I couldn't escape my dreams.

I had to sleep at some point.

And when I did ...

The nightmares would start.

They were horrible.

The first time Damien had a spear through his chest. The second time, a sword. The third time, he was set on fire. The fourth time, an ax. Afterwards, it all just blurred together.

Then it was my parents. Somehow, Robyn had managed to get my parents and kill them too.

I lost count of the many different ways the people I loved died in my arms.

Each one felt just as real as the last-- making it impossible to tell what was real and what wasn't.

Eventually, the dreams shifted. Instead of dreaming of their deaths, I started dreaming of my own.

It wasn't only death but the unimaginable horrors that could befall my fragile body.

It was like he'd gotten inspiration from the history books, had learned every painstaking detail of the tortures of history.

Then he practiced them on me.

I couldn't escape it.

And it went on forever.

Days, weeks? I couldn't tell underground. Time seemed to have no meaning.

I no longer knew where I was. Who I was.

No longer cared.

The only way I could tell it was a dream was that I'd wake up screaming afterward.

And after days of no sleep, they were impossible to avoid.

I was so tired.

I was numb.

An empty shell.

I felt a familiar tug -the first time I felt something within me- and suddenly, I was in water.

I wasn't prepared and inadvertently inhaled water.

I was drowning.

I kicked and thrashed and found the slippery porcelain bottom of the water as soon as my hands found the lip of the tub over me. I pulled myself up out of the water and coughed the liquid out of my lungs.

I wasn't drowning, I had just appeared in a large bathtub full of water.

I squinted against the harsh sunlight coming in through the open windows. It stung my eyes anytime I tried to open them. My eyes had gotten used to the eternal darkness.

How long had I been locked up?

A hand grabbed my chin harshly making me look at him without reservation. "Have you learned your lesson?"

Robyn looked pleased.

He knew what the darkness and loneliness of the dreams had done to me.

I didn't break his gaze as he watched me. I said nothing.

I was hollow; broken.

Empty.

He chuckled, the corner of his mouth tilting upwards in a slight smile. His eyes flickered towards the rest of my body submerged in the water, the dress started floating around me. "I will need you to finish your bath then join me for dinner."

He let my chin go, pushed off the tub and walked away.

I watched his shadow as it receded from the room. "Don't take too long, dear,I don't want to keep our guests waiting."

I didn't move.

Didn't care to.

I sat in the water until it turned cold.

Eventually, someone did come into the bathroom and crouched down next to me. I didn't turn to look at them, transfixed on a small dot on the other side of the tub.

She dipped her finger in the water and the muck and dirt that had washed off the dress and sat stagnant on the top of it disappeared. Bubbles and hot water replaced it giving me some modesty as she peeled the wet dress off.

She used a cup to pick up water and run it down my head careful to avoid my face. Her hands were gentle as she washed me using oils and soaps to take the grime and dirt off.

She hummed gently as she watched me making me turn to her.

Her hair was like ebony, deep black with curling tendrils. Jewels and silver was strung in it then curled back in a beautiful knot. Her slightly tilted eyes were soft and radiant with high cheekbones and tan skin.

She was beautiful with glitter and sparkle in her skin.

She was a fae.

Young. Not much older than I was, it seemed. Her blue eyes watched me as I watched her.

She smiled sympathetically. "My name is Naida, Emylin. I'm here to help you."

How many times had I heard those words? Someone was always there to help me in my dreams. They were always willing to aid in my escape. Once I took them up on the offer, they'd die a slow painful death.

Their words no longer moved me.

They no longer motivated me to try to leave.

It was just another dream. Another trick.

She'd die soon enough.

It was just easier not to care.

She lifted my arms gently. I obeyed, letting her scrub me down with a sponge.

She held a towel for me as she drained the tub and watched me carefully step out. I was too weak to be able to hold my own but I somehow managed it. She wrapped me in a comfortable warm towel.

As soon as she deemed me dry enough she waved her hand, dressing me in another heavy black dress.

The onyx stones were heavy on my neck and shoulders but I didn't complain. Dark raven feathers adorned the front and the back was cut, exposing my protruding spine under my pale skin.

She'd managed to get some makeup on to match. A series of grays and blacks that didn't make me look like I was knocking on death's door.

