Nathan

As Stig lies beside me I feel my cheeks hurt from smiling but I can't seem to stop. My whole body is a mush, in a relaxed state but at the same time, I am alert as if I am on a mission. Usually, when I come, I feel sleepy, eager to turn my back on whoever was it that helped me scratch that itch.

But with Stig? I would be crazy to turn my back on him - except for quite a specific reason - and I can't take my eyes off him. He puts his arm under his head and stares at the ceiling. His body is covered in a thin layer of sweat and is shining under the low lights from the expensive, designer lamps in this room.

My look goes south and I pause on his abs. Without thinking, I reach out and I rest my hand on them, feeling the muscles tense, the slow intake of breath, the wetness of his skin. Still looking up, lost in the post-sex haze, Stig, places his hand over mine and I am absorbed taking in the intricate designs on his arm.

"Why Yakuza designs?" I ask.

His face frowns and darkens and I instantly know I hit a sore spot. He replies nothing and I ask nothing. So far it has been great so dwelling in the past is the worst idea right now. I take a deep breath and my eyes close with my hand on him still. While I drift off, I feel that he too is deep in slumber. And right before I fall asleep I can't help but wonder: will he be here when I wake up?

***

When I open my eyes again, I get the answer to my question instantly. Somehow, during our sleep, we drifted closer together. His back is turned to me and I have glued my whole body on him, both on our sides. I am fucking spooning with a guy!

The realization hits me hard. I vaguely know that it's still dark out, probably the middle of the night. I was never a sound sleeper, my father joking that this was the reason my mother left us both. But right now? I am grateful for these awakenings in the middle of the night.

I pull closer to him and in his sleep, he murmurs something and cozies closer. And when he rubs my cock with his rock hard ass, I too go rock hard. I look over my shoulder and I see the lube and condoms. I smile.

I take a generous amount and I warm it between my fingers before applying it gently on his entrance. He stirs but doesn't wake up. I rub his rim slowly and still asleep he moans and moans louder when I push a finger inside. He mutters something in Swedish and I chuckle softly. I keep on entering him, softly, slowly, enjoying how he feels, how he moves to me, wanting for more.

I too want more but I don't take. I like this, just like this. Him in my embrace, so close, going slow. I kiss his shoulder and I move to his neck, taking in his smell. His strong back arcs into me and he lets out a long moan before his eyelashes flutter. He opens his eyes slowly and turns to me.

We say nothing. We just kiss. Not "just". This is not "just" a kiss. I want to deny so badly but here, in the middle of the night, in this place that makes us feel as if it's just the two of us in the whole world, I know it, I feel it. It is more. It has been more since day one. Otherwise, I would have done what I do my whole fucking life, I would have moved on. Instead, I got into this deal with Tor, giving him the leave to use me however he sees fit. And for what? So that I got to spend more time with him. I have never done this before. Ever.

"Nathan." Stig's voice over my lips brings me to the now, to him, to us, to this moment.

"Stig," I whisper over his lips.

We stop even breathing. How the Hell is this man making me pause like that without being scared shitless? I am always on the move, always going from one place to the other, from one job to the next, never pausing, scared that whatever is after me will finally catch up with me. But I am not scared now.

Stig moves first. He cozies impossibly close to me, grabs my thigh and pulls me closer to him. Whatever I was thinking is replaced by this need. The simple, irrevocable need: be inside him.

All the smoothness of my moves is gone while I put on a condom. More lube and we are ready. I push Stig's leg to have more access to him and he grunts in pleasure. And as I move to be plunged into him, I let out a sigh and with it all my loneliness.

"Pretty boy," I whisper in his ear.

He says nothing but grabs my hand and wraps my arm around his waist, to bring me closer and I do want to be closer. Much closer than our joined bodies can bring us. When did I become an emotional sap like that? Why? How?

But us his vanilla scent attacks me fiercely and his body flexes as we move, I know why. I don't fucking like the answer but it's there, looking at me with two brilliant blue eyes. Fuck...

I squeeze my eyes and drive these confusing thoughts away. This is just us, now and tomorrow we will do our job and we will never meet each other again. I will go back to my work and he will go back to the Riders and we won't have to see each other again.

At the thought, my heart burns and my fingers around his tighten and I dive myself into our lovemaking more to forget myself. And it's enough for now. I let go of his hand and I grab his hard-rock shaft.

"Fuck!" he is wide awake now. "Yes."

His hips move to take me all in and I leave soft kisses on his shoulder. I suck a deep breath and I go deeper and deeper inside him faster and faster. His hand grabs the comforter and he moans.

"That's it, pretty boy," I say in his ear, "it's my dick inside you."

"Fan!" Stig curses and pushes back against me.

"Look at me, baby," I order and Stig does as he is asked.

I can't resist him and I take his lips in mine. Again, that tingling feeling when our lips meet and our tongues battle. I slam my dick harder into him and Stig takes it all, all I have to give. And I want to give more.

"Touch your self!" I order once more.

Stig complies and wraps his hand around his thick dick, already leaking pre-cum. To see him like that, gone in our ecstasy, his head thrown back into me, his body sweating, his hand moving is the best thing I have seen in my whole goddamn life.

I gasp and I fuck him harder and harder, faster and faster. I too am covered in sweat and our bodies make wet sounds that feel the room. I don't want to get out of this fucking room. Ever. Stig pumps himself faster and I move to his rhythm. Neither of us will last any longer. So I let go.

I grab him by the hips and move my body to have him almost pinned beneath me, giving me more access into his hard ass. My breaths come now in curt gasps, my vision swims as my eyes are half-lid. I throw my head back and I just let my body take in all the sensations. The grip of his ass around my cock, the feel of his body flexing, the smell coming off him in waves, the sound of his moans and the cursing in the damn sexy language of his.

"Fuck, pretty boy, I am going to come."

"Give it to me, old man. Now!" He is the one to order me now.

And I am not going to disobey him. I give everything I have into harsh, violent thrusts, grunting like an animal. My orgasm coils inside me ready to take over my body and I allow it. I let out a wild cry as I come fiercely inside him. I lose control of my body and thoughts as I fall on him but I know he too is coming, his shout louder than mine, his seed spread on the covers.

We catch our breath and fall on our backs onto the mattress. He turns to look at me with his blonde hair wet on his forehead and his cheeks red from the friction and the vigorous fucking. He looks goddamn adorable. I lean in and kiss him slowly, sweetly, thoughtfully and a little sadly. I know I have to let him go but I also know I am not going to find anyone like him ever again.

Fuck me, I swear I feel my heart tear at the thought. What the fuck have I done?