I'm gonna go off on a tangent for a minute because I don't think I've mentioned this before. This is for all my straight girls who are looking for a guy they're gonna wanna keep - for a while, anyway. My advice is CHOOSE A YOUNGER GUY! For years I've shared this with all my straight girlfriends and have yet to be told I'm wrong about it.

See, the thing is... there's this thing about men (at least in my country) that I think they learn as boys. It's the idea that if they're not macho, they're not manly. Okay, I get it. A lot of women want their men to take care of them. Be strong. Tough. Hunters. Sure! That's great! We love that about them! The problem is there's no manual that teaches machismo! And men, in my experience, have a hard time determining where to draw the line between being a man and being... umm, an asshole. (Yes, I'm generalizing here so if you're reading this and you're the exception, dont have a cow! I'm sure you're terrific!)

I feel like this is going to spark up some negative feedback but wait... I'll explain. Okay, lets talk about the first time a guy and a girl are having sex. Oh my god! It's tragic! First of all, just like guys learn to be guys early on, girls - okay, women - have been taught, practically since birth, that they're supposed to act like ladies, right? Soft spoken, demure, obedient. (Yes! you know it's true. Even today.) We learn to be Lady-like! (Yuck! - my personal opinion) So, you're with a guy for the first time and maybe you're thinking,

"Is my makeup okay?"

"Am I supposed to make those faces the women in those porn movies make?"

"Should I make noise?"

"Am I moving enough or is he gonna tell his friends I was a 'cold fish' tomorrow?"

"I wonder if I'm gonna have to fake it."

Oh, the horror! So...? Do you think he notices your distress? (oh god! you hope not!) No worries, girls. How can he? He's much too busy! He's chewing gum to keep his concentration. He needs to impress you if he's gonna get to do this again, right? What he's thinking is,

"I'm gonna make her cum 5 times before I get off!"

Tell me it's not like that! Hehe... come on, guys. Am I wrong? And heaven help the brave girl who actually speaks up and says something like,

"Can you move a little to the left?"

'Wait, what? What did she say?' He, maybe slows his roll a little. Perhaps he opens his eyes? Or worse, maybe, he even stops what he's doing, furrows his brows for a confused quick second but then recovers his groove and... here comes that machismo:

"Don't worry baby, I know what I'm doing."

Uggh! So, ya see the problem, right? But...

A younger guy, although plenty manly and full of testosterone, is happy to learn how to be a better lover - a sex god - from the woman with experience who is willing to teach him what he could never know otherwise. What makes a woman squirm. You see it now? As long as you maintain your role as the older woman, you can train your perfect lover! All you have to do is remember this line...

"Do exactly as I say, and you can practice as often as you like!"

Come on, say it with me!

"Do exactly as I say, and you can practice as often as you like!"

They probably wont stay forever but you can feel good knowing you've sent him out into the world better than he was when you found him... One less macho jerk who knows how many more happy women?

I rest my case.