I'm met with a sudden headache as I sit up on my bed, everything in the room began to spin. I put two fingers on my temple to fixate my gaze on an object in the room. I tuck a few pieces of hair behind my ear, everything finally stops spinning.

As soon as my vision returns to normal, yelling filled my ears. My mother and father's voices back to back was all I heard, I was in the small bedroom where there was only a bed in the middle. Boyband posters covering the walls and a large window behind my bed.

My bedroom.

Looking over to the tall mirror beside me, I got up from my bed. My hair up to my shoulders and it was frizzy. Normally it's this frizzy when I wake up, I don't remember falling asleep.

If I went to sleep why the fuck am I still tired?

The dim lit room in front of me had wooden floors and wooden walls, a small magenta couch and wooden coffee table the same color the floors.

I stood by the door frame, watching the scene happen right before my eyes.

The other room was my parents', well my parent. Since my dad slept on the couch, wait what's going on?

"This is all your fucking fault!" He yelled, throwing the cellphone in his hands across the room. Causing it to break into shambles, he stomps on it a few times.

My mother stood there in front of him, holding back tears.

"You think I knew? I knew that she'd do them?" Her voice breaks.

"She's so irresponsible." He states.

She glances down to the ground, not being able to form words.

"What the fuck- what the fuck is wrong with you?" He yells, his hands are now gripping her shoulders.

She crosses her arms in front of her chest, "Name one fucking time you were there for her, one time you showed up! And you're calling her irresponsible, for this."Her voice breaks.

"You're defending her?"

She looks at him dead in the eyes and he goes silent.

He doesn't say a word, letting go of her shoulders so she pushes back and her back meets the wall. He falls down onto the couch, his palms on his temple.

They're talking about her.

A sigh leaves her lips, a single tear drop rolling down her cheek.

She immediately wipes it off, an imitation of a smile forms on her lips as she makes eye contact with me.

"Inez, can you check up on your sister?"

I nodded, releasing my hold from the door frame, I headed over to my sister Maya's bedroom.

I tapped a few times on the halfway open wooden door.

"Maya?" I cleared my throat, hiding the fact that I'm so fucking scared right now.

"Inez." I hear her answer, turning the doorknob and stepping into her room.

Clothes are all over the floor and pills are all gathered on one side table and a bowl of noodles on the other.

Her blanket is on the floor, the sheets barely on her mattress and another blanket wrapped around her body.

She starts to shiver, her eyes are shut tightly as she paces back and forth on the bed.

I sit by her on the bed, wrapping an arm around her back and setting my head down on her shoulder.

She drops her head down on mine.

"Have I told you that you're my favorite person?"

"Am I?" I whispered in disbelief, slowly opening an eye.

"You're the only person I don't hate." A small genuine smile grows on her face.

"You're the only person I don't hate." I said back to her, my eyes meet the blue light of the laptop in front of us.

I squeezed her tightly as she kissed my forehead.

I missed those.

"What were mom and dad yelling about?" Her eyes open, glancing at the laptop.

"Oh- well you know their marriage and shit." I make up a lame excuse, a nervous chuckle leaving my mouth.

"They're that fucking loud about their relationship, that's insane." She grabs the bowl full of noodles, twisting some around her fork and eating them.

"I need to tell you something." I confessed.

"Hm?"

"Oh! College you know, since I'm going to have to start applying." I lied.

"Right, which ones are you thinking of applying for?" She raises an eyebrow.

"It's kind of far away." I confess, I shouldn't have said that.

"What do you mean 'it' you have a specific one in mind?"

I let out a heavy sigh.

"What if I already- well applied."

She covers her mouth, getting up on her knees. "You got in?"

"I might've." I told her.

She wraps her arms around my torso, holding me for a few seconds.

"I think I should reject it, I don't wanna leave you here." I stated, it wouldn't be the right thing to do.

She lets go of me, "Don't even fucking think about doing that, show me the acceptance letter." She demands.

I take out of my pocket and she snatches it from me.

She reads it, her eyes following the words on the letter, "You will not miss this opportunity because your sister is a drug addict."

Drug addict.

"Don't say that." I got down from the bed, pulling my shirt down.

"I'm right though, I'm the fucking reason you're scared." She snaps.

I gulped, catching my breath and attempting to process what she was saying.

She gets down to the floor from the bed, completely eye level to me.

"If you don't want me to go I won't go, I promise."

"Don't try to change the fucking subject!" She talks back, "I'm an addict and you know it."

She picks up a transparent orange bottle with pills inside, glaring at it for a minute.

She throws it at me and I barely manage to catch it.

"This is what they were screaming about weren't they? They figured it out. Hell why wouldn't they find out? Do I look sober to you?"

"Maya." My voice breaks, "I-"

Her voice lowers down as she becomes more calm, "You hate me."

I shook my head, the pill bottle dropping to the ground from my hand.

I don't think I was shocked, I didn't know how to feel. But I was afraid, afraid it could get worse than it already was.

"At least there's something we can agree on right?" She whispers again.

She slid her back down the wall, burying her head between her knees.

I heard soft sniffles coming from her, she raised her head locking her irises with mine.

Her eyes were bloodshot, tears wouldn't stop from coming down. As if they were never ending.

However I wasn't crying, I think I've gotten to the point where I couldn't sense or feel anything anymore. I was numb to the feeling.

"I'm so sorry, Inez." She continued to cry, resting her head on my lap. "I shouldn't have said any of that shit to you, or fucking yelled at you. I'm really sorry, I'm terrible."

"Maya." I held onto her hand. "It's completely fine. Don't worry about it. I love you."

"I just didn't know that they would have an affect on me in that way."

"You need rest, come on." I grabbed her hand, picking her up and getting her to lay back down on her bed.

I laid down beside her, facing the opposite side of the bed. All I saw were bags filled with white powder and pills. The sight I'd grown used to seeing.

From that day on, I couldn't tell what was happening and why it was all falling apart.

-

it pained me to write this, it took a lot out of me. i've done a lot of research on this topic, so if anything is inaccurate, please let me know. if i'm doing anything wrong please be aware that isn't my intention and i'm trying the best i can to write about this topic. everyone's experiences are different.

i love you and appreciate you sm

- s