"W-what are you doing?" I gasp scared. This was the only time ive ever been scared of him, not when he broke in my house, not when he threatned me nor when he restrained me but his hand relentlesy around my throat squeezing so roughly i have to take tiny breaths so my throat doesnt expand to much but the little breaths arent enough and i feel myself becomming light headed but a image begins to form in the opposite corner of the elevator.

The vision fades away but this time i dont black out and i notice his grip is no longer squeezing my windpipe and i take a deep breath, gasping i try to take in as much as possible but begin coughing as my eyes burn. "Y-youre so fucked up" i say my voice cracks and i realize tears are running down my face. I stand as far away from him as i can in the tiny box leaning my head against the wall shutting my eyes to stop the tears. The bell dings and i know we've reached the bottom floor so i quickly wipe my tears and adjust my hair to cover my neck with his eyes burning through me the whole time. The doors open and i notice stephan waiting for us but he looks at me confused.

"You ok?" He ask me gently pulling me to him and joker roughly pushes past us grumbling and i bite my lip to hold in the tears. Wrapping my arms around stephan and holding him tight inhaling his scent and wincing at my now soar throat.

"Aw baby its ok" he humms kissing the top of my head holding me tightly before he rubs my arms gently. I think nothing of him calling me baby because he calls everyone baby or babe it was in his nature. It was comforting and that was what i needed right now, comfort.

"I dont want to be like harleen" i finally admit into his chest but he just chuckles making me look up at him. This wasnt something to laugh or joke about i was dead serious and he notices and smiles.

"Your nothing like her, could never be" he promises kissing my forehead and i smile knowing it was nothing more then friendly but joker doesnt like that.

"Can you two hurry up with your stupid ass flirting its repulsive, what do you see in him he looks like a bitch" joker snarls and i step closer to him only to be pulled back.

"No ashton, how about i handle this and when im done take you to breakfast and we enjoy a nice talk without your stomach grumbling like a hungry bear" he says and i laugh lightly knowing it was grumbling rather loudly.

Sitting in my office i frown, the blood from his hands was no longer around my throat but a bruise was forming and it hurts slightly to breathe, and then that fucking vision! Today obviously wasnt my day. Someone knocks on my office and i quickly place my hair infront of my neck before they open and a folder is dropped onto my desk. "Its from the lab...all the drugs we've tried on joker what they do and the effect it has on him" the young intern says and i smile greatfully. He nods closing the door and i drop my head in my hands. He was so controlling even without being in the room. Everything still revolved around him. I sigh putting my stuff into my bag when i realize what time it is...time to go home.

When i unlock my apartment door i sigh and slam it shut leaning my head against it. I was so out of it tonight that i honestly have no idea how i drove home because i was in such a haze. Walking over to the kitchen i see the mess from this morning is cleaned up and i smile peeling off my clothes as i head to the bathroom. Both pill bottles are on the counter from this morning since i only took 1. 1 of them actually made me feel better stopped me from throwing up in the morning and headaches while the other one tasted like shit, it didnt do anything really so i had no purpouse to take it.

After scrubbing the blood off that the joker left on me, the rest of my body and my hair i look at the purple hair dye i had on a shelf reading the directions but the vision i had earlier came back. I quickly put it back down turn the shower off and wrap a towel around me. When i open the door theres a eery feeling sending shivers down my spine and i quickly go to get dressed sliding on a matching black underwear set a turtle kneck sweater and pink shorts that were 2 sizes to small but i was in the comfort of my own home so it didnt matter.

I hear papers flapping around in my living room and remember it was windy and i left the windows wide open. I quickly run into my living room and groan seeing papers everywhere and slam all the windows shut and locking them. I turn on the heat and begin picking up the papers irritated because it took me hours to organize them in the first place.

"You take long showers" i hear and scream dropping half the stack before glaring at the face behind the voice. I ignore him picking up the papers when my eye catches the sheet of medication they gave him.

"Hey so i um got the list of medications they gave you..." I tell him. Maybe if he could remember what it did to him i could know what its doing to me, could that be whats causing the visions? I cautiously walk over to him and he looks up at me strangely as i stand on the opposite side of the island. "Do any of these look familiar?" I ask sliding him the paper but he slides it back rolling his eyes.

"No and it better not become familiar" he threatens and i swallow looking down at the paper. I didnt have time for games or threats. I needed to know why they gave us the same meds. But after he almost choked me to death like i ment nothing to him i was scared of him. Whatever relationship we had was long gone and i knew he seen me as just another person in arkham. And whatever bond we had was long gone.

