I woke up on Monday morning to my father's voice yelling at someone over the phone. My father wasn't a strict man and I had rarely ever heard him yell, so I couldn't think of anything that would make him raise his voice.

"You gave up that right when you tossed him out like he was nothing!" I heard Dad yell, causing confusion to ripple through me.

I stood up from my bed and tossed a shirt over my head before speedily bounding down the steps. When I entered the kitchen, Josh and Mindy were sitting at the table in silence while my father was in the next room on the phone.

"What's going on?" I asked in whisper, resting my palms down on the table and taking a seat across from Josh and Mindy.

Mindy sent a skeptical look my way as if she knew the answer to my question, but didn't want to tell me.

"Elijah..." she trailed in a motherly tone. "Your father's on the phone with Susan."

Susan. My mother. Right.

I narrowed my eyes and turned toward the room where my father resided. He continued his yelling match on the phone with my mother, seeming to have forgotten there were other people in the house. Less than a second later the yelling stopped, and Dad came fuming into the kitchen. His angry and disgusted face softened as soon as he saw me.

"I'm sorry I lost my temper and you all had to hear that," Dad apologized, seeming to be ashamed by the way he acted. He looked to me for a response along with Josh and Mindy.

"Why'd she call?" I asked, my voice coming out softer than I intended.

Any discussion about my mother was still a sore spot for me. I had lived with her for seventeen years, and believed she truly loved me, yet she shunned me the second I revealed who I truly was. The mere thought of the way I lost my relationship with my mother was enough to send a sharp pang through my heart.

"Let's not talk about that right now," Dad suggested softly, sitting beside me at the table. "You have to get ready for school."

Although I was dying to know what she had to say, I nodded in agreement with my father which caused him to place a comforting hand on my shoulder. I didn't want to argue with him or force him to tell me. I knew he wanted to keep me in the dark to protect my feelings and I appreciated him for it.

No one spoke of my father's yelling for the rest of the morning. Josh and I got ready for school and met each other out in the driveway. We both got in our respective seats and Josh began driving toward school.

"You know I meant to say this to you before," Josh started, "but if you ever need to borrow the car, you can."

I was surprised at Josh's words and turned to face him with my mouth slightly agape in shock.

"But this is your car," I tried reasoning.

"It's technically Dan's and you're his son, so..." Josh trailed, looking at me briefly before turning his attention back to the road.

"Well, thanks," I replied awkwardly, scratching the back of my neck. "But I doubt I'll ever need to borrow it. I don't really have anywhere to take it."

Josh just shrugged, dropping the matter, and the two of us spent the rest of the ride to school in silence. We shared brief parting words once we made it to school, Josh walking off toward his hockey friends and me walking alone to my locker.

After retrieving my things from my locker, I headed to my first period class a few minutes before the warning bell. The teacher wasn't even in the room when I arrived, but I still scurried to my seat and plopped my earbuds in my ears as I sat down.

I couldn't help but think of what my Mom and Dad had spoken about this morning. It was obviously about me, but I couldn't think of a reason as to why my mother would call to talk about me. It wasn't like she could call me herself. When she kicked me out, she shut off my phone service and my father got me a new phone and number when I moved in. I was grateful for that since now none of my old teammates could cyber harass me.

The warning bell rang and soon after the class began to fill with students. Nadia and Lexa walked in hand in hand and briefly greeted me before taking their seats. Ryan and Jude each gave me a nod of acknowledgement as they walked in behind Fox and Ian and took their usual seats at the back of the class.

No matter how hard I tried, I wasn't able to focus during the English lesson today. I zoned out so bad that Nadia of all people had to nudge me to pull me out of my thoughts.

"Rough morning?" Nadia wondered as we walked out of the room at the end of class.

"Kind of," I answered with a shrug.

Lexa pulled Nadia along in the direction of their next class while I turned to head to my own.

I had a feeling I would have troubling focusing for the rest of the day.

