The glow of my cell phone light shone back at me from the dark sanctuary I'd found underneath the covers of my new comforter on my new bed.

After I had my breakfast, I excused myself from the guys because I had 'schoolwork' to do, when really all I wanted to do was hide in my room under the covers away from prying eyes.

I went through my phone and deleted every single picture with Nate in it, which turned out to be the majority of my pictures.

Then I did the same with pictures of Layla and while it was semi-therapeutic it just felt flat out pathetic when I only ended up with a measly three hundred photos when before it had been well over a thousand.

I then started my social media detox, deactivating my Instagram handle and Facebook account.

After that was done, I went through my messages. There were some well wishes for the wedding from some of my friends that I'd invited. They were the friends that I had hung out with at school when Layla was busy or had a different class schedule, so we weren't all that close.

The stinging burn that singed me the most was the fact that I was technically all alone in this. The only person who I could truly count on was Lucas, but he was a guy, not really someone I could spill my guts to without him becoming extremely uncomfortable.

I was sure he knew what had happened even though I'd been a blubbering mess when he'd picked me up from my old apartment.

The memory resurfaced of its own volition and I held on tight because I knew it would be a traumatizing one.

It was only one in the afternoon, but I'd gotten done with my classes early so I figured I would surprise Nate at his job.

He was an assistant at an insurance adjustor's office on the other side of town than my college so we didn't really see each other much during the day since it was such a long drive to his office, but it was so close to the wedding that I thought it would make a great surprise.

I waved hello to the woman at the front desk as I entered and she gave me a confused look.

"Hi, how can I help you?"

I shouldered the bag that held the food I'd grabbed on the way over for Nate for his lunch.

"Hi, I'm Lydia. I'm here to see Nate, is he here?"

She scrunched her eyebrows up in confusion.

"Yes, do you have an appointment? He's currently in with someone..." she trailed off and I waved her off.

"No, I'm his fiancee. I'll just drop these off in his office then, it's the first one on the left?"

I didn't give her a chance to reply as I lightly knocked and opened the door a small bit, but the scene I saw in that sliver of air between my face and the door was enough to knock the breath completely out of me, and I was still trying to catch it.

Layla was there, scrambling to find her top which was halfway across the room on the floor.

The tears welled up in my eyes as he stood up from his desk chair, Nate's smooth light brown skin that I had run my hands across so many times crumpled up in surprise.

"Lydia!"

Layla stood up from the kneeling position she'd been in and it was obvious what kind of sexual favor she'd been giving him.

I didn't give either of them a chance to explain as I threw all of his food on the ground and ran back to my car.

I drove through the tears, somehow making it back to our apartment before he did as he had been hot on my tail.

I quickly packed an overnight bag and without thinking scooped up my useless wedding dress from our shared closet and dashed out of the door, stumbling into my car once more but Nate's old silver Honda pulled in once I had careened to the stop sign and was almost free.

The image of his face slammed through me at the sight, though, and I had a complete breakdown in front of all of our neighbors while Nate stormed into our home looking for me.

There was no one else that I could call so I dialed up Lucas' number, thanking the stars above that he hadn't decided to go to MIT halfway across the country otherwise no one would've been able to save me.

He couldn't decipher anything other than me begging him to come and get me through my tears.

My SUV that Nate had co-signed on for me which we bought preemptively for our future children was just a constant reminder of the life we were supposed to have, so I ditched it in the parking lot of our apartment complex, and I promised myself I'd come back for it and trade it in for something smaller and cheaper immediately, not wanting myself to be tied to Nate through any financial means.

The apartment was his and I'd only been chipping in on rent so leaving our shared home was easy enough, and I was more than thankful I hadn't signed onto the lease he'd been locked into for over a year.

Lucas arrived and comforted me well enough, the ride back to his rent house filled with my body wracking sobs.

The entire ride my head was filled with questions. Why wasn't I enough for him? Did I do something wrong? Did I make him unhappy?

It didn't matter the answer to those questions, however, because if any of those answers were even remotely negative then he should've come to me and called the wedding off- not cheat on me with my best friend just mere weeks before we were supposed to say 'I do'.

Jumping out of Lucas' car before he had even cut the engine, I dashed out into the front yard, my dress falling out of its protective sleeve behind me.

The dress Nate had paid for since I wasn't on great terms with my family.

I tore the dress the rest of the way out of the bag and threw it on the ground, mixing it in with the soil and dark dirt underneath my feet.

Some of the green from the verdant grass latched on to the white lace with a fervent passion, and I stepped on it and shredded the thing from the bottom up.

I laid it to rest there but Lucas must've grabbed it as he came behind me, depositing it on the closet floor when he brought in my overnight bag.

I only had two outfits packed in that bag and I knew sooner or later I'd have to go back to the apartment to gather my things, but for that moment I just wanted to wallow in my own self-pity and tedious self deprecating thoughts.

***

The reverie in my mind all consuming, my head shook of its own volition to rid itself of the damaging memories that threatened to take me over completely.

It was all too much, all of the memories taking over my body and forcing me out of my bed.

I threw on the only pair of workout clothes I'd packed with me and was thankful I'd been wearing my sports bra the day before.

Hair in my hands and pulling it up into side braids, I practically flew out of my new bedroom and was face to face with three guys staring at me as if I'd lost all of my marbles.

I ignored their curious stares and escaped, a relieved breath leaving my lungs as I did so. The air had become suffocating in that house with hardly any privacy available to me.

I started my long trek down the side of the road on the sidewalk, the bright afternoon sun beating down on my skin.

Texas was a relatively warm state but was always met with strange weather patterns that forced me to keep my winter wardrobe hung up in the closet year round and thankfully it had finally been predictably warm enough to choose my clothes for at least two days while I figured out a plan to get my things from Nate's apartment.

The pounding of my feet on the pavement below me was melodic and calming, a familiarity that wasn't lost on me.

My mind was a swirling, reckless pattern of pain that wouldn't empty, forcing me to relive my anguish over and over again in a never ending cycle.

It was like a train wreck that you just couldn't help but stare at, a burning need to watch the destruction in front of you.

Faster and faster I pumped my arms, my legs working double time to catch up with my reeling emotions and thoughts.

No matter the amount of times I'd redirected my thoughts, over and over again the images of Layla on the ground in front of Nate doing what I knew they were doing under his desk would invade the conscious area behind my eyes and the echoing of his voice yelling out my name haunted me continuously, never ending.

I wanted nothing more than to surrender to the aching melancholy surely awaiting me at the end of the tunnel but still I pushed forward, running two, three, four miles...

I was coming up on my fifth mile until the scenery became more familiar.

Our community grocery store, my favorite boutique, the farmer's market that Nate always brought me to every Sunday.

It was all overshadowed by a gnawing and relentless agony that buried itself up under my ribcage like a bird making its nest and refusing to leave.

That nest of pain and betrayal was created with spikes and needles that punctured my heart with each movement, the anger swirling around it making it a living, moving entity.

I had ran three more miles until coming up on our apartment complex.

Sweat dripping from my forehead into my eyes reminded me how far I had ran and suddenly my racing heart caught up to me.

There was a familiar car in the spot that used to be mine, her silver coupe taking up the place in his life that was meant for me.

That told me that it was more than just a one-off fling. I wanted answers, but I wasn't going to demand them in my current state.

I tore my eyes away from the excruciating truth before me and planned to use my debit card tucked away in the waist band of my leggings for a bus ride back to my new home, my muscles screeching and aching in soreness with each passing step I took back to my new normal.