"I want to thank you all for a wonderful semester. If you have any questions please feel free to email me, I will be answering questions up until the night before the final exam."

The packed room of students who showed up to my final review all clap as I flick to the final slide of my powerpoint. I spot Ryder clapping with the students; he is leaning against the back wall. Normally he would sit but every single seat is full and a few people have even resorted to sitting on the floor.

Students come over to me and begin to thank me and ask me questions but I can see Ryder from the corner of my eye snaking through the crowd. "Thank you again Francesca, you're seriously the only reason I am not going to fail my first semester of college."

"Of course," I say just as Ryder stands behind me and wraps his arm across my chest holding me against him. I feel him kiss the back of my head as I relax against him." Feel free to email me anytime and good luck on the final."

The girl nods and walks off to meet her friends waiting for her. They all giggle when they reunite and I turn around to scold Ryder. "Do you always have that effect on women?"

"And some men," he adds nonchalantly.

I don't dignify him with an answer as I turn back around and talk to a few more students. When the room is finally empty I grab my backpack and we walk to Ryder's car. We are meeting my roommates and all the other boyfriends at Pickles for happy hour and studying. I will be skipping the drinks after the disaster that was Monday but am still going to sit with everyone and study.

"Question?" Ryder asks as he opens my car door.

"Answer," I reply.

"Uh, well Monday you said something and I am trying to be better about communication but you were drunk so I don't know if it is even worth asking about but again trying to be better so I just thought maybe I should bring it up..."

"Ry," I interrupt his nervous rambling. "Say it babe."

Ryder smiles a little at the term. He calls me babe way more than I call him babe but whenever I do use it the corners of his lips tip up into a quick smile. "Well, you said you want to marry me and.. I don't know; I don't know why I am bringing it up now."

"Does that scare you?" I ask, trying to gauge his reaction. Sober Francesca never brings up marriage or serious things like that because frankly we just started dating but also I think I am scared. I am scared his parents have ruined him so badly he never wants to get married. Not that I could blame him but also not something I want looming over my head, for now I just want to enjoy the ignorant bliss.

"A little bit," he admits. He sits in the dark car squeezing the steering wheel. My heart sinks but I think deep down I knew Ryder probably was going to say this. "I want to be a good husband but I'm just worried. I didn't exactly grow up seeing a healthy marriage to go off of. "

"What,? I choke. "You want to get married one day?"

"Yeah? Oh fuck don't tell me I read that wrong too," he groans smacking his head into the steering wheel.

"No, no Ryder, you idiot of course I want to marry you. I just I wasn't sure if you would ever want to, given everything you experienced. But you mean that? You want to? You aren't just saying that to placate me, right?"

Ryder laughs as he leans over the center counsel and kisses me. "Of course I mean it Beck, I want to marry you one day. Am I terrified? Absolutely. But I also know that I will have you so even if I am not perfect or make mistakes you will help me. I want you to have the life you always dreamed of and I want that dream to include me."

"It does," I whisper before climbing onto his lap and kissing him. I hold his face between my hands as I nip his bottom lip. He smirks in return as he slaps my ass and then kneads it with his hands.

A soft moan escapes my lips as Ryder pulls me forward rubbing me against the very prominent boner in his pants. My fingers dig into his shoulders, likely leaving little indents, causing him to groan as we desperately try to get as much contact as possible in the small car.

By the time we finally break apart the windows of the car have completely steamed up. "Fuck," Ryder laughs as I lean back against the steering wheel still in his lap.

"Does that fully answer your question?" I tease as I finally crawl back into the passenger seat.

Ryder starts the car finally with a huge grin on his face now. "I think I am picking up what you are putting down."

"Cheese ball," I grumble. Ryder will be a great dad one day, he is already full of the lame dad jokes and one liners. "Question?" I blurt before I can chicken out. I want to know the answer to this question before I get my own hopes up. Marriage is not the same as wanting kids, that I understand.

"Answer," he replies, still riding the high from our kiss.

"Do you want kids?"

Ryder looks at me, clearly having not expected that question. His smile slips as I try to keep a neutral expression, I want his honest answer not what he thinks I want to hear.

"I don't really know. Honestly in theory it sounds nice and I want that happy family with the kids and the dog and the nice house but I refuse to bring kids into this world if I am not 100% sure they will never grow up the way I did. Sometimes I lose my cool and yell at you. I just don't trust myself, at least not yet. Maybe one day? I mean it isn't off the table but yeah." Ryder lets out a sad sigh and I grab his hand.

I mull over everything Ryder says, not rushing to answer. I don't think he is anything like his parents, though I do agree he can sometimes snap and take it out of me. Ryder is scary when he yells but I can handle him, but I agree that is not something I would ever subject a child to. I also have only seen Ryder mad a few times but kids are different, they can be stressful and really get under your skin. Personally I still think Ryder would be a great dad but I fully understand why he is scared and I want to give him an answer that validates those feelings.

"You know if you are worried about all that maybe you could go to therapy and talk to a professional? Not that you can't talk to me or that I think you're broken or a mess but therapy is good, it is healthy. Freshman year I went for a while. It helped me being so far from home."

The rest of the car ride is silent. I know that I alone can't help him heal from his childhood and ultimately that is what he needs before we ever really seriously talk about marriage or kids. Dating in college is one thing, honestly it is pretty easy; but life is about to get real for both of us soon.

"Beck?" Ryder says timidly as we park in the parking lot.

"Yeah Ry?"

"What if I am just like them?"

"You aren't and never will be," I tell him sternly.

"Promise?" he asks softly. Ryder is not a small guy but right now the sad scared look on his face makes him look so much smaller. Like a little kid scared of the dark.

