I haven't heard from Francesca in two days and its fucking killing me. I haven't stopped trying to reach out but still no answer. Plus, to make matters worse it seems my fuck up has caused tension between Parker and Bray which is the absolute last thing I wanted. My best friends finally is in a happy relationship and besides ruining my own life I ruin his too? Wonderful, I have finally firmly secured my place in hell I see.

"Sof, if I drop you off at Becks will you convince her to come talk to me?"

The smallest of the rats looks up at me then scurries off to the edge of the bed to play with a paper towel roll Stan brought up for them this morning.

"Great, even my rats don't love me," I sigh as I try to reach for Penelope without seeing stars. The hospital's good drugs wore off Monday and the shit I was prescribed doesn't work as well. They take the edge off so I can breathe without being in excruciating pain but don't ask me to take a deep breath because I might pass out.

I check my phone for a text that doesn't exist waiting for her name to pop up on my phone like this is all a nightmare. I hate that she is upset and I am the cause and I hate even more that this is all happening just days before her final competition. She has worked too hard for me to distract her and knock her off her game.

Fuck it, I need to fix this.

It is Tuesday which means I know exactly where she is right now. Her class gets out in an hour which gives me plenty of time to drive to campus and wait outside her classroom. "Girls, wish me luck," I say as I kiss the rats on their heads before I put them back. I am going to need all the luck I can get and every god imaginable to salvage this mess I have created. I will take whatever pathetic crumbs Francesca will give me as long as I can still be a part of her life.

Getting to school sounded a lot easier in my head. The house has been bringing me food and I haven't showered in a few days so most of my day has been spent laying in bed not moving. Moving really hurts, especially walking down stairs but driving might be worse. Whatever, I just need to push through and find her, force her to talk to me. Like Bray said I can't give up.

I wait outside her class trying to stop from nervously fidgeting. My eyes are trained directly on the door as people begin to walk out. I really hope she doesn't try to run from me because I am stupid enough to chase after her despite the pain.

Slowly the room begins to empty and I watch carefully as students file out. Luna, Parker, and Maya walk out of the classroom and stare at me. Francesca isn't with them as they all move closer to me. Luna is leading the way while the other two stay behind her. She must say something to them because they all stop and then Maya and Parker leave, walking in the opposite direction.

"She isn't here," Luna says matter of factly once she is a few feet from me.

"I gathered that much." I adjust my hat with one hand using my left arm to hug my side as I attempt to stand up. "I don't suppose you'd want to tell me where she is?"

"Not particularly. Honestly, just give her space for a while, that is all she wants. Not to air out my best friend's business to you but she thought something different was going on between you two than apparently actually is." Luna is giving me a look that I am surprised doesn't kill me. The hate she has toward me for what I did to Francesca is written clearly across her face.

"But it's not different," I groan in frustration. "I am just stupid and panicked all night overthinking what I said. I mean what was I supposed to do when she didn't even say it back."

"Excuse me," Luna cuts me off. "She didn't say it back?"

"No," I say, getting quiet.

"You are both morons, I swear to god."

"Thanks Luna," I deadpan, rolling my eyes at her.

"I am still not telling you where she is but I know you already know."

"The rink?"

Luna nods before pulling my arm over her shoulder so I can lean on her. "Let me help you to the car."

Luna helps me to the car filling me in briefly on how Francesca is still really upset from Sunday. She hasn't been sleeping, she has been really cranky, and her skating has been off. Guilt rips through me as she talks.

"If you don't fix this, they will never find your body Carson," she warns after helping me into the car.

"Promise Lulu," I tease, needing to break some of the suffocating tension.

She smiles despite her hatred of the stupid nickname I gave her just to piss her off. "Go fix this and bring our girl back asshole, I miss her."

"Me too," I agree as she shuts my door and walks away. I drive to the rink feeling anxious the entire drive. Pain pushes to the back burner as guilt and nerves move forward taking over my body.

When I walk into the rink some sad song is blasting through the speakers, definitely not Francesca's competition song. I am almost sure it is Taylor Swift but I am not 100% sure.

I continue to walk toward the ice leaning against the bleachers just out of view of her. She is fucking stunning as always. She twirls across the ice effortlessly while singing the lyrics to herself.

"Come on, come on, don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out something's gone terribly wrong you're all I wanted," she sings with her eyes closed. She isn't doing her usual jumps, just simply skating around as the song fills the air.

I don't miss the meaning of the song as I watch her. She thought she had me, had us figured out after I told her I loved her and then I went and pretended like it never happened. But she does want me that much is clear, or at least she did want me. She is stubborn and strong and independent; she isn't my mother who will roll over easily. I think that is part of why I fell for her. She knows her worth and will receive nothing less.

Her skating grows in intensity matching the song. She begins to do a few jumps, just easy ones that I have seen her do millions of times. But no matter how many times I have seen her do them my heart stops until her feet are back on solid ground.

I can see her emotions growing, she is losing that usual calm grip she has on the ice. My chest constricts watching her, what the fuck did I do to her. I fucking love, her how could I hurt her like this? Francesca is the first person to care about me, not me the hockey player, just me. She saw me as a person, she cared about my feelings, she took the time to listen to me. Not to say my friends and my teammates don't care about me but if I quit hockey tomorrow Francesca would be right there for me the entire time. I would mean as much to her as a Chemistry teacher at some shitty high school as I would as an NHL player. My worth to her was based not on hockey but on me as a person.

