I took a bus to make my way to the hospital, rethinking my decision. My heart wouldn't stop pounding like crazy. Not even for a second.

I finally reached my stop and got out of the bus. The hospital was now only a few feet away. Everything was becoming more real. I took a deep breath and slowly approached the front door. Right in front of me was the reception.

"U-uh hello, I'm here for the umm... abortion." I uttered, whispering the reason I was here for.

"For what?" The receptionist asked, clearly struggling to understand the last word.

"Ehem... abortion." I said it a bit too loud this time so that everyone in the room started giving me dirty looks. I felt so embarrassed. The buzzing in my ears got so loud I couldn't even hear my thoughts.

"Just go straight through that hallway and then turn to the right, wait there until a doctor calls your name." The receptionist explained.

I followed her directions and sat in the chair to wait for my appointment. There was one other girl waiting too.

"You can never trust the condom companies right?" The girl asked after a minute of silence.

I looked at her. "Yeah..." I lied. Didn't want to seem like a dumbass that I am.

"My boyfriend got really upset. We talked me into getting rid of it." She said. Looking down at her feet sadly.

"That sucks." I answered emotionlessly.

"So what's up with you?"

"My boyfriend left me."

"Oh... that sucks even more. I'm so sorry." She pries consoling me.

I just nodded my head slowly. That's when the door opened and a doctor peeked his head.

"Miss (l/n)? Come on in, please." He said.

I stood up and walked inside. My heart started pounding quicker once I stepped into that room.

"Tell me ,miss (l/n), when did you first start experiencing the symptoms of pregnancy?" The doctor asked.

"Just a couple of days ago." I answered.

"Well then, the procedure shouldn't be that complicated. You would only have to take this drug, RU-486, that will block a very important hormone, progesterone, which provides the baby with food and oxygen. After about a week the dead fetus should just come out easily." He explained as looked through the drawers, looking for the drug. "You need to start taking these right after you miss the first period." He finally sound the package and handed it to me.

"Thank you, doctor." I uttered.

"Right, if you have any problem or inconvenience, just call me, alright?

I nodded and walked out. The whole way back home I kept thinking if I should take this drug or not. I mean, the way he said it: the dead fetus. It made chills run down my back. I shook it off. That was probably for the best.

When I got home I changed into my pajamas, wrapped myself in a blanket and turned on the tv, trying to forget everything for just a couple of hours. That's when the doorbell rang.

For some reason my heart filled with hope. What if it's Jeff? What if he came back after he found out I was pregnant with his child?

I ran to the front door and quickly opened it. All hope disappeared. It's was Alex.

"Oh... hi." I said.

"Hey, I just wanted to check up in you. You had your appointment today right?" He spoke.

"Yeah, I did." I said blankly.

"How was it?"

"Why don't you come in." I suggested.

And so he did. I explained to him about the drug in supposed to take and how it was supposed to work.

"That's harsh, I mean, maybe it's a good thing, you have time to decide wether you really want this or not." Alexander said.

"No, it's not a good thing, I'm struggling enough as it is and I know I don't want this baby. If I ever have kids I want them to have a normal father, a normal family. I don't even have a stable life. I wouldn't be able to take care of it." I spieled, a bit annoyed.

Alex's eyes light up when I said father, like he had something in mind.

"Well, what if I was your baby's father?" He mumbled shyly.

I raised my eyes at him in surprise. "What? Alex..."

"Really, I don't mind at all. It's gonna be great. You won't have to do the abortion and your baby would have a father. I can support you both financially." He cut me off.

I took at deep breath. That could work of course, but did I love Alexander? No. And I didn't want him to raise my baby. I wanted it to be Jeff, but that couldn't happen.

"Thank you, Alexander. I'm very flattered by your suggestion, but it can't work out that way. I mean, we only started hanging out a little more than a week ago."

"I know, but didn't we have a good time that night? I know I did. Just give us time, (y/n)." He didn't lay off.

"No, there is no us... I'm sorry. And yeah, it was fun, but it was a one time thing. I just don't see you as someone I'd spend the rest of my life with." I tried convincing him.

He stayed silent for a couple of seconds. "I-is there someone else you like?"

I didn't answer.

"There is huh... is it the guy that got you pregnant? The kidnaper?" Those words made my heart pound harder. I didn't even know how to answer.

"Oh my god... (y/n), it's the Stockholm syndrome. You have to get over him, it's not you."

I turned my head away from him. "Thank you for your concern, but I think you should go, Alex."

"(Y/n)..."

"You should go, Alex!" I repeated myself. This time he obeyed my demand and left.

I sat there until my stomach started rumbling. I had totally forgotten about eating lately. I knew I had lost some weight over these few days. But I just had no appetite for anything so I just decided to go to bed early. But even then I couldn't fall asleep.

I rolled around in the big bed, trying to find a comfortable spot. I had so many thoughts in my head that didn't let me sleep or even relax.

I wished Jeff would come back, but at the same time I just never wanted to see his smiling face ever again.

A month ago I would of wished to be in this position, free from him, but now I just felt so incredibly lonely. I had gotten used to waiting around for him, then finally when he'd come back, he'd flash me this big smile as if he was happy to see me.

Thinking about it made me smile, but once again my thoughts brought me back into the real world and I realized I was still alone.

That night I cried myself to sleep.

***

I woke up to an intense doorbell ringing. It made me jump out of my bed. I slowly approached the front door and peeked through the peephole. My eyes widened, I had to rug them and blink a few times to make sure I wasn't just seeing things.

A hope washed over me.