***

No matter how unfocused I could be in my academics, nothing kept my attention off of hockey. Since today was our first real practice as a team, I knew I still had to impress. I knew Fox would be watching to ensure I was playing "like a champion."

Getting changed in a locker room full of guys never used to faze me, but since coming out, it had been an awkward experience. Usually the straight guys were worried about the gay kid sneaking a look at them as they changed, but from my experience, I was the one getting stares. A lot of the guys kept their eyes on me as if they were making sure I wasn't going to watch them. None of the guys on the team had been outwardly homophobic toward me, but I could tell by the wary looks I was receiving that they were uncomfortable around me.

I changed quickly and practically sprinted out of the locker room, being the first one out on the ice. Coach Silva and our assistant coach, Coach Merton, came out onto the ice shortly after I did, followed by Fox a few moments later.

"Afternoon, Ellis," Coach Silva greeted with a nod.

I nodded back. "Good afternoon, sir."

Soon enough, the rest of the team trickled out of the locker room. Once the whole team was present, Coach Silva blew his whistle and motioned for everyone to meet him at center ice. I noticed how none of my teammates stood too close to me, one even went as far as moving away when he saw that I was next to him. I didn't want to let that action sting, but I would be lying if I said it didn't.

Coach Silva spoke animatedly to the team about the season, effectively hyping everyone up. Everyone except me. I found it hard to be happy while we weren't playing hockey. Once practice actually started, I wouldn't let the dismissal of my teammates get to me because while we were playing none of that mattered and I was sure the rest of the guys understood that as well.

Thankfully, we started on drills soon after Coach Silva's speech. I was paired with Ian, like I expected to be, for our defensive drills. I was glad when the two of us appeared to actually work quite well together. At least he wasn't letting his distaste for me affect the way he played.

Throughout practice we did tiresome drills, leaving the entire team huffing and puffing by the end of it. To end practice, Coach Silva broke us off into two teams for a brief scrimmage. My team included Ian and Josh while Fox, Jude, Ryan, and Alex were on the other team.

Coach Merton was responsible for our team and pulled us over to crowd around him as he formed his two forward lines and defensive pairings.

"Ian and Elijah, you two are paired and you're starting," Coach Merton announced, pointing his pen at us.

The game was underway when Fox and the starting center from our team took the face off at the center dot. Fox cleanly won the puck and passed it over to Jude who was waiting behind him. I sprung into action and barreled over to Jude.

Fox's team was quick to score, but a few moments later, I was able to score for my team from the blue line. Josh came over and patted my shoulder as the two of us made our way to the bench to let our second line have their shift.

When I got back out on the ice, it didn't take long for someone to shove me roughly into the boards as I tried to gain control of the puck. I was hit with so much force that I fell against the boards and Coach Silva obnoxiously blew his high pitched whistle as he quickly skated over to me.

"Are you alright, Ellis?" he asked worriedly, bending over with his hands on his knees.

I groaned, but nodded anyway, getting myself back up onto my skates. The hit rattled me, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Once Coach Silva saw that I was okay, he turned around to our onlookers with a glare on his face.

"That was boarding, two minute penalty," he said in an authoritative tone, looking straight at the player who hit me.

"It was a clean hit!" he argued with wide eyes.

"It was a hit from behind," Fox interjected with a look of annoyance. "And it was unnecessarily rough. I would give you four minutes in the box if it were up to me."

I wasn't all that surprised to hear Fox's words. He knew the game well and he wanted it to be played fairly, of course, he was going to be against the hit even if it was done by someone on his team.

The player, number 72, rolled his eyes and started toward the bench, muttering something under his breath.

"Excuse me?" Fox questioned loudly, eliciting a look of confusion from Coach Silva.

"Nothing," Number 72 muttered, looking back at Fox.

"Really? Because I swore I heard you say something about that fairy. Or was I just hearing things?" Fox shot back rudely.

I let out a sigh and began skating toward where the rest of the team was near the benches. Fox and the two Coaches looked angrily at Number 72 as he looked down at the ice in shame.

"We will not have that sort of talk on this team," Coach Silva announced seriously.