I focus in on Francesca as she attempts a quad lutz, something she's been working tirelessly for months to land consistently but just hasn't gotten there yet. I know she will soon, it is only a matter of time. I watch her take off and time slows down. It is clear from the second her feet leave the ice her take off was bad and there is no way she can land on her feet.

As I predicted, she lands in a heap on the ice and suddenly I am running toward the door to get to her. Pain no longer exists, at least not physical. I need to get to her and the fact she doesn't get up right away has my heart in my throat. Now I get how she felt when I went down. It is a horrible feeling. Me getting hurt is one thing but her, I can't even think about it.

I drop down on the ice as she lets out a choke sob. I carefully grab her and pull her toward me looking her over to see if there are any visible injuries. "Francesca what's wrong? Are you ok?" I frantically ask as she cries harder.

"It hurts," she chokes out as a new fear washes over me.

For me to never play hockey again would seem like a great loss but really a million more guys just like me will come along through the years, I am nothing special. But if something happened to her, if she never skated again it would be the biggest loss imaginable to the skating community. No one quite like her will ever put on the skates again. Not seeing her reach her full potential would be the sickest, cruelest joke the universe could ever play.

"What hurts, where Francesca?" I ask, gently adjusting her so I can try to find the injury myself as she continues to cry.

"Here," she whimpers pointing to her chest. I relax a little as I realize she is not physically injured. Thank fucking god. "Fix it," she whines looking up at me with tear filled eyes.

"How?" I ask as I wipe away some tears off her cheek.

She leans her face into my hand as the tears begin to slow. She doesn't answer right away instead she leans her head against my chest as I cradle her against me. The cold ice is soaking through my jeans but I am so warm I barely notice. She sets my entire body on fire just from being close to me. It is dangerous for one person to have so much control and effect over another but I am glad she has it over me.

"I love you," I whisper, breaking the silence after a few moments.

She looks up at me with the same shocked expression as last time. "I won't pretend I forgot I said it this time. I never want to pretend ever again actually. I love you so fucking much Francesca and I don't care if you don't say it back or if you aren't ready to say it back. Fuck I don't even care if you don't feel the same way. I just so desperately want to be around you all the time."

She sighs leaning her head against my chest. My heart is racing so fucking fast I am shocked it hasn't beat out my chest. Gently she raises her hand and places it over where my heart is slamming rapidly. "You mean it," she asks gently.

I place my free hand over her hand. "I practiced. I wanted to get it right when I said it to you, so I practiced. You were the first person I have ever even thought about saying those words to and when I finally worked up the nerve I wanted to get it right."

I let out a bitter laugh thinking about how badly I fucked it up anyways. "Well, I guess practice doesn't make perfect."

Francesca lets out a small laugh, her eyes slowly getting that spark back. Even while crying she is still the most perfect person in the world.

"Question?" she says with a little smile.

"Answer," I reply with a smile matching her.

"If I told you I love you too, what would happen next?"

I try to hide my excitement at the mere thought of hearing her say it back. I didn't realize how scared I was that she wouldn't say it until now. "I guess you will have to do it and find out," I tease as I brush my thumb along her bottom lip.

"Will you kiss me?" she asks breathlessly.

"Butt, stop trying to plan everything about your future, let something spontaneous happen for once."

"Is this not already spontaneous," she shoots back playfully while gesturing to herself curled up on my lap in the middle of the ice.

"It is a start," I agree, leaning my head down so my forehead rests against hers.

Her eyes are full of wonder as she looks at me. The tears have dried but her eyes still have that shine giving away the tears that were just shed.

"Carson Ryder, I love you," she says, her voice echoing around us with confident assurance. She means it, whole heartedly means it.

"Really?" I can't stop myself from asking. I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. Most people can't remember the first time someone ever told them they loved them but it is a feeling that spreads this warmth through your body like a giant hug. Knowing someone, even if it is just one person, loves you is foreign to me but a feeling I never want to live without again.

"I love you and I will tell you it as many times as you need to hear until you feel the love you deserved your entire life. I love you more than figure skating," she says just like I told her I loved her more than hockey the first time I said it. To most this wouldn't seem like something that special, it is just a sport. But for me and her it is more. These sports are our escape. The one place we are truly ourselves. We have dedicated years of our lives to these sports. To place anyone over the sport is truly special.

"I love you," I laugh not knowing what else to say. I just want to keep saying it. The feeling of the words rolling off my tongue mixed with the look on Francesca's face every time I say it has me floating on cloud 9. I feel a high not even the good hospital painkillers could get me to.

"And I love you," she laughs too. She wraps her arms around my neck gently playing with the hair on the back of my neck. "Now what," she asks.

I know what she wants, she wants me to kiss her and who am I to deny her the thing I also want so fucking badly. "Now this," I whisper feeling like if I spoke any louder I would ruin the moment.

I watch her eyes flutter shut in anticipation. I lean in and finally press my lips to hers. They are soft and warm and feel like home. It is everything I dreamed of and more. The fireworks go off and there is an instant connection. Everything about this is perfect and I never want it to end.

ITS HAPPENING! FINALLY! AHHH! I hope you all enjoyed this long awaited chapter as much as I did! You know it is a good chapter when it was inspired by not 1 but 2 Taylor Swift songs! This is also the perfect chapter to celebrate hitting 100k reads today! I want to thank you all so much for the support it means the world! See you again Friday! Stay Safe everyone