Was I an absolute idiot and possibly an asshole? Yes. Did pretty much ruining my relationship with Lydia effectively free me to focus on my future football career and protect me and my heart from future pain and possible betrayal? Also yes.

It wasn't like I wasn't completely and irrevocably enamored with her, that was just the problem.

I had been willing to stand up in front of her ex and proclaim that we were together, and I was so close to taking her in my arms and kissing her the way I'd dreamt about since the night I held her in my arms.

She was so close, her scent so beautifully intoxicating and reminiscent of the type of perfume Marnie used to wear- a fact that sent me hurtling back down to reality.

All the anguish that came with that relationship as well as the consequences for my football career slammed into my body right before I opened my mouth and allowed garbage to spill out of it, forcing Lydia to view me as a pig that I knew I wasn't.

It was for the best, though. She had just broken off an engagement with a toxic partner who had cheated on her with her best friend, and betrayals like that took a long time to heal from.

I couldn't let anyone or anything in the way of my future in the NFL, especially not Lydia.

I'd get her out of my system just by flirting shamelessly with her to prove my dickhead status to her and shut off any hopes on her part for a relationship, if there even were any feelings for me on her part.

It was so hard to read her, and that just added to the appeal and magnetic pull drawing me towards her.

I couldn't let myself get distracted with her, because she was the kind of girl I would give up everything for just to make her happy, and I'd been like that before once and look how that turned out for me.

"Hey man, you okay? You've been zoned out our whole conversation."

I turned my attention to Reed who had been brewing coffee for everyone.

"Yeah, I've just got a lot on my mind lately."

As if on cue, she strolled out of the bathroom in shorts that exposed her long shapely tanned legs with her hair wrapped up in a towel on the top of her head.

It was probably the sexiest I'd ever seen her, no makeup on her face and her natural beauty shining through.

A pair of fingers snapped in front of my face and I blinked back in surprise, realizing Reed had caught me staring at Lydia with my tongue practically hanging out of my mouth.

Thankfully she didn't join us for breakfast and disappeared into her room without so much as a glance in our direction.

"Damn, are you serious right now?"

"What?"

"Lydia? Seriously? After everything Lucas said the other day about leaving her alone..."

I narrowed my eyes in Reed's direction.

"Doesn't mean I can't look. And trust me, I made sure there wasn't going to be anything romantic going on in that department ever. I'm surprised she even still wants to live here."

Now it was Reed's turn to narrow his eyes at me underneath his black rimmed glasses.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing! I just acted like a tool so she'd want to keep away from me, I don't need to be distracted and that is exactly what she is."

"Right. Just a distraction?"

He didn't seem convinced.

"Exactly. That's it."

But even to my ears, my voice didn't sound convincing in the slightest.

After the whole Emmett fiasco, I retreated to my room and stayed in there as often as possible, unpacking all of my things and working on a few ad campaign submissions that I'd already been paid for and was procrastinating writing.

One was for men's shaving cream and I had to describe why men would absolutely love the product and the other was for a new app that needed a younger audience and the ad would be going up on social media instead of the billboard the shaving cream ad was going on.

My mind wandered to my journals that sat blank in the back of my closet and my heart ached to be able to reread my original works that I'd only written in that old navy blue leather journal that Layla and Nate had thrown out.

When I thought of the sensitive details in it my palms began sweating and a pulsating thrum of anxiety began deep in my gut.

I had hidden it so diligently that it was hard to imagine how they had found it so easily while I was gone, but if they really had read it, then I had to ask myself if they had only read the first few pages and laughed it off or if they had made it to the end and found out the darkest secret I'd ever kept in my entire life...

No, they hadn't read it. My life would've been up in flames if they'd read it. Or if they had, they just thought it was fiction and that I could never do something like that...I hoped.

A text message with a blast from the past shook me out of my worrying reverie and a surprised smile flitted onto my face when I read the familiar name flashing on the screen.

"Guess who's in Texas for the summer? My finals ended early and I thought I'd stop by to surprise you before the big wedding! I'm almost to your apartment, is Nate there? I want to-"

"Amalia! Slow down, don't go to the apartment, I have something I need to tell you..."

Amalia Edwards. Previous best friend who'd moved to Maine with her parents in the middle of our high school careers. Layla had always been jealous of our relationship because she always thought Amalia didn't like her, but after everything that had happened I was starting to realize her judgement was spot on.

"Okay where am I going? What's going on?"