"Does anyone else have anything they'd like to get out in the open about that fairy?" Fox spat angrily. "This is your only chance. Let's clear the air now."

I didn't want to stand here and listen to any of the bad things people were going to say about me, but I had a feeling that I had no choice. Fox was confrontational and he was going to make people say what they had to say and humiliate them for it so they wouldn't think about saying it again. That was just the way he was.

"Some of us were just thinking," Number 21 began, standing beside 72, "Maybe he should use the girls locker room? No offense, but it might just be better that way. We won't be uncomfortable and neither will he."

I was mortified by his suggestion and looked down at the ice to hide the tint of my embarrassment. Coach Silva began to say something, but Fox stopped him.

"Does Ellis look like a girl to you?" Fox asked. I could hear the venom in his tone and I didn't have to look at him to know that he was furious.

"Well, no–"

"Then why the hell would he use the girls' locker room?" Fox questioned rhetorically. "I can't believe you thought about it, said it out loud, and thought it was intelligent. That's probably one of the stupidest things I have ever heard."

I didn't look up from my skates, still too embarrassed to look at any of the guys' faces. I wished Fox had just left it alone, but he wouldn't and never would any time something like this happened. As captain, he had sworn to protect and represent all of his teammates, and he took that seriously.

"Whether you guys like it or not, Ellis is part of this team," Fox continued. "So trying to injure him isn't acceptable and any homophobic comments you have are to be kept to yourself."

I finally looked up and noticed that no one's eyes were on me. Fox had everyone's undivided attention, even Coach Silva and Merton.

"Let's end it here boys," Coach Silva announced after a few moments of silence. He glanced over at me briefly before addressing the team. "I want you all acting like a team by tomorrow afternoon or there will be hell to pay."

That was enough to send the team scurrying toward the locker room. I stayed behind, letting everyone go ahead of me. I didn't even want to enter the locker room while the rest of the team was in there, but I knew I couldn't keep Josh waiting. Keeping my head down, and my eyes glued to the floor, I entered the room. Most of the guys seemed unfazed by what had just happened, talking about random things, but I wasn't. Inherently knowing that some guys on the team were uncomfortable with my sexuality was one thing, but having them outwardly express it was something I was hoping I had gotten away from when I fled my old school.

What had just happened caused me to feel uneasy and slightly unsafe for the first time since arriving at Pine Valley. My stomach was in knots and all I wanted was to be out of this locker room, but I was too afraid to move from my spot on the bench where I had sat down, staring at the floor.

Most of the guys went to the showers, leaving me alone in my row of lockers. I quickly stripped off my equipment and changed into my clothes, opting for taking a shower at home instead of in the locker room. I hated putting my clothes on while I was still sweaty from practice, but no one could pay me enough money to get into that shower with the rest of the team.

Fully dressed, I sat back down on the bench and waited for Josh. He didn't take too long and soon enough, the two of us silently made our way out to the car.

Josh broke the silence when we were a few minutes away from the school.

"Are you okay?" he asked me softly as I looked away from him out the window.

"I don't want to talk about it," I muttered, leaning my head against the window.

"I'm sorry, I–"

"Josh," I cut him off, "I don't want to talk at all."

He didn't say anything after that. I could tell he felt bad about what happened and he probably even felt bad about not stepping in. I didn't expect him to. I knew Josh wanted to stand up for me, but he didn't want to alienate any of his teammates either. It was a battle he was going to have to face and I wasn't going to hold my breath in hopes of him choosing me over them.

When we got home, I instantly got in the shower without saying a word to my family who was sitting down in the living room. I didn't have the energy. After my shower, I put on some clean boxers and sweatpants before throwing myself down on my bed.

I knew I didn't fit in anywhere at Pine Valley, but I had this false hope that once I was on the hockey team I would fit in there. Obviously, I couldn't have been more wrong. Hockey was the one thing that I knew I belonged in and I wished that I had that same sense of belonging with my team.

But I didn't.

And I hated it.

**