"How about asiplyrenol?" I ask softly and he stops playing with the scissors looking up at me. "What, you know it?" I ask and he scoffs.

"Do i know it? Thats their favorite thing to give me...why?" He ask curious but i cant tell him we're taking the same meds he'll use that to his advantage. "Im not getting any younger" He says irritably standing up taking a step to me and i automatically take a step back. "What...you scared of me?" He ask with a look on his face i cant read and i look away feeling my eyes burning with tears before taking further steps away clicking the pen to write when he grabs my hand but i push him off forcefuly tearing my hand from his grip cradling it to my chest. He didnt hurt me nor was he forceful at all it just scared me...he scares me.

"You fucking stabbed me!" He growls and i look up at his pale skin to see the blue ball point pen sticking out of his arm. The tips of his ears began turning a light shade of red as he glared at me.

"Oh im sor- no! Fuck you im not fucking sorry! You scared me ok? You fucking know you did! You shouldnt have grabed my arm like that, or get so close or choke me actually you shouldnt even fucking be here!" I rant angrily running my hands through my hair closing my eyes feeling my skin get hot. "You know what joker? Get the hell out!" I snap looking at him to see a evil grin on his face.

"No, not until you fix me up " he purrs and i scowl at him before a plan starts forming in my head so i walk over to the kitchen drawer.

"No?" I ask smirking pulling the drawer open and pulling out the sharpest knife. Every time i ever heald a sharp object he gives me a wary look and it fills me with a essence of...power, and for some sick reason i love it.

"What are you going to do, stab me?" He ask and begin laughing. "Put it down before you hurt yourself" he snorts and i glare twirling the knife in my hand making his smirk falter. Charging at him he jumps off the stool and begins running but he's laughing as i chase him around the table before climbing across it making his laugh intensify. I roll off onto the floor and drop the knife infront of me holding my wrist.

"Aw come on a little sprained wrist isnt going to stop all the fun?" He teases and i let my eyes water up looking up at him pouting.

"But j it really hurts" i say softly making my lip tremble and he groans walking to me but stops tilting his head.

"Do you think im stupid doll? I know every trick there is" he smirks and i drop the façade of being hurt and smirk back.

"Not every one" i say quickly picking up the knife and throwing it at him watching as it sinks into his thigh making him growl. I smirk in victory before my high comes down and i realize i stabbed a person. Twice. And i used perfect aim throwing the knife, i manipulated him into thinking i was hurt. I was messed up in parts of my head. "Oh fuck, joker im sorry, im so so sorry i-i didnt mean to" i gasp running over to him only to be pushed onto the floor.

"Youre sorry? For defending yourself?" He snorts. "Youre an idiot, you actualy had my respect until you started apologizing like a wimp- are you even listening?" He ask as i stare at his bloody thigh. Honestly i shake my head standing back up cautiously walking towards him. I could never understand him, he was seriously angry i apologized for hurting him.

"Are you going to tell me how that stuff makes you feel?" I question cleaning his wounds as he plays with the end of my hair. He finally agreed to let me if it meant id stop being soft around him, and apologizing.

"Its a depresant...it suppreses feelings, emotions, memories and thoughts. They give it to me to as if thatd ever happen right after i kill someone and in large doses" he admitts and i look up from what im doing to see a serious look on his face.

"You uh should get back to arkham before they realize youre missing and im pretty sure the first place theyre going to look is here" i tell him as he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. His eyes are burning into the side of my skull making it hard to concentrate so i look back up at him. "What?" I ask curiously but he shakes his head.

"Nothing, youre just a pain in the ass." He shrugs and i almost punch him in the face, he had some nerve calling me a pain in the ass has he met himself.

"Fuck you, ok?" I carelessly let out as i get up off the couch and put all the stuff back in the first aid kit and go to put away when i hear his chuckle and the tv turn on. Grabbing my folder for his file and a new pen i sit on the recliner and begin writing the psychosis from our first session until i begin thinking about the day dreams ive been having and how its not something thats natural, i should know i work in a mental institution. I put up the stuff for jokers file and grab my macbook returning to my spot on the recliner across from where joker was either sleep or on his way.