I cursed myself for not having told her what was going on. I had deactivated my social media accounts but I assumed since I hadn't posted anything the past week that she hadn't gone looking for me on her accounts and hadn't seen my deleted accounts.

I hadn't been able to stomach telling her the truth. I had asked Layla to be my Maid of Honor out of convenience and because we lived close by, but if Amalia were in Texas she would've been my first choice in a heartbeat.

Where Layla was fun and outgoing, Amalia could be fun but was far more responsible and reserved when it came to partying and going out.

Layla would get so trashed she couldn't walk and Amalia would be the one to hold her hair back while she was puking even though I knew the two couldn't stand each other, that was just how selfless Amalia was.

"We kind of...broke up."

The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening.

"WHAT? And you didn't think to tell me?!"

"I was embarrassed."

"Embarrassed? Lydia I'm your best friend, or I was. I guess you replaced me with Layla then."

At my audible scoff at Layla's name I could practically see her eyebrows raise on the other end of the phone.

"I'll explain when you get here. You remember how to get to Lucas' house? That's where I'm staying."

"Okay, be there in five minutes. You have some serious explaining to do."

Boy did I ever.

***

"I always knew she was a piece of shit person, I just didn't think she would ever be like that to you!"

Two hours later and vegged out on my futon in my room, Amalia had heard the entire story with excessive details like she'd asked.

It was heart wrenching talking about finding her in my apartment and about what she'd done to my journal but I got through it, only a few tears slipping down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, but I'm here all summer. Now, tell me the story about that hottie I passed on the way in here?"

I groaned, my head falling in my hands.

She hadn't changed one bit.

The only downfall with Amalia's personality was how ridiculously boy crazy she was.

She was a ten out of ten knockout and I think part of that was the reason Layla had resented her so much back in high school, her dark and glowing skin mesmerizing all the guys in our class.

She was a few inches shorter than me, but the girl knew how to work some heels. She was always dressed up from head to toe, and this moment was no exception.

Her skin had lightened up just a tad from living in Maine and because of winter but I knew one summer in Texas and her skin would be a shining, ebony masterpiece.

Her dark hair fell around her shoulders in careful waves and I noticed that she'd forgone her usual braided style I'd grown so accustomed to her wearing back in high school.

"That was one of my roommates. Which one did you see?"

"I don't know, he had a cute nerd vibe going for him and-"

"Nope. Reed's gay, sorry."

"Dammit! All the good ones."

"Did you...did you happen to see another guy out there?"

"What, your brother? Yeah, he does happen to live here."

I sighed in frustration.

"No, the other guy that lives here, Emmett. Did you see him?"

An evil smile turned her face up and I knew I'd fallen into her trap.

"You mean the grade A sex god with a damn six-pack that you now live under the same roof as? We might've crossed paths."

I grabbed the nearest pillow to smack her with but she was ready for me and stole it from me, earning me a good thump on my head with said pillow.

"Hey!"

"How could you not tell me you traded up already? I thought I said to tell me everything!"

"There is nothing going on there, he's a pig."

"Pig or not, I don't care how he acts as long as he's good in bed."

"Amalia!"

"What, it's true. Sex and feelings don't have to correlate, especially not with someone that gorgeous."

We laughed together and I felt a part of myself begin to mend, having my best friend with me finally after so long, the best friend that didn't betray me with my ex fiancee, that is.

"We need to do something, get you out of this room. It's the weekend here technically, right?"

I rolled my eyes.

"No, it's Thursday."

"Exactly, but on a college campus that's the weekend. What parties are going on right now?"

I rolled my eyes.

"The only parties are at frats, and it'll be mostly freshmen there anyway. There's some bars downtown on the strip that are pretty fun."

"Okay, get dressed. We're going out."

"Amalia..."

"No buts. You've been cheated on, now you need to know how it feels to be with someone else after four long years with the same penis!"

"Ugh! Please don't say that so loud here."

"What? Penis? LYDIA NEEDS SOME PENI-"

I rushed over to her and covered my hand over her mouth but my door was already bursting open by three different guys, but Emmett was the first to stick his foot in his mouth with what he said next.

"What's going on? Did someone say Lydia needed pen-"

"SHUT UP oh my god."

They all laughed at me while I hid my face in my hands and Amalia told them our plans for the evening.

"Alright, we're in. Operation 'Get Lydia a new man' is a go."

That one came from Reed which was no shocker there. He'd been dying to get out and be social since he'd come out of the closet to everyone.

This was so not going to be a good night for me, and by the wink Emmett shot me from the door I knew I was already right.