"I swear on the ladies. Babe, the fact you're worried about being like them is already proof you aren't and never will be."

Ryder seems satisfied with that answer as we both climb out of the car. He tucks me under his arm protectively and my heart races at the little gesture. The way he so naturally does things to keep me safe, things I don't even think he realizes he does. Those small things are all the proof I need to know who he is deep down. He is still worried that one day a switch is going to flip and he is going to turn into a monster like the people who raised him, but I don't hold that same fear.

"Hey," Alex greets as we walk in. As always he is the first one here but this time he isn't alone.

I detach myself from Ryder who is standing at the bar with Alex and run over to Maya. "You have your 'I just got railed' hair." I point out with a huge smile.

"Shut up, holy shit, Fran," Maya whisper yells as she covers my mouth with her hand. Well, whose fault is it she showed up with her hair like that.

"Are you dating?" I probe as Maya stares at Alex who is leaning against the bar looking more comfortable in his skin than I have ever seen him. He is no longer fidgety and nervous when Maya is around and that change shows exponentially.

"Yes, he just asked but don't be weird Fran."

I squeal and hug her before abandoning my backpack at our table and running over and hugging Alex. He looks confused along with Ryder but I dart back to Maya without explaining myself. "Finally! Maya, oh my god!"

"Stop," she blushes but I can see the huge smile on her face that she can't hide no matter how hard she tries.

"So, is it true?" I ask with a knowing look as Parker throws his stuff down on the table and joins our conversation.

"What true?" he asks, trying to catch up on the conversation.

"What they say about," I flick my head toward Alex who is smiling with his friends, none the wiser to our conversation.

"Oh it was a gross, gross understatement. Guys I think i found out the meaning of life and holy shit it starts and ends with Stans huge-"

"My huge what?"

We all go dead silent as the boys all join us. "Your huge heart," Maya smiles sweetly and I think Alex is going to propose right on the spot with the look he is giving her.

"If by heart you mean his giant dick, yeah Maya we've all seen it," Bray says ruining the cute moment.

Parker turns to his boyfriend, eyes wide. "I was your first gay experience, why do you know what another mans dick looks like?"

"Hockey," the three hockey players say in unison with a shrug.

I look up at Ryder who just winks at me. The table stays silent for a minute while everyone tries to figure out what to say next. But before anyone has to fill the awkward silence Luna and Tristian arrive and join us.

We all catch up for a little bit, Maya and Stan fill in the rest of the table on their new relationship status and then we all begin doing our work. We work for a while quietly, someone orders chips and salsa for the table, and a few people grab drinks from the bar. By 10pm after nearly an hour of working we all start to get fidgety.

Luna returns with a stronger drink and shuts her textbook. "Get that away from me Luna," I warn feeling a wave of nausea rush over me at just the mere smell of the drink.

"Poor Beck," Ryder coos momentarily looking up from his computer as I push the drink away from me with a pen. "Did you traumatize yourself Monday?"

"Yes," I deadpan. Monday is a blur and a good bit of Tuesday. I know Ryder choked some guy who attempted to dance with me and that Luna kicked a football player in the shins. I also know that I ate a burger, 9 wings, and 2 slices of pizza and then promptly puked all of it up in the first floor bathroom at hockey house. Maya broke a heel and fell into the mud so Alex carried her home like a gentleman. Tristian questioned the value of his life again after Luna nearly got him beat up, again. And Parker and Bray reignited the prank wars but this time nothing is off limits since everyone's season is over.

"I'm bored," Bray whines as flings his flashcards on the table. Maya caps her pen and closes her sketchbook while agreeing with him.

Ryder gets a wicked grin and Bray locks eyes with him and nods.

"What?" I ask as Alex pinches the bridge of his nose.

"We are juniors in college, are you serious you two?" I guess Alex is the only one in the loop right now.

"Normal rules?" Ryder asks Bray, ignoring all of us.

"What?" Tristian asks. I have to say he has come out of his shell more lately with the other boyfriends around, it has been really nice to see.

"Only on campus," Bray confirms.

"Will you two fucking assholes fill the rest of the table in," Luna demands.

"Tag, they want to play fucking tag," Alex says. "They do this randomly and get the whole house involved. The rules are normal tag and the boundaries are the limits of campus. If you step off campus you become it automatically."

Ryder places his hand on Luna's shoulder and she looks at it with pure disgust. "Tag Lulu, you're it."

Luna tries to lunge over me but Ryder and Bray are already sprinting away. Luna turns to all of us and then lunges toward me. "We aren't on campus," I defend.

Quickly we all gather our stuff and pile into Alex and Ryders cars to head to campus. We all stand in the dead middle of campus at 10:30pm on a Wednesday on the last week of our junior year of college, all staring each other down.

"Count of three," I warn as we all begin backing away.

"One," Maya counts nervously.

"Two," Parker laughs, knowing he can easily outrun Maya at least.

"Good luck," Luna sings in an evil voice, her eyes already locked on Ryder.

"Don't need it," he says confidently.

"Children," I warn. "Mindful of his ribs."

"Should we be playing with him hurt?" Alex asks, remembering that just 2 and a half weeks ago we were all at the hospital because of Ryder. Likely not Alex but there is no stopping them now.

"My life was so much simpler before the hockey players invaded," Tristian sighs but his eyes are dancing with excitement. He looks alive and young, something no one in our group really ever experienced. All of us have been so involved in hockey or figure skating, or for Maya fashion, for so long we let our childhood fly by while we perfected our craft.

"Three," Bray shouts and we all scatter. I hear manic laughter and Maya screaming in part fear, part joy. I sprint off but right next to me matching me stride for stride is Ryder. We sprint through the darkness of campus, our laughs filling the air, side by side. Always side by side.