How I welcomed that relief.

She even managed to have my silver hair twisted up with diamond combs in a fanciful way within a silver band crossing my forehead like a tiara.

I was dressed like a prize - like a reward.

I didn't care what I looked like.

The woman held my hand as she led me from the room through the corridors down a long hall then finally to a large ballroom.

There were people there that I did not recognize nor cared to remember.

They were all shadows that moved around my life.

Don't get close. They'll die.

They always do.

Once in the room, Azazeal made his way toward me and stayed close. He watched and waited, mimicking every step I took no more than an arm's length away.

Robyn walked to us, taking my hand from the woman's.

"Thank you, dear Naida," he smiled as he admired me. He looked me up and down like a predator. "She cleans up nice."

Naida crossed her arms. "I did this for her not you. What did you do to her?"

A man spoke. "Robyn, you broke your new toy. You said you wouldn't."

With his eyes fixed on me, he only said, "Desperate times - she couldn't be down there more than a couple of days."

Had it only been days?

"How careless," the man's voice was cold. "Magic is at its strongest when we are. A broken shell has broken magic. You will barely be able to use her to sniff out your enemies. She won't be able to concentrate on their life force as broken as she is."

Robyn growled. "What I do with my property is my business."

The man laughed cooly. "Careful, Robyn. You still have to win over the other lords and you might not have their support once they learn of your carelessness."

Robyn snapped his fingers and immediately my hand shot out towards the man on its own. Energy pulsed through me as I gripped the lapel of his jacket then pushed from my hand throwing the man several feet away.

My eyes met Robyn's smug smile as he turned to Naida. "Your brother is bothersome."

The woman sighed, detached from what just occurred. "My brother is worried and anxious for your reign, Alteazor. You can count on our forces in Skryen, this does not change that."

I felt the power leave me again leaving me naked and bare.

Exposed.

Not that Robyn cared. He took my hand and placed it in the crook of his arm, pulling me away and stopping in front of a small group of people.

He spoke animatedly with a glass in one hand that he would casually sip from. His smile didn't fade and by the looks of the people around him, they were his allies or maybe even his friends.

They were celebrating. It made my skin crawl.

I looked around the room and through the groups of people, my eyes stopped when they found a table at the other end of the room. My stomach tightened.

One end of the table was filled with fruits and vegetables. Goblets were overturned with strawberries, berries, and melons. The other end of the table held a large setting of meats and sides with a stuffed pig at its centerpiece. A stack of untouched plates sat on the corner of the table with utensils.

I swallowed. I couldn't remember the last time I ate a filling meal.

How long had it been?

I began to move, letting my hand drop from his arm.

He caught my fingers in a vice-like grip. "Where are you going?"

My eyes avoided his. His eyes burned in anger. The blue of them reminded me of the sky I hadn't seen in...I couldn't remember how long.

Instead, I looked at the table, unable to voice what I wanted.

"Ah," he said knowingly. "Of course." He snapped his fingers. "Azazeal."

A deafening crack sounded next to me making me wince. Azazeal had appeared next to me on his knees. His head was low in reverence in front of Robyn. He appeared so fast and dropped to his knees so quickly, I wondered if he had broken his knees. If he did, he didn't show it but he did take a moment longer than necessary to stand once Robyn told him to.

I swallowed, looking away.

"Keep an eye on her," Robyn said. I could hear him holding back laughter in his voice. "Don't let her out of your sight."

His smoke-hand reached for my chin and gripped it firmly. His eyes were like white-hot embers and I couldn't look away as he studied me. "Promise me you will not talk to anyone else."

I nodded obediently.

"Say 'I promise', dear."

I nodded again. "I promise," I croaked.

He dropped his hand and I didn't waste a moment.

I made my way to the table. The crowd of people dispersed in front of me, giving me more than ample room to walk. They were avoiding me, their eyes avoided mine.

It was like I was no one.

Maybe I was no one.

Once I reached the table, I loaded as many fruits as I could to a plate.

I heard whispers and laughter around me but I ignored them, too enthralled in the strawberries I was stuffing in my mouth. I took more berries, grapes, broke off a piece of bread and inhaled deeply as my stomach began to fill.

I exhaled slowly. I could feel life returning to me.