Groaning when i cant find anything about day dreams, (except zoning out) visions, or anything related i run a angry hand through my hair. Nothings comming up related or even remotely close to how it feels for me. I look at jokers medicine sheet before finding the missing piece i needed. Maybe if i can figure out what its used for i can figure out why they gave it to me and what wrong with me. Before i could read the first article im startled by a screaming joker, like intense bloody murder im being chased by michael myers and jason type of scream. Putting the laptop down i go over and sit on my knees holding his hand which roughly begins squeezing mine and his body begins twitching before shaking and he finally jumps up out if his sleep. "What the fuck did you do to me?" He snarls voice deeper and louder then ive ever heard it but i hear panick under his fake anger.

"You know i didnt do anything..." I finally answer with a stern voice watching as he looks around intently. "You know i wouldnt do anything joker" i say softly turning his head to get him to focus on me but he looks away and i realize hes trying to avoid eye contact. Hes still griping my hand roughly and i guess he notices because he roughly pulls away with a angry look on his face. Standing up i move to sit behind his body that tenses up when i move, running my hands over his back he shivers and begins to relax but i know hes still shook from his nightmare. "You want to talk about it?" I ask softly and he snorts.

"Fuck no," and i continue rubbing his back until he calms down since he seems to like it but i stop and wrap my arms around to his stomach laying my head on his back.

"I know talking about feelings isnt something you do, or be vulnerable or show you have feelings so i wont ask, just dont be an ass to push me away like you usually do. You get scared of letting me or anyone in you be a bully to keep them away...but i understand" i assure him and he growls as we slowly begin swaying. "Tell me j...why? Why do you listen only to me? Why do you come to my house every night? No bullshit or your lovely sarcasm tell me" i plead but he doesnt say anything for a while.

"I only get to sleep when im with you...between all the drugs overdoses and beating from guards i dont get much...atleast i know when im here i know ill only be woken to kill a spider not drugs forced down my throat...or therapy" he admitts grogily and im happy. I finally broke through. I cracked through his shell! He trusted me to open up and be vulnerable and im so...relieved. How the hell did he know about my fear of spiders?

"You dont sleep at arkham?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"I dont really sleep anywhere even home i only sleep for about 2 hours-"

"Thats why you sleep here" i notice looking up but he just pushes my arms off of him and scoots away from me and i frown going to sit infront of him in between his legs since he had them stretched infront of him.

"Stop! Im not a fucking kid i dont need you to intervene i dont need you to pity me im a big boy i can handle my fucking self" he growls standing up pacing back and forth grumbling to himself and i cant help the smile on my face. He always became a asshole because his ego and pride was to big to talk about his feelings.

"Ok j, i wont meddle ill let you handle it, kill what kills you right?" i shrug with a soft smile and he glares at me but slowly starts to smile before my vision starts to blur and i start to see another daydream.

Looking up at the joker i notice him staring intently at me with bright blue eyes. "What is that? You just zone out-why?" He ask but i get up ignoring him going over to the recliner and grabbing my laptop. I was telling him about my very realistic daydream so he could say i was just as mentally fucked as him and not take me serious as his psych, he'd never listen and just act worse probably make a big out of it. My macbook is roughly pulled from my hands and he looks at the screen in confusion before looking at me strangely.

"Its none of your damn buisness so dont ask me" i warn but he shakes his head walking towards the back...the bathroom where i have the medicine still on the counter. I begin chasing after him but hes faster and obviously smarter since he knew where to look for it. Grabbing the pill bottle he turns around facing me.

"Well well doc, it seems like youre just as fucked and unstable as the rest of us, its the blind leading the blind, hmm?" He smirks but i grab the bottle away from him walking away.

"I am NOT as mental as you, ok? Just shut up and get out, i dont have to tell you anything. Its none of your buisness" i snap walking into my room slamming the door but he follows and swings it open.

"It is my buisness! Youre my doctor and im suppouse to trust you but how can i trust a liar! Someone who isnt as honest as they say, just a liar with a degree who feels like youre better then the others...youre just like 'em cops doctors all of 'em just another fucked up faker with a degree and a title sweetheart" he seethes in my face and i glare at him angrily as he turns to walk back to the living room but i wasnt done.

"I-im not! The difference between me and you is i could admit i have a problem you cant admitt youre a psychopath, a monster youre the most messed up person here!" I yell angrily throwing the bottle at his back before he leaves and slam the front door. Groaning i slam my fist into the wall quickly regretting it. "I hate you!" I yelled hoping he could somehow hear me. What is my life turning into?