Someone spoke next to me. "Eat slower, Alteaza. Your body is not used to this amount of food."

I swallowed the bread I was chewing and turned to the familiar voice. It was the same man Robyn had made me push away earlier but now, I could see his features.

He was handsome in the same way all fae men were. He was perfect with flawless caramel skin, his arms were brawny and his shoulders were large and broad. He looked to be muscular like Azazeal. Was he a soldier? His black hair was short and his eyes-they looked like they were almost grey. There was some anger in them, making it look like a storm was brewing within them.

He didn't seem at all disturbed by Azazeal standing so close to me, watching me.

He cleared his throat and gave a small bow at the waist. When he lifted again, there was a mischievous smile on his lips. "You can stop checking me out now, people will notice."

I blinked. He was right, I was looking at him longer than any other.

I scoffed in disgust at his words.

Azazeal moved towards him, a hand on the hilt of his sword. I moved quickly, placing my hand on his to stop him. Azazel looked back towards me, his gaze vacant, then went back to watching the party.

I let out a small sigh of relief at the same time the man did.

So he was worried about Azazeal.

I looked out towards where Robyn had been. He was too busy--absorbed in whatever conversation he was having with the woman from earlier and the group he was with. He wasn't even paying attention to me.

The man's voice was soft, he was avoiding being overheard. "Not even a laugh?" He chuckled. "Most women can't stop looking when they first meet me. Don't worry, I won't fault you, Alteaza."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring him. I turned again towards the table and popped a grape in my mouth.

"Good," he said softly. His tone turned softer, relieved. "That's better, I suppose. Imagine what Robyn would do if he did hear you laugh. He would think his methods didn't work. He'd start his tortures anew and would try to break you again."

I froze. No. I couldn't go through that again. I swallowed. Hard.

I didn't know if I could take it.

"Try," the man whispered emphatically. "He didn't break you, Emylin."

I turned towards him, fully, watching him in stunned silence. He called me by my name. He was addressing me. He didn't call me Alteaza, he didn't ignore me or avoid me like the others. It was a relief to hear someone— to actually recognize me, to talk to me.

He gave a small smile and grabbed a plate from the table and placed some grapes on it. "Try this."

I frowned at the small plate he offered. It seemed like any other plate but took it anyway. As I grabbed the plate from his hand, I felt my fingers slightly graze his.

I felt a memory come to the forefront of my mind, stronger than the rest of me present at the moment.

I was sitting at the end of the pier, feet swinging over the water as the waves rolled and crashed against the wooden legs of the pier holding it to the beach below. I breathed in the air, letting it fill my lungs with its salty goodness.

I licked the coconut ice cream cone in my hand as I watched the sunset far away from prying human eyes. Damien had made sure we were alone as we watched the sunset on my birthday. I watched the colors dance on the horizon, the red, the periwinkle and the orange against the blue of the tranquil ocean below.

I rested my head on his shoulder as we sat watching the orange globe fall under the sea on the other side of the world.

It was stunning.

I nudged Damien's shoulder as he sat next to me. "Thank you."

He didn't turn to me, his amethyst eyes watching the sun. "I think this may be the first time I've ever been this sick."

I laughed as I remembered the shade of white and green he'd turn after getting off the spinning chairs.

He looked at me without a hint of a smile. "Congratulations."

I laughed. "Come on, that wasn't on purpose."

The corner of his mouth twisted into a smile. "At least I got some sort of revenge."

I was effervescent with the happiness bubbling through me. My two strongest relationships were made one today somehow. It meant the world to me that Damien introduced himself to my parents. Straightening where I sat, I yelled to the setting sun. "Best birthday ever!"

Damien laughed. "You really think so?"

I nodded. "I know so."

"I should have taken you here earlier then."

"Any other places up your sleeve?"

Then I was back, gripping the table next to me for support. I was back in the depressing room with the depressing people.

Somehow, I had been able to relive my birthday from many years ago. I was able to relive the feelings, the scents, and even a conversation I didn't remember having.

I touched my cheek, the fingers coming back wet with tears.

The man's voice was so low, I could have easily imagined him speaking. He bowed again. "Don't lose hope, Emylin."

Before I could ask what happened, he was gone.